[SeptemberMorn]

It's been a while since I've had one but here I am again. I HATE IT!! I'm pretty sure I know why it's happening, but those dang fears that I've stuffed away in a dark corner of my mind are haunting me now.

This morning, I finally started to admit to myself that the problems my youngest and I are having does bother me. My heart breaks for him because he's going down the same marital path I went down with my first husband. My mind tells me he has to learn his lessons the hard way. After all, he's his mother's son.

(Just felt that coldness go down my legs! My stomach is upset.) Think, Tomi, THINK! That's something else, I haven't been able to think straight all day and I've pulled some real stupid tricks, too! I hate it when my brain doesn't work properly!! The fear? ... a stroke. My ears are ringing. Wonder if my blood pressure is up. Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!!

Oh, HELL!! Someone talk to me!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[inkblot]

You are such a caring mother! It's wonderful how much you want the best for him. I know it's hard to see our kids go through hard times. It's very heartbreaking! You are right, he will learn about life. Every experience helps us to grow and learn from our mistakes. It's okay, be sad, be angry, because eventually we all learn to be happy--we learn to accept "Life" and continue the search for the ingredients for our growth and independence. Every minute on the clock around the clock is a new experience. What were you doing today at 1:15pm, 23 seconds? At 1:15pm 30 seconds? So much can change-- We can walk out a door, fold a just launderd shirt, an apple can fall from a tree, a bird can mark your car, you can give someone a kiss, you can get a hug, your kids can smile and say, "I love you". Give yourself a hug right now and pretend it's from me. I'm here for you. You'll be okay! Do you have a blood pressure monitor at home? If you don't have one, a lot of offices, hospitals or maybe even EMT's will check a blood pressure for free. How about doing some cooking? I bet your family would love some fresh baked brownies or cookies for a surprise dessert! Show your son (and rest of family) how much you love him. It will help the both of you go through these changing times and you will both soon feel better. Hats off to you for being such a great Mom!

[dexter]

Do you have a list of anxiety reducing techniques nearby. I know there is a list on this forum, but things like deep breathing, relaxation, meditation, stopping the racing thoughts (I have found that sometimes I can actually yell out the words "STOP IT!" and force myself to move out of that chain of thought)

Some people find it helpful to print out a list of anxiety techniques and carry it with them. it may be hard to remember things to do when an attack hits. it is easier to just remember to bring out your list and look at it. sometimes just having the list with you can be reassuring.

Inkblot is right about getting your blood pressure checked if you are worried about it. The pharmacy in my local supermarket even has a free blood pressure machine that you can use anytime or when you are waiting for your prescription to be filled. If you think that would help you can scope out a convenient place to go to... if you have a place to check your blood pressure that can not only put your mind at ease but maybe getting out of the house to go to the blood pressure machine will be an activity you can focus on instead of the anxiety.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

Is the anxiety over your son because of the mistakes he is making or because bringing up his mistakes is causing stress in your relationship with him?

You are right that he may have to learn the hard way. That doesn't mean you can't give him advice. But if he won't follow it and you keep pushing it, it will probably make him even less likely to consider your advice. Rather than thinking that your choice is to either to try to advise him or to leave him to his own life, maybe you can find a middle ground where you offer the advice and then don't bring it up again, leave it to him to decide what to do with it.

I'm not sure if i am even making any sense.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

This thread just got bumped but in case you didn't see it it is a list of things to help with an anxiety attack:

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://forums.grohol.com/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=anxiety&keyword=anxiety&Number=28877&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=93&part=>anxiety helpers</A>

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--http://www.idexter.com

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Inkblot, Dexter, Ozzie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, you guys!! I just happened to be online when it started and hubby was gone. I looked up to see how many people were on and Dave was the only one I knew, so I hollered.

