Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

My anxiety for tonight is ok, but I did take my meds earlies.

anxiety pretty low today.

a little worried about how someone might react to a certain email I sent them, then again I was being honest and trying to just remember that

It’s ok until I start thinking about work tomorrow. Then I distract myself and think about new clothes and my Memorial Day plans and then going out to eat next week, and then it goes away.

This repeats over and over.

my anxiety is up this morning, I have gotten where I hate to get out of bed

I went outside to walk my dog and omg it felt so good out. It’s not hot yet! My anxiety is very low. I’m practicing deep breathing exercises.

I'm feeling very anxious about tonight. I've been isolating myself for weeks and ignoring texts from friends without giving any explanation. They asked if I wanted to join them for dinner and I haven't even answered yet. I feel like I'm a terrible friend if I say no to their plans again, but I don't feel like talking to anyone or going to any public places.
I feel anxious about the idea of going, but also about having to text them to say no... so I just don't do anything. I've been like this for the past 2 hours. They're going to end up thinking I don't care about them and won't be interested in making plans with me anymore.

Daughter's cat is doing better.

Anxious this week, but don't know why. I keep thinking I have an appointment tomorrow, but I don't because it's Memorial Day.

I had a small anxiety episode earlier. I don't know if the donuts earlier gave me a stomach upset feel or i'm getting my cycle in a few days.

I have partial insomnia but I know I’ll get to bed after I take my meds in 25 minutes so my anxiety isn’t bad right now. Although auto correct changed “I’ll get to bed” to “I’ll get robbed” and I hate when that happens because I worry it’s an omen and it’s going to happen. One time auto correct switched “my mom read” to “my mom died”. Total freak out.

Not as jittery today as yesterday. Finished the bathrooms so they're done. Still need to sweep the kitchen but it's too hot now. Husband isn't feeling well and kids went to their friend's house to help him pack so it's quiet.

Have trauma T tomorrow for post EMDR followup. I also have to order a med and make an urgent appointment for my PCM. The lump on my throat hasn't gone down with antibiotics. I printed out all the tests the hospital did so they don't duplicate anything.

I had a good nights sleep. I’ve been doing coping skills today and I have not had any anxiety. I had a good lunch.

No word from the PCM. They have 72 hours to respond.

Got through trauma T. I gave her more of my background story and she was amazed that I've been through so much. We're doing another EMDR session next week.

My anxiety is up, but I'll be okay.

I'm feeling a little bit anxious today because I fear something might be revealed about me that will make people judge me... About a time in my youth when I acted really stupid because I didn't know any better...

Hmm.. Today I faced my fear of people and spent the afternoon in the city ;-; This was kinda scary but I survived. I also had an "overthinking" session later in the evening but I managed pulling myself out of it

Feeling happy and looking forward to my 45 mins with my psych tomorrow at the sametime feeling anxious to bring up issues with my doc cus she is like a brick wall and i was treated like a loony by the ED last night when i went in for side effects from propranolol and got no help on the issue when they saw i was on qutiepine and venlafaxine instead was profiled and told i need my psych asap and given a suicide emergency number even though the issue had nothing to do with mental health. I then had the most happiest day ever out with my dad 24 hours later go figure and still having issues with my beta blocker meds : ( and 100 dollars down on a wasted and worthless trip to the hospital.

I swept the kitchen and hallway this morning. Tried to plan meals but not focusing well.

We were going to act as cosigner for my daughter as she doesn't have a job yet (she's being interviewed by ALDI on Sunday). Turns out we didn't need to do that. Her boyfriend is making burgers for everyone tonight so I don't have to do that. Good thing as I overheated earlier in the afternoon going to the mailbox thinking my book came in. No, all the stuff was for my husband. Note to self: check outside temperature.

I've been more irritable than anxious so I guess that's okay.

I'm feeling so anxious rn XD My life with my abusvie mother is like a rollercoaster to me, one day the can be super sweet and nice and the next day she becomes mean, threatening, brutal for no reason ugh
She has been doing very good these past few days (she's being kind and nice with us) but today she seems different, she's being more silent and started looking at me in a weird way, ughh I don't like that at all...

My SSDI review was in the mail. It was unsettling because I haven't hospitalized since 2016, yet I still don't feel well enough to work. I still have big time anxiety with driving and leaving the house by myself. My pnurse is a wild card too: she doesn't know me that well and she may think I'm well enough to work. I also have to mention school. I will probably have to see one of their pdocs. Not looking forward to that.

Other than that a quiet day. I made muffins for breakfast, since my husband is roasting a chicken for dinner.

I’m kinda anxious but not really about anything. I took my morning meds at 1:30AM. So it probably would be a good idea if I took my night ones soon.

I had some drama earlier that was causing me to have anxiety. I took an Ativan and felt much better.

Woke up today feeling anxious. Didn't sleep very well. Keep ruminating about stuff. Going to try some fitness today. Today is mainly my stomach that's hurting. I need to eat, but I'm not hungry.

Put the SSDI review paperwork in the mail. Will see what happens.

Daughter has her job interview this afternoon. I'll be home starting dinner.

Been doing laundry and dishes. Will be sweeping again soon.

Anxiety is still up.

I'm ok today.

Survived my dentist appointment. Very little scraping this time and they have a mouth rinse that numbs the whole mouth, so that was good. One thing though is to rinse it out really thoroughly, because the taste is awful. Only took ½ hour as opposed to an hour, and no ultrasonic pick this time.

Preparing rice and chicken for dinner. Don't know if the kids are eating with us, because I didn't plan for it. Daughter was packing more of her stuff so that's cool. Their mutual friend has a interview for a cable TV tech. Hopefully it's better than the fast-food place he's at now. Daughter is getting more driving time in, so I hope she'll be getting her driver's license soon.

My weight has gone up a bunch. I'm sure I'll hear about it when I see the doc on the 14th.

We also did a Goodwill run. My husband's side of the closet is almost empty, and mine is still packed. We cleared some room at least and got rid of a few more boxes of stuff.

Ha! I just had my cleaning few days back!

Anxiety isn't bad today, because I'm essentially on bed rest. (Horrible pms) but saw the pdoc recently and she prescribed...

Clonazepam. Have been ok anxietywise, past few days so haven't yet tried it, but I probably should before she goes on vacation and I won't see her for awhile. (I will see her once more next week tho)

The end