[hartford19]

After searching many websites, I think I have OCD and I am so scared and confused. My problem is that I picture myself harming my son. I have thought about it a lot and I think that I feel so responsible for his safety, that I picture the worst things I could do to him, and then obsess over it. I get so scared that I am going to hurt him. I am afraid to be alone with him at times, which is hard because I am a stay at home mom. I picture other stupid things too, like throwing my brand new cell phone out the car window, swirving my car into others on the interstate, hitting pedestrians with my car. When we go on trips, I always think that either I will die, or the house will burn down, but either way, things won't be the same when we return. But the most disturbing images are of me hurting my son in the most disgusting ways. I am a good mom and worry about him choking or when he has the sniffles. How can I want to protect him from everything but picture myself harming him at the same time? It is so confusing. I feel like I am the only one with these struggles. Is there anyone else out there? I have been talking to a couselor and just recently told her about all this. She is arranging for me to get a psych evaluation and most likely meds. I am scared. I don't want anyone to know about this. I want someone to tell me that even though I picture myself doing these things to my son, that I won't. No one has said that yet. I feel guilty of things I haven't even done. My images are like they already happened when I know they didn't. Now that my secret is out, (to my hubby and couselor) I feel so exposed and think even more about it than before... not really the images but what this means about me. Please help.

[biplol]

((((hartford19)))) first WElcome and second, you are not alone hon.
I have a potpourrie of disroders and I have a really strong tendency towards OCD. I know how you feel, and I'm really stunned to read about your fears. I was never able to say those things aloud, but I had them in my mind all the time when my sweet little one was a baby, she is 7 now, and still I have to fight them sometimes, but they are not as strong.
Are you seeing a Therapist? If not I think this would be a good time.
What your counselor said?
Anyhow, please feel free to PM me anytime.
~hugs~

[hartford19]

I started seeing this couselor for marriage couselling but after one session, she asked just to see me. On my third individual session (just this past thursday), I told her about this stuff. She seems to be moving swiftly, setting me up with a psych evaluation to get me going on meds and then theropy with whoever my insurance will allow. So, right now I am stuck in the middle of spilling my guts and having to wait until a more specialized theropist can see me. It is torchuresome. It is helpful to hear that I am not alone. Thanks for the support. Are you getting therapy? Is it helpful?

[biplol]

Actually I don't like my T, but I know when I get the right one it might help.
The good thing is you are on the path to take control of these things.
This is the best place for support, so, please let me know if you need anything.
~tons of hugs hon and hang in there~

[Boopers]

I'm so sorry you are going throug this. It sounds like a total nightmare. I hope you will be able to get the help that you need and things will get back to "normal" whatever that is.

Take care and keep us posted,
Linda

[Faith_walk]

That is scary. I had the same types of images after I had my daughter.

The interesting thing for me was my counselor at the time told me to start writing it all down. I was so afraid to write it down in case someone would read it and then take my daughter away.

After I decided in my mind that I needed to write it down every time I thought it (I think this helps to make the idea more real . . . but then realizing it's NOT real) the thoughts went away.

It was really strange how that happened. It was like "OK, we're going to write this down and I'll have to tell my counselor about it each week." Once I told myself that it was like I was telling my brain. . .if you really want to entertain these crazy thoughts, then let's do it all the way. And poof they started to go away.

I still have a few thoughts once in awhile but I know I'd never do it now so I just ignore them and they go away.

Sometimes if I'm really stressed though I don't like to see knives laying around. I have to put them away because I have this thought of "what if I hurt myself or someone with it."

But once at work I had a knife on my desk and I forced myself to leave it there all day long. I was battling the thought and not letting it "win" and that was a huge turning point for me.

There is a book called. "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" which an old counselor had me read and it describes watching the thoughts go by like they're floating on a river, and are no harm to you. It helped a lot!!

I'm glad you were able to write these thoughts out. That in itself really shows you are trying to get better. And someone that was really going to do that would not take the risk of writing it out, know what I mean?

Take Care.

[Chris1981]

Hi, I'm sorry that we are going through this. I have OCD too.

Currently, I am trying to control my severe fear of hurting others.

I did some research online, and I found this link. You may want to read this article. http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson2.php

That article helped me realize, that I have Responsibility OC.

Wishing us all well.

take care.