new job anxiety

So, I start a new job tomorrow, in a new town. It is the same job and responsibilities I had at the job I had to leave at home when I got sick. I know how to do it. I know I CAN do it. I have absolute confidence in my skills. So why am I desperately looking around for my Xanax bottle?

I had surgery a couple of weeks before I got sick last year. Between that and all the other crap I've been through, I haven't worked full-time since mid-November 2005. That's going on 11 months. I got a clean bill of health in June, but they sent me home with that and my hospital records, which, idiot that I am, I read, and so although supposedly I'm fine, I don't really trust my body yet not to go nuts on me again. My stamina's improved, but I don't know if I can do 8 hours a day on top of a 90-minute commute one way.

My insurance doesn't kick in till the end of December, and I'm going to lose my state insurance because I will be making too much money. What am I going to do if I get sick again? One dr. told me to expect it to come back sooner rather than later, and another told me not to walk around for the rest of my life waiting for it to come back. I don't know who to believe or what to expect.

Even though I had this job already in hand, I went and interviewed for another one last week anyway, because it would be a big step up career-wise if I got it. I'm supposed to find out Monday or Tuesday. How am I going to throw over this sweet little gramma who hired me, if I get this other job? Do I really want to move to a small town, and one where I don't know anybody at all? At least here I have relatives and friends.

OY I'm just so confused, and not dealing well. And yes, I DO catastrophize. I like to think of it as being well-prepared for any eventuality. It's kind of how I feel about my health: If I get all the horrible crap out of the way now, I should be healthy as a horse at 80! If I get all the usually-pointless stressing out done ahead of time, it'll be anticlimactic, whatever finally happens, and I won't have to worry about it anymore. Right?

It's a good thing I hoard Xanax..... In the meantime, I'm accepting pep talks!

Candy

Good luck Candy!!! My paws are crossed and I have borrowed an extra coconut..... a lucky one. I am sure you will do great

((((((((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))))))))

firstly, good luck for your first day at your new job.

theres a few things you mentioned which id like to comment on, if thats ok...

you are nervous because its a new venture, yea, the jobs almost the same...but it is new to you considering you havent been at work for 11 months. i find it hard to go back to work after 2 weeks, let alone 11 months!! its change and sometimes change scares us. its entirely natural and its a positive thing.

the trouble with our health is that we dont know what its going to do. you cannot predict what it will do, so theres no point trying. just live life as best you can and deal with the problems IF and WHEN they occur. if you worry all the time and are stressing, this will put your body under more stress which might make you worse, it might trigger an "ill-stage". please, have confidence in yourself, you are doing great and you have survived so much so i am sure your body will handle it.

i think its definately a good thing that you went for this other job, above all else it will boost your confidence if you get it, and it will give you choices. and then these choices will then make you happier because you will know what you want more. and if you dont get it, well you still have a job to carry on with, so you havent lost anything have you? and perhaps, moving to a small town might prove beneficial to you, it will give you the opportunity to start a fresh and meet some more fantastic people, new friends etc. who knows whats waiting around the corner.

im afraid i have to disagree with you on that point you made about worrying now to get it out the way. i disagree on the basis that you cant worry about something that hasnt happened yet, you dont know what your worrying about, so you have to deal with it when it happens. do you see what i mean?

i think ive said all i need to say hehe. once again, good luck on your new job and let me know how it goes. you'll be in my thoughts. oh and let me know the news on your new job too, whether you get it or not.

speak soon.

simon

I think everyone gets nervous starting new jobs, even without other problems! Takes me 6 months to get comfortable in one. I think you'll cope fine.

Figure out what you believe about your body/health yourself. I don't think doctors are any smarter than we are about us personally, they only know about medicine in general, what they've seen with a zillion people; like saying a "C" in a school course says anything about you, personally. Doesn't say whether you're smart or not, only you really know the whole story. I had a heck of a time 3 years ago in the hospital because I was in my 50's and it was the first time I'd been sick in my life. So, neither the doctors nor I had any clue as to "Me" and how I might respond to medicine or the complications or anything that happened. I finally had to figure that fact out and take the driver's seat and literally figured out what was wrong with me after 5 months and how to solve it. I learned a whole lot from being sick, about me and sickness and me and health and me period and I imagine you have learned about yourself too. I got some new problems because of my care as well as learning stuff but it's all part of life and I'm sure you and I will do fine in the future, continuing to figure things out as they come along.

