[birdpumpkin]

Our electric went off awhile after I went to bed last night. Have no idea why - no storms or anything. But it's a trigger for my anxiety - probably one of the top ones. Ever since the derecho in 2012 and we were without electricity for 10 days, I get scared when we're in for strong storms or whenever the electric goes out because you never know how long it'll be, but since our fire 6 months ago and all my fears magnified about 100 times, needless to say I didn't sleep well and was lying in bed shaking. Thank God it came back on at 7. But it just reminds me even more that we have a $300+ electric bill needing paid that is scaring me, and now I'm even more scared. It was expensive at the rental home we were staying at, and the husband had our final bill there added on to our recent bill here at our house. I know I'm really pestering him about the bills; but I want that off our back, but he doesn't seem to be worrying about it at all. He puts bills off so bad.

Also, does anyone else worry about their future?? I've been really stressing about it lately. I'm so afraid I'm going to be left alone, no family, and not able to take care of myself. I always leave putting gas in the car up to my husband, cutting grass - I've never cut grass in my life, taking care of the bills, I don't work... My parents are in their 70s now. I'm not close to my sister though she's nearby, my nephews are far away, and my son has Asperger's and I'm not sure mentally he'd be able to help me out later - if he sticks around and doesn't create a life of his own. I keep thinking what if I'm left all alone and can't take care of all this stuff?? What if I end up getting utilities shut off, home taken away, end up homeless?? It terrifies me and has been on my mind so much the past few weeks. I need to start learning to do some things I've realized. But I really don't know what the future holds, either, however, I'm not seeing it as being very happy.

[lizzyjb]

I'm scared about future too. Pay monthly bills it's being harder every month. Every cent can be counted and saved and if I start to think in our future I only see me as a homeless. The money is not enough for expenses and mortgage so I have nightmares with eviction. Yeah I spend most of my time thinking about what if.... My mind can't stop fearing and thinking how wrong my existence is. Because when my husband look at me knows what I am thinking and sometimes he can't deal with me.
I have the sensation that I am *****/ his life...
I think that when we are in this kind of situation it's impossible think how beautiful the future is going to be because I only can see the dark side.
But you need to see how beautiful life could be. You have your hubby and your child and although you lost everything in the fire, you didn't lose your child or your husband or yourself. You are still alive and you have your family. And that is wonderful.
You have to find and believe how strong you can be. Lot of hugs.

[birdpumpkin]

Thanks lizzyjb. The bills do scare me so much, too. They didn't used to. I left them all to my husband to deal with and things seemed okay, so I didn't think a thing about them as long as nothing happened, but one time a few years or so ago we did get our electricity disconnected. He had fallen behind and it added up; and luckily my parents were able to help us out so it was only about 4 hours. We paid them, and they came back and hooked us back up. But that can't happen all the time. Money is tight for them, too. They're overloaded with helping out my sister and nephews and their own bills. I'm so terrified of electric being out - the uncertainty of how long it could be out and not knowing, that that bill is just hanging over my head something terrible. I worry about being homeless anymore, too. So afraid I couldn't make it on my own if I'm left with no one in my life. I know I'm thinking the worst and no one really knows. I could pass away before my husband. I just think of all of these scenarios of being left behind with no family left, and I have no friends to help me. I don't know what I'd do. What scares me is I may not have my family my whole life time; and it's just going to be me, and I don't know if I can survive alone.

[lizzyjb]

All that scares me too. We don't have children so I always worry about what is going to happen to me whitout my husband. So I understand you very well.

[Mustkeepjob32]

I too am so scared of the future. My parents are getting up in years and without them these last few years, I would be totally floundering. What will happen when they are gone? Such a scary though.
I think we need to not catastrophize. If there's things we can do now to prepare us for the future, then let us do that. Otherwise, we are worrying about things we have no control.

[birdpumpkin]

My parents are too - they're in their 70s now. I'm not close to my sister, plus she's 10 years older than I am and has had COPD the last 10 years or longer. My husband is 8 years older than I am, too, and always complaining about some sort of ailment. It's just so frightening to think you'll be the only one left and not sure if you can do it. Even just if my husband were to go in the hospital and I had to take care of things on my own for awhile is scary. My only hope is that I'd go first somehow. I have to be here for my son, though, and may even have to care for him his whole life. You're right, though - we are catastrophizing. I saw it in some ptsd things I printed out, and I think that's what I'm doing really badly. I didn't used to, though, and wish I could stop. I think our fire made me realize subconsciously how unpredictable life is and that anything can happen. You can never totally prepare for anything. Plus I just feel so scared of everything now since that. We were homeless for a month living with my parents til we found a rental house (which was pretty expensive) and I'm just so scared of being homeless again, and what would I do without my parents to help?? Where would I go?? But yeah, we can try to prepare the best we can. I know it would be good if I learned to cut grass myself and how to handle the bills, etc. That can help a bit.

[lizzyjb]

once you don't feel safe for any unexpected reason, you don't feel safe anymore. the trouble is that now i am aware that something unespected can happen in every moment. And i can't be prepared for the thousand and thousand of bad things that could heppened. That is that scared me. I am always fearing because the last two years have been a terrible mess. It's due to the economical crissis but i don't feel safe. Have no job an only deppends on my husband freelance job. At any time bills can or can't be paid and we have no one to help because all my familly situation is not good. What can i do if i am living in a constant fear?

[birdpumpkin]

That's what I'm afraid of - that I'll never feel safe again. I wish all these feelings would go away and I'd feel like I did before. I just want that feeling again of security and happiness. Everything is so scary now. Your situation is scary, too - I understand. It's like your life depends on the money you have. I keep thinking back to the days before electricity and so many bills and how nice that would be. Now we have to pay for these luxuries, but it's so hard. We live among a group of Amish people, and they don't have these worries. How much simpler they live, and I'll bet they don't even know what stress like this is like. I don't work either but have been thinking of something part-time in the fall when my son goes back to school. I'm in a rural area, though, and there's just not much to work at unless you drive far away, which I can't do. A little extra money would help bring in a little more security at least.