Terrified :(

Today has been particularly worse, I have literally been over-analysing everything anyone has said to me thinking that everyone is angry or being funny with me. I think there is no reason for them to be mad at me, and I know I must just be paranoid it's driving me crazy
I'm getting more and more sucked into this world of paranoia I have no idea if this is normal for anxiety any more. I don't feel safe anywhere, i'm paranoid everyone is out to get me, or that there is someone in my house when I know it's stupid and there can't be. I feel like I need to carry a knife around my own (locked) house, I have to have all the lights on to make sure no one is hiding in the shadows, I hear the slightest noise and my heart pounds and I feel like I'm going to curl up in a ball and cry. I have no idea how I'm supposed to make this better it's effecting every aspect of my life.

I feel so bad for you right now but I honestly don't know what to say to make you feel better. I've had a really bad day today so I'm not the best to give advice. Have you tried sitting down and speaking out loud telling yourself that there is no one in your house and you are safe? Sometimes for me just saying what is troubling me out loud makes it seem less of a problem. I sometimes realise how stupid I sound and it makes me realise things aren't so bad. It doesn't always work but most of the time it does. Send you big hugs xxx

i get that way sometimes because i live in a dead end street and am isolated. i don't carry a knife around but i make sure the one i would use is in its spot. i hope you can get help for your anxiety too. good luck

Hi, Little Jay.

First and foremost, it is okay; it is okay to feel the way you feel. Paranoid thoughts are an unfortunate byproduct of anxiety. The simple fact that you say you know your thoughts are paranoid and absurd indicates that you are not paranoid, but are experiencing paranoid thoughts due to your anxiety. I have been where you are, and I have great empathy for you. It is mentally and physically taxing to be sucked into that world of paranoia and anxiety. At one point, I had become so increasingly introspective, that I began disassociating.

In my experience, I have found that acceptance and letting go is key. Have you ever tried meditating? If you have a smartphone, or any form of access to applications, I would suggest downloading and trying Headspace. It is amazing what breathing and meditating can do. It was the first time I truly felt relief from my thoughts. It was a much needed break, which sounds exactly like what you need. Anxiety makes it very difficult not to latch on to all of these negative thoughts, especially in the midst of an anxiety or panic attack. Accepting your thoughts (which is ONLY what they are--thoughts and nothing more) and emotions helps relieve yourself of that tension (fear), and letting go of them as well.

Seeking the help of a professional will help you confront all of this. However, in the meantime, seriously try the Headspace app. It was my saving grace, and continues to be.

Best of luck! I would love to know how it goes for you.

P.S. Visit the "Success Stories" forum. Specifically the very first one titled "My success story I posted this on the other forum as well ! Sorry" by Johnbenson23.

Sounds like you're experiencing an acute stress response. Have you suffered trauma in the past? Do you have PTSD by chance? I only ask because I tend to check in my large closet every single night before I go to bed to make sure there isn't a man hiding in there. This is called being hyper vigilant, and it can be a symptom of PTSD if you have it. Sometimes I even check under my bed (not for monsters, but for an intruder) even though logically I know no one is there. I have complex PTSD.

Thank you all for being so understanding, I don't have PTSD, just the depression / anxiety. Ive been in treatment for these for around 6 years and have never experienced paranoia like this. I called my crisis team when my fiance had left me home alone and I was freaking out, but they weren't very helpful and I left the phone call feeling stupid and like there was no point even bothering to reach out for help at all

+1 Exactly what he said! Ive never tried the headspace app though. What i can tell you from first hand experience is that when you have paranoid thoughts like this for a long period of time (6 years is a long time!) it can be easy to fall into a pattern to where feeling that way and having those thoughts can become so normal to you that they are just automatic. To the point where even if you dont consciously think about whats bothering you, you will still feel panicked and scared and just wont be able to put a label on it.

I have a challenge for you. You said you were scared of hearing noises/someone being in your house. I want you to try, maybe even just once, to not investigate/hole up with a knife next time you hear a provoking noise etc. Instead try to just do nothing different. Close your eyes, read book, be as defenseless as possible. What will happen most likely at that point is your anxiety will shoot through the roof. I want you to then accept that feeling. Tell yourself how it is - "i feel really scared because i think someone has broken into my home" etc. just breathe deep, and focus all your attention on how you feel. The fear should slowly dissipate. Pay close attention to that also. Once youve mostly settled, if you want to go check it out etc thats fine. I think however after enough times of doing this you will eventually not feel the need to do so.

Hope this helped and i hope things start to get better for you!

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I went through something similar a few years ago. Always worried other people were focusing their negative attention on me. I'd get defensive about anything anyone said, and got so paranoid that I'd stay up all night just to make sure no one broke in while I slept.

Eventually, I just had to let it go. I forced myself to go to sleep at night, and made an effort to stop thinking everyone's out to get me. I'm still working through self-esteem issues a few years later, but at least now I can leave my home without worrying that something bad is going to happen to me. Medication helped me a lot with that particular problem. Just got the noise to settle down in my head enough that I could look at things rationally.