[Gentle Lamb]

Well here I am trapped by an invisible monster called Agoraphobia and ADHD (which has rendered me a DEPENDENT PERSONALITY), a HATE this trapped mindset and the feelings of utter hopelessness that it is causing me!!! I have been CRYING OUT about this for so... long that it makes me sick, sick of me! Sick of who I am , of WHAT I am. I cannot see my way OUT, death seems like the only option and boy have I been wanting to die for the last few years!

I am married to a very narcissistic man, who is very domineering, controlling, and rages at me, intimidates me into backing off and away. I have grown to despise this man, but I cannot get free of him!!! I have never supported myself and now I am too sick to work, hows that for a fine howdy do you do!?

I hate who and what I am, I see myself as extremely defective and stupid. I am 64yrs what a wasted life.

[Travelinglady]

((((gentlelamb)))) 64 is young. (I am 61.) I understand your current frustration, but consider the good things that might happen in the future. You might be free to get help and get out.

Maybe other folks here can offer some suggestions, if you would like. Meanwhile, can you escape in other ways--such as coming here for games, activities, talk, etc.?

Feel free to vent, of course. We care.

[Deejay14]

Just because you have never taken care of yourself it doesn't mean you can't!�� Hey you could live another twenty years or more. May I suggest you see a therapist and see how you can get out from under this. Motivation is key here. Sometimes you have to feel really bad before you get up t : e energy to make a change and it sounds like you are there.

Hang your hat here!

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by Gentle Lamb

Well here I am trapped by an invisible monster called Agoraphobia and ADHD (which has rendered me a DEPENDENT PERSONALITY), a HATE this trapped mindset and the feelings of utter hopelessness that it is causing me!!! I have been CRYING OUT about this for so... long that it makes me sick, sick of me! Sick of who I am , of WHAT I am. I cannot see my way OUT, death seems like the only option and boy have I been wanting to die for the last few years!

I am married to a very narcissistic man, who is very domineering, controlling, and rages at me, intimidates me into backing off and away. I have grown to despise this man, but I cannot get free of him!!! I have never supported myself and now I am too sick to work, hows that for a fine howdy do you do!?

I hate who and what I am, I see myself as extremely defective and stupid. I am 64yrs what a wasted life.

--response: a therapist, a doc, a support group will help. you can get disability payments and a roommate that will be nice to you to help you and share expenses. One thing at a time. do anything that makes you feel empowered every day-wash the floor, anything. Read about your disorder and people that have it (city libraries have free digital books online). I like wikipedia online. When i had a rare eye disorder, i found the head of the so cal chapter and he told me the top doctor in the world was at usc and he fixed it! Support groups and associations are amazing.
I am 68 and bipolar.had to move to az. No friends here yet. No job. I had to relocate us. My dlsorder flared up badly. My husband baits me when i want him to do something. I Did my son a big favor and now,he,tells my husband to stop that. Yay!
We are all with you!

[sunnydisposition]

you can still make up for any wasted years, theres so much life has to offer. You know i had this friend back when i was living in canada, his mother in law was trapped in kind of similar situation like yours. One day she decided, no more and she came to india to travel and fell in love with it. so much so that she lives here permanently. she lives in this beautiful hill station. Only goes back home to collect her pension and disability checks. it isnt a lot money either. But the great thing about india is 1 dollar can buy you meals for a whole day, 100 bucks will get you a good furnished apartment to rent. I'm not saying you should do the same, coz everyone's different. but the moral of this story is she found a way out of her dissatisfied life. so can you. Theres always a way.

[luvyrself]

Phoenix is way cheaper and so is mexico. They probably need english teachers. Visualize yourself in a life you might want. Can your family help? An old friend?
Im trying to decide on a path myself in az, one that meets my needs so it keeps my disorder under control. Just met a woman online who will probably be my first friend in az, maybe even a bff!
Remember that nobel prize winner in math? The movie about him was A Beautiful Mind. He was schizophrenic for years, then decided not to be. A lot of us have to go step by step like me, but what do we have to lose in going forward? You have hundreds of friends supporting you here! Hugs!