Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

Slightly anxious. Have been stressed out by my work a lot. Today too much work. Me and my colleagues didn't have full control today (never happened). But we supported each other. Yet I feel I could have done better. I love my job and want it to be done good.

Also good conversation with my mother today. She knows me better than I do myself and noticed my anxiety.

Now I took some medication to calm down. Not a good solution. I have to work on that. Cutting down medication to relax, or switch to more natural prescription free alternatives.

My day was fine. Met my new pdoc and he’s very funny. Me and my youngest daughter went to lunch before the appt. Afterwards we picked up a few of my prescriptions. Then did a little grocery shopping. My anxiety has been low. I talked to my oldest daughter. Her job is giving her trouble about work accommodations. I told her to only communicate with them by e-mail. She has e-mails going back to March. If they fire her she can use those e-mails to get her unemployment. That’s exactly what I did and I won.

I hate when people ignore texts, there is many logical reasons why but my mind always assumes the worst and I drive myself insane over it

Woke up with huge anxiety. Don't even want to leave the house right now. Not feeling good. Had nightmares, like I keep on ruminating in my dreams.

trying the Clonazepam today. (will have to spell that out 50 times to remember it.)

I'm being productive, but I'm not sure if it's because of the medicine or just that I've writen down my to do list and just wanting to move, move, move. we will see if I can try to get in some exercise today or if I'm just going to have to keep doing "productive things". Exercise is productive, but it's feeling so selfish and i cant seem to push to do it when my life is just selfish. Oh, I'm kindof digressing.

Returned from my second EMDR session. It went well but now my chest is tight again. My jaw hurts now but both husband and daughter are taking naps. It feels like I've been clenching my jaws all day. I know it's from Latuda but my pnurse has been flaky as of late. I might have to go to another clinic.

Easy dinner tonight. I can have someone else make it if I need to.

It’s kinda bad right now for some reason. It happened pretty much immediately after taking my meds. It used to be my night meds eliminated my anxiety no matter how bad my anxiety was. Now, not so much.

Sitting in the ER again. Nothing major, but the lump on my chin is getting worse again and can’t see a doc until the 14th. Went to get meds but the one I really need is not in stock anywhere on base. I’m doing okay despite all the inconveniences, but not knowing what this is—rather unnerving. I really could use an ultrasound.

that's it. i whined about exercise yesterday, i'm gonna try to do it now. and then I'm going to take the anxiety med. I don't feel really anxious, per se, but it didn't really seem to do much yesterday (I'm on a half dose at the moment). I'm thinking try again and see if it prevents impending stress as the day goes on and the difficult things approach me....but yes. exercise. see ya!

((((Hugs))))

My anxiety is kinda high today. I had to take an Ativan. I need to do some deep breathing

Ugh. I just read the news about Kate Spade's suicide. Though I'm not a fan of her, it makes me anxious to think I might end up like her. Sometimes, I think I shouldn't be rich, because being rich is my motivation right now. If I achieve it, I lost my motivation to live, and I afraid to....

TR: I saw that too. I'm looking at my phone case that is Kate Spade brand, and feel sad that there won't be anything more like that.

No new news from the ER last night. Looks like I'll have to wait until the 14th and pester the doc for an ultrasound. Another doc was testing out a portable ultrasound last night, and he did find inflammation and fluid around a lymph node. Why it doesn't show up on the CT scan is anybody's guess. On another round of antibiotics, so we'll see.

Quiet day today after all the hubbub of yesterday. Still waiting for the med for my akathisia and tardive dyskinesia. My muscle relaxer helps some but now I just want to sleep or at least not move.

Hope you all are doing okay.

Woke up with not that much anxiety. In the afternoon anxiety became very high. Now it's better again. I'm noticing it's swinging a lot lately from very bad to average. Also some mood swings. Lots of things are going to change in my life soon and I have difficulties handling that. Have been thinking about psychological help, but have no time right now. Listening to relaxing music and nature sounds, trying meditation, and taking medication. Life is complicated and does not seem to get easier. I've been trough a lot already. Need to have faith in myself that I'll get trough this.

I had some anxiety at the doctors this morning. It really wasn’t anxiety I was feeling after the doctors though.

Woke up and five minutes later the anxiety kicks in. It's always the worst in the morning. Now going to work. Hope it calms down soon.

Still no word on my med. One of the pharmacists is tracking it down and hopefully will give me an answer this afternoon. Until then I'll have to be groggy during the day because I can't afford the restlessness and lip-smacking.

I did get all my phone calls and emails done, all for medical stuff. I hope to relax this weekend as next week is more appointments.

My daughter found yet another job opportunity, this one is for closed captioning for local TV stations. I hope she gets something soon.

Anxiety is manageable today.

I’ve been at the beach for a week with my daughter and my mom and we’ve had a lovely, relaxing time.

We’ll be here for another week and my sister and her family are coming down today for the week. I have pretty bad panic attacks around my sister because she is hostile and verbally abusive like my father was and it triggers me. I’m the only one in the family who can’t just “shrug it off” and “not give her that much power”.

I thought I could do this for my mother and daughter but my anxiety is off the charts right now and I just don’t know how I’m going to pull this off. I am paralyzed with fear right now.

Sending hugs for those that are struggling.

Got the med at the last minute yesterday, but found out it aggravates another one of my side effects. Best I can do is take a muscle relaxer but then I'm groggy for most of the day. About to drop this antibiotic too, because I can't drink enough water to stop the dry mouth and other issues. It's not affecting the original issue (the lump in my neck) at all. In addition it's a hot day and the house won't stay cool with this crappy HVAC.

Despite this I'm doing okay. My anxiety is tolerable.

i talked to a new person today. anxious as hell! I responded to something, they responded back, I said one more thing and now silence. ughhhhh! I can't breathe! It's like the most terrifying thing in the world for me when I put myself out there and get nothing.

ok, well, I vented here now so I feel better. But you know, it's called low self esteem and also sortof this post trauma. Being ignored and then being rejected. I've always had this fear of rejection from silence, now it's just amplified! ( i realize this sounds very much like borderline personality disorder)

I'm so very anxious today. I feel it in all my body. I can't do this anymore. I feel like it hurts everywhere. I really want someone to hug me, to calm me, to tell me that everything will be all right. Every morning this feeling, I can't take it anymore. The night is all right, but the night ends. I don't want the morning to come. I don't sleep well anymore. I don't eat much anymore. Food disgusts me. I have no hunger. I'm so scared of losing it all.

I am o Clonazapam and it really works for me, although i take it at night and it knocks me out and make my chest harder to breathe, but i fall asleep with my sleep apnea machine and the chest pressure goes away with the machine.

Doing better today. Did four loads of laundry, helped with breakfast and lunch, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and helped the kids with packing.

I'm actually feeling pretty good until about a half-hour ago, when I started feeling jittery. I took my afternoon med so will see if it calms down. I got myself to ¾ of the muscle relaxer so I'm not drowsy.

Hope the jitters will go away so I can cook dinner.

I’m anxious my appointments won’t be on time and I’ll be late for work tomorrow. There’s no anxiety about work, just about running late and the appointments themselves.

I'm alright, just feeling a bit jittery about taking a shower