[Leah Jade Milano]

Could someone please help me?
I have some issues. Firstly, I am very awkward in social situations. I don't know what to say because I have nothing to say to people and I hate being fake. I never know how to make an intelligent or even normal reply to others. I get physically nervous when I am the center of attention, whether in class, in small social groups, around family, even in a conversation with another person. I sweat, blush, and feel VERY uncomfortable. It is hard for me to even go to the cafeteria and get food because I feel uncomfortable aruond people and don't like people looking at me. I take an hour getting ready to just go out for a few minutes making sure I look normal and okay. I JUMP when I'm in the elevator, and the elevator door opens and I see someone waiting to get in on the other side. Or when I turning a corner, and someone is on the other side just walking. I feel very self conscious in class so I don't speak because I don't know what to say and feel uncomfortable.

Secondly, I have literally no friends. I am in college, but I struggle with making connections with people. Whenever I'm around people, disregarding my uncomfortableness, because sometimes it's not there, I feel bored. PEOPLE GIVE ME NOTHING. I don't know why but I can't bring myself to care for people, not even my own parents. I don't feel deep attachments for anyone, I recieve barely any satisfaction from human interaction. I think I am capable of being happy from a friendship, but I can't be sure because the last time I had a genuine friendship was a decade ago at age 10.

Thirdly, I obsess over people. There's this person in my college who I have been obsessing over for the past 6 months. Everyday I wake up and he is literally the first thing in my head. I don't want to obsess over him, yet when I try not to think about him, it doesn't work. We don't even have an actual real life relationship besides a few words, but I wish wish wish that we did. I sometimes construct fantasies of what it would be like of we were friends because I am attracted to his personality a lot (I have a crush on him), but mostly its not fantasy. I'm just obsessed with him and keep on looking for him and wanting to see him and stalking his facebook profile. Maybe this will stop eventually, but then Ill probably find another person to obsess over.

Lastly, I have a rich fantasy world. When I can't find satisfaction from the outer world, I find satisfaction in my mind. I have imaginary friends (I'm like 20 yrs old), who have highly developed personalities and I talk to them in my mind and they talk back to me in my mind. They are my only respite. I don't know if everyone has this, but I feel so lonely all the time and they offer me comfort from this loneliness.

So, how is this possible? How can I want a true friendship with someone, yet I do not get any satisfaction/happiness/anything from the relationships I do have (roommates, family, acquaintances)? If I have just one real friend who understood me, appreciated me for who I was, and influenced me for the better, I would be SO happy. I have NEVER had that. Ever. At the same time, when I'm around people, I just can't stand them. They are so annoying and vapid, I feel empty around them, and I just want to be alone.

Please tell me what you think.

[jijiya]

I can relate to you on quite a few levels.. I also did not get a whole lot out of Humans in general.. I still struggle with it sometimes.. I use to not care very much about anyone.. and any feelings I did seem to show out to people seemed to be quite fake or that I was over exaggerating my feelings..

I also have quite a bit of a fantasy world so to speak.. I tend to often play scenarios in my mind with characters and everything..

I have only ever had a couple of friends at any one time after I left elementary school. Even tho I did not feel much for my friends (though I thought) I enjoyed their company strangely enough..

I know a bit of what you feel.. and I had felt these ways lots of the times until I had been reciveing treatment for depression for quite a few years.. I been on medications since I was 22 and it wasn't till then when I started feeling stuff more.. I actually became emotional attached to one of my currently good friends.. very strange for me..

So my suggestion to you is.. if you are not already doing so speak to a psych doc and talk them about what you are experiencing.. it could be some of your problems is with depression..

As for your problems with being around people.. I also have had this problem.. not quite as harsh as yours but similar.. I still tend to avoid comfronting people when there are more than a couple people in the house where I live.. like lastnight my bro had a couple friends over in the living room.. I stayed down in my room almost the entire time.. until my hunger drove me insane.. even then I quickly cooked something fast and took the food with me back to my room.. This is a form of anxiety.. and you can get treatment for it.. but sometimes you just have to try and deal with what you feel and fight it because it doesn't always work all the way. Also you might just be a loner type of person..

I also found that chatting with people online and eventually voice chatting with people has helped me with my anxiety and my extreme shyness. It still takes a bit for me to voice chat with ppl but I been getting better about it.

[ur_ladybird]

Dear Leah,

I'm glad you brought all of the above to paper so to speak.

