[rukspc]

Lately, I’ve realized that the more I begin imagining a worst-case scenario, my anxiety worsens. I’ve tried distracting myself but I’ve become so good at convincing myself that they are true even though I have no evidence. I worry all the time that something bad is going to happen and I start to feel tense. How do I calm my mind so I don’t feel anxious? What have you done that seems effective overall?

[CANDC]

Usually if I imagine a worst case scenario I accept that an assume how I could cope with that. Then I start imagining other alternatives.
Trying to stop the fantasies does not work for me. Finding something that neutralizes it and something I can accept is a good first step.
I also use instrumental music to calm down or yoga. Sometimes having a healthy meal or snack does the trick.

[summerblueskies]

Originally Posted by rukspc

Lately, I’ve realized that the more I begin imagining a worst-case scenario, my anxiety worsens. I’ve tried distracting myself but I’ve become so good at convincing myself that they are true even though I have no evidence. I worry all the time that something bad is going to happen and I start to feel tense. How do I calm my mind so I don’t feel anxious? What have you done that seems effective overall?

Catastrophizing is a common anxiety symptom. I have this far less than when I was younger, but I remind myself that I have done something or gone somewhere many times in the past and never came to any real harm. There is always a worst case scenario but most of them are highly unlikely to ever occur. Thats good news!
Is there something specific you are afraid will happen? I used to be terrified if I didnt hear from my bf for a few days, I imagined the worst happened to him!!

Just for the record it works both ways... underlying anxiety can lead to an unhealthy way of looking at things, e.g. an overactive imagination

[dwfieldjr]

Yeah I make up stuff in my head a lot when I have anxiety. I have a journaling app on my iPad and that helps, then I try stretching or calm breathing, or sometimes I just concentrate on my breath. Nothing I've tried has really taken my anxiety away to 100% but it helps tone down some of the bad feelings and thoughts. Also tensing my muscles and relaxing them helps some to.

[Soul_Flower43]

I practice 'Mindfulness Awareness Meditation.' New at it though, but it does work. You have to consistently practice it daily. Google it.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Soul_Flower43

I practice 'Mindfulness Awareness Meditation.' New at it though, but it does work. You have to consistently practice it daily. Google it.

Mindfulness meditation is a wonderful way to go beyond the roadblocks in our mind. It can be as simple as sitting in a comfortable position, chair or otherwise and following your breath. If thoughts enter in let them go out or go by. Don't pursue them or try to beat them back with a broom. Just come back to following the breath coming in and going out.
If sitting still is difficult, yoga can serve a similar function.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by summerblueskies

Catastrophizing is a common anxiety symptom. I have this far less than when I was younger, but I remind myself that I have done something or gone somewhere many times in the past and never came to any real harm. There is always a worst case scenario but most of them are highly unlikely to ever occur. Thats good news!
Is there something specific you are afraid will happen? I used to be terrified if I didnt hear from my bf for a few days, I imagined the worst happened to him!!

I know this will sound childish but most of my anxiety comes from a break-up. Some days I imagine him being with another girl, though I have no evidence and he's told me he doesn't want to be with anyone. The automatic thought pops in my head and makes me either sad or angry. Sometimes I even dream about it. It hurts and it makes it hard to forgive and forget. I’ve recorded my thoughts with a thought record given to me in CBT. I guess seeing him with someone else is of my worst fears – it’s probably due to my lower self-esteem as well … thinking the next person that comes along will be better in every way that I wasn’t, meet all his needs, he will compare his next gf to me, I was a huge mistake, his biggest disappointment, etc. I usually let the thought run its course before becoming catastrophic and 'lose my mind' or stop the thought it in its tracks. Effective part of the time..I guess that's just part of breaking up??

Some days I really do believe what I tell myself and other days, I know he wouldn’t ever feel that way about me. Does it sound like a bunch of nonsense?

[CANDC]

thinking the next person that comes along will be better in every way that I wasn’t, meet all his needs

What someone else is like is difficult to tell, but thinking you are not good enough for your significant other or ex is selling yourself short. You have unique gifts to offer and it seems that person did not appreciate it. What a shame that they did not see how wonderful you are as a person!

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by CANDC

What someone else is like is difficult to tell, but thinking you are not good enough for your significant other or ex is selling yourself short. You have unique gifts to offer and it seems that person did not appreciate it. What a shame that they did not see how wonderful you are as a person!

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I did the best I could as his girlfriend and believed I loved with an incredibly open heart. It's a shame it didn't work out.

[CANDC]

sometimes we learn more from things that don't turn out well than things that are perfect.

[Soul_Flower43]

Originally Posted by CANDC

sometimes we learn more from things that don't turn out well than things that are perfect.

So true!

[Perna]

Do the opposite. You know it is imagination (since worry is always about a future event and we cannot know the future) so counter the worst case with a better case or something you can physically do to make yourself better prepared in case of the worst case. I am afraid of getting old/of when my husband dies, etc. so I am reading investment books, books on aging, etc.

[CANDC]

perna, sounds like a sound idea to me.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by CANDC

sometimes we learn more from things that don't turn out well than things that are perfect.

I agree. Lesson learned, I suppose.

There is one more thing I’d like to mention without trying to sound annoying. If you care to read, I wrote a previous post on another thread that explains why I feel this way.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relationships-communication/352923-first-break-up-overcoming-self-blame-guilt-forgiving-myself.html

Needless to say - it really is over. This morning I woke up to a text message that made me feel very numb. It summed up what I'd suspected for awhile: he is seeing someone new. Nevermind the fact that he insists on being friends at some point and he still cares for me does not matter - right? Nothing matters anymore.
Every time I go back to those moments, I’m reminded of this:

"Sometimes our mind knows exactly what the truth is but our heart keeps persuading us that it is not true. We tend to trick ourselves into believing what we want to believe, what we hope to be true. Then until that one person tells the truth directly to your face, your feelings just get hurt so bad...by what you already know. Then you collapse. The truth itself is difficult to handle but the truth from that one person who you wish would tell you otherwise is the worst."

[CANDC]

To tell you the truth, when you are having difficulty coping, I don't think friends is any help to you. Everytime you see him it is a trigger - better to let the wounds heal. If he still wants physical affection, that too is a trigger when you are forced to break up with someone.
A clean break could be your eventual path to freedom.
If you feel differently, I respect your opinion. My friend had fallen hard before and a clean break was the only way they started the healing process.
Therapy is good and so are all those activities. Especially ones where you socialize with people if that is comfortable.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by CANDC

To tell you the truth, when you are having difficulty coping, I don't think friends is any help to you. Everytime you see him it is a trigger - better to let the wounds heal. If he still wants physical affection, that too is a trigger when you are forced to break up with someone.
A clean break could be your eventual path to freedom.
If you feel differently, I respect your opinion. My friend had fallen hard before and a clean break was the only way they started the healing process.
Therapy is good and so are all those activities. Especially ones where you socialize with people if that is comfortable.

It seems like he is trying to ease the pain by offering friendship but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I will never forget the things I did and what I saw even after we broke up, all the mistakes and everything that I did for him. The only right thing to do is just make a clean break - it just hurts too much and I wish he'd respect that.

Mindfulness meditation sounds really good, yep also get this issue far too often to handle it.

It seems the anxiety is the culprut a racing mind which needs some sort of reason and rhyme to justify the incoming string of thoughts?