Been having panic attacks for over 20 so I really do know all the things to do to control them. My best bet, now, is just to ride it out and not hang on to the thoughts, just let them go. Maybe because I was here is why I called out. I waited long enough for someone to answer, no one did, and just then hubby came home. That, alone, was relief enough. He came in teasing, pinching and poking at which time I went ballistic but at the same time told him what was going on. He was really understanding for the first time ever!! and he held me till it was completely gone. He did such a good job that I fell asleep when he went back outside. LOL Woke up a bit shaky but I know I'll be okay tomorrow.

Inkblot, you're so sweet! My son is an adult with a family of his own. What's killing me is that his wife was raised with a completely different set of values than he was. He's letting her and her family control him to the point that he's quickly forgetting his own values! Her family live by controlling others and now they're trying to control me. Well, everybody here knows that I won't be controlled by anyone!!!!!!! My faith in my son is quite strong although it's quaking just a bit right now. She's using their two kids as pawns in this power play of her when it's convenient. The last two weeks were involved in me giving my son a car I had parked for 4 years. His FIL claims he's a mechanic, so I asked my son if he'd fix it so he could trade it in for something that ran, because his two rattle traps had rattled themselves to death. Finally, my son got it through the old man's head what was wrong with the car. All this time, my DIL was happy with me but at the same time pressuring for ME to pay the registration and the new parts. I couldn't get it done fast enough. In fact, she wanted me to pay for the registration before her dad got the car fixed! Hu-uh!! We'd been down that road before with no success! Now that they've traded in my car and got a new truck, I'm back on her black list. I could only come to her drive-way, NOT get out of the RV and spend a SHORT period of time with the kids while they opened their Easter basket. I told her where she could put that idea and now neither one is talking to me and I can't see the kids at all. That will probably change when they want some more money from me. Guess what?? They ain't gettin' no mo'e!!

"Looters," like Sky calls them. I call them "Users!" They're neither "looting" from me nor "using" me any more! I know... I know. I'm paying a heavy price, but I just can't be controlled. It's not within the realm of my possibility.

Something else that kills me is what they're doing to their little girl. She's four years old and has no clue what's going on. Last time they kept the kids from me and I finally got to see my Autumn, she ran to me, started sobbing when she landed in my arms and said "We really missed you, 'Bela.' " (speaking of her little brother and herself) Don't these people know what they're doing to their kids in the name of "control?" ##&&**^^##!!!!!!!!!!

WHEW! It felt good to get it out... once again. I'm sorry this went so long. Thanks for reading even a portion of it.

(Breath in, 2, 3, 4... hold, 2, 3, 4... breath out, 2, 3, 4... etc.)





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

The worst thing to do is get worked up, that's just egging the panic on.

Take deep breathes, tell yourself you're calm, it will pass, nothing is going to happen, stuff like that, it will help, it may not seem like it will, but trust me it does, i do it all the time.

Relaxing is key even though it's hard to do.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks, Sundance. I've been working on it.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I'm glad, sometimes it's mind over matter , use postive self talk, even say things even if you don't believe it at the time, it will help.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[MizzzJ]

I understand your anxiety for your child. My daughter is almost 19 and going through a very dangerous phase of her life. I don't know how to talk to her, but if anything ever happened to her I'd blame myself. Children get to an age where we can only give advice and pray for them. The only promise that I make to myself is that if she ever really needs me, I'll be there to do my best for her. Parents do feel unconditional love for their children, but we cannot live their lives for them. We also have to set our boundaries in relation to respect for ourselves as well as them. Just let your children know you love them and will be there. However painful it is, we have to step back and let them live their lives as they choose. Let him know how you feel and thats all you can do. Its hard to avoid confrontations with children, but when they become adults, we must treat them as fellow adults. Its best to stay busy if you are in the midst of a panic attack. Force yourself to call a friend, go shopping, read a book, anything...My best to you, J~

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks, "J." Your post is very validating.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[texdave]

Hi, just wanted to let you know how nice it was of you to ask how I was doing, when you were going through all this and I didn't even know! Keep on truckin', Dave. (tex)

[SeptemberMorn]

Tex, you're a very nice person. It was easy! Besides, my blood usually runs at 95% Texan! You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl, "ya'll"!








<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>