First of all let me assure you that you are not on your own.

The first part of your post sounds very social phobic to me. A cafeteria, busy hallways ... Any places were there are people really, social interactions. And, forgive me, I might be wrong, I am not a therapist. Your feelings concerning relationships, friendships, the feeling of getting bored with people, not feeling satisfaction ,not having any relationships including your family... It sounds to me that your mind is very hard trying to protect you, the social phobic side of you.

Obsessing as you call it ... In maslows hierarchy of needs he describes the different layers of needs to reach self actualisation... Love, friendship, relationships are part of this. Which would make me think that your obsession as you call it is a cry for what you feel you dont have.

Sorry to approach your post in such an analiticle way. But that was the way it made most sense to me. You sound so lonely that I wanted to reply to your post. Have you ever talked to your doctor about the way you feel concerning the social anxiety. I am pretty sure if you could address this you will find everything else will start shifting.

Imaginary friends... Why not.... Nothing wrong with that.

The brain is very complex, and it has amazing ways of protecting us from things it feels, we can't handle in that moment.... find one point where you start to introduce a slight change and you will see the whole picture/ thought patten / emotions changes. Like a drip of water which creates circles in a lake.

Hope this helps a little bit and I didn't talk total nonsense. Take care.

[Leah Jade Milano]

Thank you both! Ladybird, you mention that I should talk to my doctor- I'm not seeing one. Do you think I should, or should I try not to make a big deal out of all this and deal with it on my own?
Your reply was so thoughtful and makes a lot of sense. But I wonder- are there people that don't need other people? I used to think that I had schizoid personality disorder, where I don't need relationships and I enjoy my own company over others.
But, perhaps the imaginary friends and yearning to be close to a particular person point otherwise.

[depressed.fml]

I know exactly what you mean! I have so much fear when I am placed into a social situation. I actually avoid talking to people because I never know what to say... I only have two good friends. TWO. And I'm fourteen... a teenager. I should have plenty of friends. I find it humiliating. I'm a good person, and I am liked by others. I have acquaintances who I will have a five second conversation with every now and again (although they're the only ones who ever talk, but I do occasionally say something). I don't really know what the true fear is. Maybe it's the fear of being judged, or rejected. I have thought of that often but I never seem to be able to figure out what it truly is that makes being social so terrifying. I'm here if you ever need me. I never judge anyone so you can message me about anything, even if you just want someone to chat with.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I relate to these main points you described.

I do not like walking past people or asking for things or people looking at me. Right now, when I do go out, my mentor is teaching me how to look at people and smile when I walk past them. OMG I am so scared.

I have PTSD from being traumatized by many people in many ways, starting with my aunt (see profile if you want) So I am slowly relearning how to interact.

I too seem to take a long time making sure that I look "normal".

I relate to jumping when i am suddenly confronted by a person, as you described, for example in that elevator. I react that way when I leave a public restroom and someone is right there! Or, like you said, turning a corner. I am also learning how to speak in group settings.

I too get very fixated on people---right now I am obsessed with a dead author. lol And when one obsession leaves me, there's another one! lol

I live in an imaginary world, too and I am 44.

Many people bore me, too. I simply cannot relate to them when all they seem to do (not all of them but so darn many, it seems) is talk about surface issues, other people, etc. instead of ideas and ideals. I too have an inability to connect with others.

My imaginary friends do comfort me too. They understand me.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as we know reality from fantasy.

You are not so unusual.

Welcome!

Billi

Originally Posted by Leah Jade Milano

It is hard for me to even go to the cafeteria and get food because I feel uncomfortable aruond people and don't like people looking at me.

I take an hour getting ready to just go out for a few minutes making sure I look normal and okay.

I JUMP when I'm in the elevator, and the elevator door opens and I see someone waiting to get in on the other side.

Or when I turning a corner, and someone is on the other side just walking. I feel very self conscious in class so I don't speak because I don't know what to say and feel uncomfortable.

Secondly, I have literally no friends. I am in college, but I struggle with making connections with people. Whenever I'm around people, disregarding my uncomfortableness, because sometimes it's not there, I feel bored. PEOPLE GIVE ME NOTHING. I don't know why but I can't bring myself to care for people, not even my own parents. I don't feel deep attachments for anyone, I recieve barely any satisfaction from human interaction. I think I am capable of being happy from a friendship, but I can't be sure because the last time I had a genuine friendship was a decade ago at age 10.

