Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

When nothing appears to work... Then again, maybe the tips I linked to in the thread are not enough.

In a bit of GOOD NEWS things are looking up. While I still worry about reaching Prague with delays or worse, the concern about the holiday itself has significantly been abated. The river cruise line company has been in touch to inform me the water levels have risen in the last several days making the chance of not having any deviations to our itinerary a great possibility. Woot! Woot!

I had to train the new person at work. I really didn’t want to and I sort of told the manager that. I told him I wouldn’t be very good at it. He told me I would be fine and I was his best one. The new person didn’t really get it. There are really only 3-4 steps on how to do stuff. I felt like I explained things well. But I had to keep explaining the same 2-3 steps to her. She was nice enough. There were a couple of times where she seemed to be a bit crabby when I told her how to do things. She would ask me stuff though. Luckily though I was so focused on working with her I had no time to deal with my own anxious thoughts.

I have an 8 hour shift tomorrow. I haven’t worked an 8 shift, I don’t think since January. Plus it’s a Sunday during Christmas season. I’m scheduled to be in the back. There might not be a lot of work to last me until my shift is over. I’m worried about being sent on the floor. Plus a manager that yelled at someone the other week will be there all day. The only good thing is that a coworker I really like has the same hours as I do and will hopefully be working with me the whole time. She says she will. But that’s not really her place to say that. We go where they tell us to go.

My neck and forehead sort of hurt when I lie down since this afternoon. I have to go to the driver license this week to renew my card, but this time I have to renew in person. Which I don't like

Concerned i may have hurt myself.

My anxiety went so high today I felt myself leave my body. Is this considered dissociation, or something else? I also had a semi panic attack at the same time and I could not think or speak properly. It was crucial I do both though. Luckily I had a Xanax in my pocket. My anxiety had not been that bad since March 2015.

slightly anxious that my friend is going to notice that her dvd of elf is scratched.

I mean on one hand, she gave it to me like that without checking it plays firsdt

on the other, she could watch it, realise it's not working, and pin the blame on me

oh well if she decides to do that I'll just say... look, it wasn't working when you gave it to me- I've done nothing

Instead of letting a situation control me and make me anxious I just asked the person why she was asking the question. Which was Inappropriate, nosy and none of her business. Watching her stutter and not really be able to answer why she was asking the question (she didn’t want to admit she was just being judgemental and rude) made me feel satisfied. She did finally give me an answer that made no sense. But it felt good sticking up for myself for once.

My anxiety has been very bad. I need to deal with it. I have a prn med I can take for it but I try to avoid taking it often because its klonopin and can be addictive when relied on too much. I mean, I'm technically able to take 2 tablets a day if I needed to. I've only taken one every maybe 3 or 4 months if that for the past couple of years. Maybe I can let myself take it a little bit more often than that, at least in states of extreme anxiety until I'm able to work through it in other ways. Getting out of the house and going places is becoming an issue, and the more I avoid it the harder it gets to go certain places, places I want or need to go. It has been hindering my life so much recently. I was doing so well for a long time, not sure what happened. Maybe it's stress from my classes. My last week before the semester ends starts tomorrow. I have a final exam on the 17th.

I made the mistake of getting coffee because of a long shift at work. I had a large Snapple apple too. Big mistake on both parts. Both the apple juice thing and coffee caused my anxiety to reach heights I haven’t seen in years. I couldn’t do anything about it at work except take silent deep breaths. The second I punched out though I severely dissociated. I took a Xanax, but I felt all confused and like I wasn’t in my body. I had to make sure I was wearing the correct coat and not anyone else’s. stuff like that. I went out to eat. I felt like I was going to die. Like I had an infection or something. I realized I was probably having an anxiety attack. So I thought since I hadn’t eaten much since last night that prime rib and fries were what I needed. But I am the opposite of a stress eater. So the bread that came before the food, just caused me to feel like I was either going to throw up, or lose control. I went to the bathroom, and hung out for a couple minutes. When I got back, the prime rib was there but I asked the waitress to pack everything up and we left.

Now half an hour later I am on the futon. I have just taken a second Xanax and I am doing my deep breathing and I’m trying to stay calm. I kinda feel better.

Coffeee is defiantly out now. And it was just a small iced one from dunkin too.

I wasn't overly anxious today.

Confronted two things that have been Giving me a huge amount of anxiety lately. I went to the gym and I went to the laundromat and did my laundry

I can get my Xanax refilled on the 19th, but I can probably get it refilled a couple days sooner. I get 60 a month 2X a day. I know I had a few left from last month, but I just counted and I have 30 left. Maybe if I actually took it the way my doctor wants me to my anxiety wouldn’t be so bad.

I obviously am not having the issues my previous doctor assumed I would with benzos, and my therapist agreed with me.

My anxiety has been kind of bad today but it’s just because I’ve had a couple days off work and then starting tomorrow I’m working a lot of days in a row.

Today my anxiety was there almost all day at work. It’s a feeling of self consciousness, why, also some social anxiety mixed in, but it’s more anxiety. Worry about so many things and mostly embarrassed, why did I do this wrong and then how did the person take it who helped me, are they judging and scrutinizing me. Why can’t I communicate better and explain myself and why I did this. Dislike that feeling, anxiety and worry and actually usually kind of laid back. Used to do yoga and meditation and it does help.

Moderately anxious today

Work wasn’t too bad anxiety wise. I was working with people I liked. It was just slightly confusing. I did feel kind of slightly physically sick due to my low calorie diet. But I made it through work once I had something to drink. I didn’t have too many anxious thoughts. I only took one Xanax instead of 2.

So I’d give my anxiety a 2 today. It was actually the lowest it’s been in a week or so.

My anxiety was fine today. And I worked. My anxiety sucked when I was off a few days ago. This has happened before. I feel good on the days I work and crabby and moody on the days I don’t. I guess I’m just at a loss when I don’t have work.

But then I had that anxiety attack when I worked last week and now I know that I’m just not making any sense. All I know is I’ve felt good these last couple of days.

So sleepy today and still adjusting to working an hour earlier maybe. So tired that I feel as though I think less clearly, anxious at work some and want to a great job so bad. It’s just a tough time of year with holidays, feeling sad since dad passed in June and his birthday is in December. Feel like crying often this past week. Can’t wait for the week of Christmas since will take the week off.

Now cauliflower is being recalled. I’m scared to eat any fresh vegetables. Plus I now have this irrational fear of getting botulism from contaminated food. Why does food keep getting recalled?

I believe you! My anxiety has been sky high this year.

I don't know! I keep wondering that myself!

I completely agree! I don't have anything to take for anxiety.

I am so glad.