[Ipod1]

I'm so tired of feeling this way. I feel like I've lost myself. I don't think the same way I used to, sleep the same, feel the same I just don't know what's wrong with me. I'm scared of everything, I won't drive on the highway anymore, I can't hardly describe how I actually feel or my thoughts. But I'll try and you guys tell me what you think. I've been diagnosed OCD, severe anxiety, depression. The depression is because of the anxiety and ocd.
I'll start with the most bothersome to me.
I get weird thoughts that make no sense.
Before sleep I get these strange images in my head.
Songs get stuck in my head all the time.
I'm so scared of becoming schizophrenic, it's all I think about.
I have a huge feeling it's something more than ocd and anxiety I can't shake. Sometimes I'll feel almost normal until I'm by myself or un distracted. I don't even know why I'm posting this I just can't sleep and needed to vent.
I'm laying down at my girlfriends at 430 am and just wanna go home because that's pretty much the only place I feel comfortable. All of this came out of the blue like 4 months ago and sometimes it gets better then it gets worse, I just don't understand it. I see my psych tomorrow but I haven't even tried the medication that he prescribed because I'm scared of it. I don't think he takes me that serious. This is an everyday all day constant struggle that effects every part of my life. I don't remember the last time I felt joy. I'm just numb. I feel stupid almost. I used to be witty, funny, confident, and logical etc. but now I'm just completely different

[Ipod1]

I know this post is kind of all over the place but thats how my mind is all the time. I just took a Xanax so hopefully it'll make me tired. It's the only medicine I've taken that somewhat calms me down. Ive tried Zoloft, paxil, and celexa to no avail. The new one he wants me to take is anafranil or something it's an anti depressant but not an ssri commonly prescribed for OCD. I really want to try it I just can't bring myself to take it.

[Trippin2.0]

Do you know what sparked your fear of becoming schizophrenic? Was someone close to dxd maybe? Did you have a 'weird' experience? I'm asking bcoz in the past, when I have become paranoid I try and rationalize it, eg, why? What are the chances? And while it doesn't offer immediate relief, I am able to see that logically, my fear is unfounded. Then I counter the paranoid thoughts with 'that is irrational'... Just a thought. Sorry you're struggling.

[Ipod1]

I guess the thought started a few years ago. Yes someone close to me was diagnosed but it was drug induced. I would talk with him before he was and it spiked my ocd like crazy but it didn't really bother me that much I could shake it off. What really kicked all this off was googling what could be wrong with me then it all got worse and worse. Do people really not know that something is wrong with them in the prodormal stage of the illness? If I just knew this for sure I'd probably feel a little better but probably not.

[Trippin2.0]

Honestly? I don't know. I'm bipolar and my mom convinced me that I was just 'dramatic' and 'overly sensitive' i believed that for 10yrs. 10yrs of suffering in silence bcoz I was weak-minded.

I only re-concidered that something could be wrong after a very violent break-up of a 5yr relationship, and even then, I chalked it down to being weak.

The kicker came after my brother was murdered, I couldn't hold it together anymore, scared the sh,t outta my young daughter with my emotional instability. THAT'S when I went to see a professional.

IM0 I think that sometimes we research and overthink things bcoz we need answers and validation. Sometimes we need to know that our struggles are real. Have you taken a look at my mental 'ratings' in my signature? Some scary stuff, but most of them are just *possibilities* yes I relate to them,otherwise I wouldn't have scored anything, but I don't let it define me. I didn't go thinking 'OMG I'M ILL' The only reason I even put it there is so that others know they're not alone, when looking for someone to relate to. Driving yourself nutz, worrying about something you could or could N0T have, will get you absolutely nowhere. It will drive your anxiety up the wall, and in itself make you ill. You're just feeding that fear, playing right into it's hands, and giving it power over your life. Don't google yourself into a frenzy, how would you feel if you went to a doc tomorrow, and gota clean bill of mental health? Relieved yes, but all that time wasted worrying,making yourself ill? The truth is EVERYONE has symptoms of something, we're human, and not without flaws, all you're reading are guidlines, and scaring yourself sh,tless in the process.

Tell you what:
Why not start a thread on the schizophrenia board and ask how they were first dxd, what were the series of events/experiences that led them to seek out help?
Then from there, if you're gut (not paranoia) gut, tells you it's time to seek medical assistance. Print the thread and take it to a pdoc. Then, take your power back, take control of your life and your health,and start looking forward.

Don't let your fears define you.

[Ipod1]

My gut doesn't tell me that. I've posted it on a schizophrenia forum and haven't related to any of it. I am just scaring myself shitless in the process youre right. It's just hard

[Trippin2.0]

Very few things are easy my friend. Take it easy on yourself, you're human question is: what you gonna do about it?
Have you tried countering your unfounded fear by confronting it and telling it that it's irrational? You could start with 'no i'm not schizophrenic bcoz I don't relate to that' or 'no, on what grounds do you base these fears' ... Well you get the idea hope you figure it out, and if you don't, no biggy, there are T's who could teach you how please keep me updated as to how you're doing, wether by post or pm. Don't be a stranger.

[Ipod1]

I will thank you, Im trying to rationalize it and everything. Most of the time I just try and distract myself all the time. If you need anything you can pm me also