Thirdly, I obsess over people.

Lastly, I have a rich fantasy world. When I can't find satisfaction from the outer world, I find satisfaction in my mind. I have imaginary friends (I'm like 20 yrs old), who have highly developed personalities and I talk to them in my mind and they talk back to me in my mind. They are my only respite. I don't know if everyone has this, but I feel so lonely all the time and they offer me comfort from this loneliness.

[DHolmes]

Originally Posted by depressed.fml

I know exactly what you mean! I have so much fear when I am placed into a social situation. I actually avoid talking to people because I never know what to say... I only have two good friends. TWO. And I'm fourteen... a teenager. I should have plenty of friends. I find it humiliating. I'm a good person, and I am liked by others. I have acquaintances who I will have a five second conversation with every now and again (although they're the only ones who ever talk, but I do occasionally say something). I don't really know what the true fear is. Maybe it's the fear of being judged, or rejected. I have thought of that often but I never seem to be able to figure out what it truly is that makes being social so terrifying. I'm here if you ever need me. I never judge anyone so you can message me about anything, even if you just want someone to chat with.

I was the same way I still have my one close fiend 10 yeas late and t
hats it.

[DHolmes]

I am the same way. I have had one close friend and my husband and that is it. I find it hard to come up with stuff to talk about then I get nervous to make conversation I go on and on asking dumb questions or too personal then apologize for talking

[ur_ladybird]

Originally Posted by Leah Jade Milano

Thank you both! Ladybird, you mention that I should talk to my doctor- I'm not seeing one. Do you think I should, or should I try not to make a big deal out of all this and deal with it on my own?
Your reply was so thoughtful and makes a lot of sense. But I wonder- are there people that don't need other people? I used to think that I had schizoid personality disorder, where I don't need relationships and I enjoy my own company over others.
But, perhaps the imaginary friends and yearning to be close to a particular person point otherwise.

Hi Leah,

I would talk to my doctor about it. You mentioned twice about schizoid personality disorder... Which is a difficult one. I know people with this disorder are less likely to ask for help as even that social contact is uncomfortable for them. But I also know that social anxiety disorder can have similar effects. I react very similar to you with any contact.

Yes there is people who prefer being alone and almost cut off from the rest of the world. And they live a happy life. But there are various reasons to why.
I personally would like to find out what makes me tick... Hence me suggesting a visit to the doctor. I think you posting on here would suggest that there is something which either doesn't sit right with you and or you have open questions. That is a big deal!

If you can,let me know how you are getting on. You can pm me at any time. I guess part of my worry would be,that you self diagnose yourself and find out in a few years that it is something like social anxiety disorder rather then schizoid personality disorder.

[Rosie23]

I get very upset with social situations where I am expected to be with people I do not know. I have a lot of anxiety over whether or not they will like me.

I don't have many friends because I am scared to death to extend my friendship to others for fear of being rejected. And whenever there is a give and take taking place with someone, it is very difficult for me as it is a big trigger. I am waiting for something to happen that will cause them not to like me any longer.

So I spend quite a bit of time alone unless someone I know well invites me to spend time with them. As much out of fear of rejection as it is because I do not like feeling anxious and panicky so I spare myself those reactions.

It stinks and I wish I could change it, but the older I get the worse it gets.

[Ncode-seas]

Originally Posted by Leah Jade Milano

Thank you both! Ladybird, you mention that I should talk to my doctor- I'm not seeing one. Do you think I should, or should I try not to make a big deal out of all this and deal with it on my own?
Your reply was so thoughtful and makes a lot of sense. But I wonder- are there people that don't need other people? I used to think that I had schizoid personality disorder, where I don't need relationships and I enjoy my own company over others.
But, perhaps the imaginary friends and yearning to be close to a particular person point otherwise.

I'm in exactly the same position that you are, with everything you just said, only instead of imaginary friends, i actually just talk to myself and imagine I'm a room full of people.

When I was 18 I decided I wanted to fix things on my own, and in the past 5 years I've gotten better, but only in fits and starts, and I haven't gotten near where I'd like to be. I'd say it's possible to help yourself, but I suspect that you thinking you want to do that really just means that you're afraid that you wont like being a "normal" person after all. Trust me, you want to change, take it from someone who's spent way too much time thinking instead of acting.