(((Candy)))

Candy, I see you as a strong fighting woman and you will do what you need to do. Period, no questions asked, you will come out okay and make it so.

candy I agree with the one dr that told you not to sit around waiting for your health to go down again. If we do that we are just waiting around not being productive. I admire your desire to work again! You know you can do this job! just breathe hon! good luck!

"So, I start a new job tomorrow, in a new town. It is the same job and responsibilities I had at the job I had to leave at home when I got sick. I know how to do it. I know I CAN do it. I have absolute confidence in my skills. So why am I desperately looking around for my Xanax bottle?"

I'm in exactly the same position as you. I just started a new job yesterday. I practically had to drag myself kicking and screaming to the office. It's the kind of work I've done for 6 years, so it's not that I'm feeling insecure about being able to do it. But there's something inside of me that's screaming "one day soon they'll find out what a fraud you are, that you can't really do this job well, and you'll be fired!"

I hate the idea of sitting in another office, but no one's buying my scripts or books, I haven't been able to come up with an idea for my own business (one that will support me), and unemployment doesn't pay enough. I'm TIRED of having to be an adult and do work I don't want to do, just because I have to support myself.

Where's that Xanax bottle?

i hope u feel good soon

((((((((((((Candybear))))))))))))
First off, congrats on the new job!! You are awesome girl! It's completely understandable to have anxiety in new situations, even if they are going to be great ones. You're a great writer, and I know you will do well. But, I also understand your anxiety. Grab onto the xanax if you need to, it's all good. That's what it's there for. Please keep us posted. We all care about you and are so glad to know things are on the way up for you.

(((((((((((wantto)))))))))))))) Thanks! You can congratulate me on my second new job, because the one this post started out being about? I quit it Thursday. ROFL!

I got a job at a daily -- up to now, I had only worked for weeklies -- back in Wisconsin. 2.5 hours from sis, 4 hours from home, the editors are all falling all over themselves to tell me how happy they are to have me on staff, and I get Packer games over broadcast TV again, instead of having to pay for streaming audio!

I drove over today to look for places to live. You cannot believe it. I am a city kid -- have lived in or near a healthy-sized (500,000+) city all my life. This is a booming metropolis of ... 13,000. But it's so CUTE!

And, I came home with a place to live! The last place I lived in Milwaukee, I paid $475 for a very basic, older 1-bedroom in a crappy part of town. I am now paying ... get this ... $350 for one side of a duplex. A FURNISHED duplex. With a garage for no extra rent. And a front and back porch. I can walk to downtown, a 370-acre park, work, and the Leinie's brewery! LOL And, no credit check ... no reference check ... no deposit ... "oh, just pay me when you move in." She gave me the keys on the spot, and is prorating the October rent because I can't move in till after the 15th. She handles snow, lawn and maintenance.

Now I just have to live up to my editors' faith in me! LOL I"ll get anxious about that later.

Love, Candy

I am so happy for you Candy.. Looks like things are "looking up" for you... And to have a home ta boot with no more sister to nag you..... Yeaaaaaaaaa for Candy and congrats on your new job and new home........ u go girl.....

Thank you! I can hardly wait to have my life back!

"I drove over today to look for places to live. You cannot believe it. I am a city kid -- have lived in or near a healthy-sized (500,000+) city all my life. This is a booming metropolis of ... 13,000. But it's so CUTE!

And, I came home with a place to live! The last place I lived in Milwaukee, I paid $475 for a very basic, older 1-bedroom in a crappy part of town. I am now paying ... get this ... $350 for one side of a duplex. A FURNISHED duplex. With a garage for no extra rent. And a front and back porch. I can walk to downtown, a 370-acre park, work, and the Leinie's brewery! LOL And, no credit check ... no reference check ... no deposit ... "oh, just pay me when you move in." She gave me the keys on the spot, and is prorating the October rent because I can't move in till after the 15th. She handles snow, lawn and maintenance."

<font color="red"> </font> GOD, HOW I ENVY YOU <font color="red"> </font> !!!!!!! I'd KILL for that situation!

How wonderful. How soon can we move in with you; the duplex deal sounds so great!

Candybear...I was just thinking of you and your new job and wanted to say that I hope it is working out good for you!!!
Hope you love it...and look forward to going to work every day!! (((hugs)))