I really think i'm losing it.

I've posted here a couple times before, but this time i'm not asking for advice. This is just really for me to vent I guess.

I feel like i'm losing my mind. Everything seems so unfamiliar and so surreal. I spend 3/4 of my day trembling and trying to catch my breath. I'm so tired of all this ******** and i'm sick of having to make my parents hold my hand for hours and hours. I'm 19, not 2, and I feel needier and more dependant now than ever before. This is unbearable and I have no idea how i'm going to make it through another day. Every day seems to just get worse and worse. I started taking Zoloft 2 days ago, plus Valium. I don't even feel like myself anymore. Which is also scaring the crap out of me. I feel so dead inside. I'm so consumed by anxiety. I spend hours a day in bed just crying and hyperventilating and trembling. What the %#@&#! is wrong with me? I need to get out of his house, I need to get out of this ROOM for christs sakes and I can't. I don't have a comfort zone anymore. I panic in my room, I panic outside. I can't sleep anymore for longer than an hour or 2 at a time.

I really feel like i'm going crazy and no one will listen to me. I feel like i'm losing grip of reality and everyone's just saying it's anxiety. I kind of wish I just would snap already just for the relief. I'm sick of anticipating each morning and i'm sick of being a burden to my family and i'm sick of waking up and i'm just really %#@&#! sick of everything right now. I want to commit myself but I CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE. I'm sick of doctors giving me the same ole same ole run around and i'm sick of them getting fed up with me. I'm sick of people in general just %#@&#! ditching me all the time.

I've never been this bad before. I'm so scared. I don't see a light at the end of this tunnel. I don't see myself ever getting better.

I got my heart broken tonight, and I feel like it's just sending me straight over the edge.

This blows. Seriously.

I wish I had something helpful to say. I couldn't read your post without replying. I know what it feels like to think that nobody understands how much pain you are in. Then you get so angry because you feel as though you are pouring your guts out but nobody cares anyway. It's like you're screaming at the top of your lungs, "help" but nobody hears.
Would you consider showing someone what you have posted here. Write down how you feel and show it to someone. I know it can be so hard to put it into words sometimes. I can act as if nothing is wrong but really I am dying inside. Tell someone about how you feel, even if you have to write it down and let them read it.
Sorry that you feel so bad. It's hell isn't it.

Sending a gentle hug to you valium if you would like it... As I don't know you yet, I am unsure if a hug is even acceptable to you.. I understand some of the frustration you feel. Not all, but some.. This is a great place to vent, many understand, many more care please know that there is always a place for you. Take care of you and here is that gentle hug (((Valium)))

You are describing exactly what I seem to be going through! I can't leave the house, either and my anxiety is really bad.

Try to hang in there.

Hey Valium,
I can really identify with some of the things you are saying. The unreal, surreal and not knowing yourself is so familiar... it is a very scary feeling, and I myself have wondered many times whether that really is anxiety, or maybe I am totally crazy.

I have got a lot better with medication and taking so time away from everything to get myself better, but there are so many times a day it hits me again, and it all comes back to you... I do feel like I will never forget what It feels like to have anxiety.

I hope that the medication works for you, and keep searching for that light at the end of the tunnel, it is there... just hard to see sometimes...

Take care,

Kelly

First thing I want to say I am SOOO sorry that you are going through this. I went 4 months crying daily, so afraid that I was sick that I was dying. I couldn't breathe 90% of the time. Well I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had a headache 24-7 (which of course meant that I had something horrible wrong with me) I called my mother at least 3 or 4 times a day for hours just to hear her say its alright, even though I didn't beleive it.
I even checked myself into a mental hospital because I thought for sure I was going crazy!! I just couldn't handle it anymore. My life was getting WORSE everyday and I hated it. My bf didn't understand, didn't even try to.

About the doctors .. I completley understand,, it got so old them telling me that it was just ANXIETY. doctor after doctor,, er after er and BLOOD TESTS , everything said the same thing,,, ANXIETY. I know how you feel and what you are going through. I have been on ativan for almost a year now, and I am SOOOOO glad I started it.I still have anxiety but I still can live a normal life, I can enjoy life again,, so there is hope,, hang in there and DONT give up. Talk as much as you need, vent as much as you need, and ask whatever you need to ask, thats what WE are here for

JEN