Thanataphobia Anyone??

Hello everyone, I am new here and struggle with thanatophobia (fear of death). When I stay busy and get out the house it is much easier to manage, but if I stay in the house for too long or am by myself at night I sometimes have attacks where I cry uncontrollably holding my head, wishing I could just leave the world. This has been going on for years now, since I was a little girl and used to cry to my mom. I'm now 24 and married. If I am alone when I have my atracks, I still sometimes run to my mom (call her on the phone). If my husband is home I climb under him crying and he tries to comfort me, but once my attack starts it has to finish, I have to go through it. Then all of a sudden I'm ok. I feel like it's the worst, because death is something unavoidable. It will happen.... That's what I can't deal with.

Has anyone else dealt with this?? How do you cope?

My fear of death is worst when I'm depressed, though I don't remeber any death-related panic attacks.

Therapy and medication can both help.

Here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, written by a person who has had a fear of death & 2 books she read that gave her some new perspective. Perhaps what she has to say can be of some help:

Why I'm Not Quite as Afraid of Death Anymore | Mentoring and Recovery

How to Let Your Life Be Kind to You | Mentoring and Recovery

Oh, Jesus, yes!

Are your attacks “panic attacks,” feeling physical sensations along with feeling that death is imminent? If not, can you describe what you feel in the midst of your attacks?

I read Becker’s The Denial of Death in college, I think, and he identifies the horror of death, the inexplicable realization that we will cease to exist. Our conscience develops from birth and, with any luck, continues to evolve as we become even more cogent as we age. We don’t recall the nothingness of growing in a womb and we cannot imagine the nothingness of death.

Becker suggests that, in lieu of going mad, we construct an “immortality project” to give enough meaning to life so to overcome the fear of death. I’ll not go any further than to suggest that you read the book.

Additionally, althoughDenial won a ‘70’s era Pulitzer Prize, the book was ‘rediscovered’ in the 1980’s-1990’s by three (?) grad students (doctors?) and they codified Terror Management Theory and presented the theory to the public at large in the popular book The Worm At The Core (not the complete title). It expands on Becker’s work and presents schemes for living a fearless life while recognizing the inevitability of death. I also recommend this book.

If you could explain your thoughts during your attacks?

Dying doesn’t bother me but I am scared out of my trousers, still, when considering the complete finality of death.

Let’s talk.

Thanks everyone!!

Every panic attack that I have involves the certainty that I am not just dying but will be dead in seconds.

Medication helps me. Therapy, not so much.

amicus_curiae

I am Christian, always have been. I believe in heaven or hell after death (which doesn't always help the situation lol), not reincarnation or nothing for that. When I have my attacks I think about how I have such a big family and with such a big family someone is bound to go soon, and what if their doomed to hell.. I can't bare that, but God said he won't put more on you than you can bare, so if I can't bare it then I'll be the first in the family to die and I'm nor ready, Im afraid to just END. What if I go to hell? My family will be so crushed, my son will be without me, my body will lay cold and stiff somewhere. After I'm done thinking about all this, all I can say over and over again is "I just want to die today." I don't want to be in this world anymore." I just want to die."

Oh, man. Okay — we’re really not supposed to discuss religion here but I’m not going to get into any theology (or lack of theology), but I would like to address your feelings. As a one-time Christian I can certainly empathize!

It sounds as if you have a few different concerns and fears — the reasonable but frightening assumption that family members are sure to die and fear for their salvation; the fear that the burden of dying will fall on you if family members are to be spared and the fear that, despite your faith, you’ve no assurance of salvation; the great fear that goes beyond hell and into nothingness (END) and a concern for the wellbeing of your loved ones. Also, a bit of morbid concern over your physical remains. All of these things are overwhelming — I know that I would be overwhelmed — but it’s not clear to me why you’d wish to die?

Do you feel as if your death would save your loved ones? Or that you cannot continue living with the overwhelming fear? Maybe something else?

Fear of death is universal, a comman human concern (maybe the common concern). Each of us attempt to deal with this fear in different ways; spiritual/religious beliefs are the most prevalent worldwide. Becker and the TMT boys offer a humanistic approach.

We have a need to not only deal with this fear but to have so great a comfort that we can, well, lead a life with (my opinion) a degree of bravery, so much so that we may become brave enough to even sacrifice our lives for others.

I would normally suggest that you might want to talk to a psychiatrist or therapist about your fear but instead I’ll first ask if you’ve spoken to a priest or pastor? Secondly, I’ll ask if you’d like to discuss the theological nature of your concerns and, if so, ask that you send me a Private Message.

I really, really, really want you to know that I strongly empathize with the fear that you’re feeling and the anxiety that accompanies this fear. I’ve not been able to overcome the fear or the anxiety; I just accept that I will die, as will all.

Take care.

amicus_curiae,

I think it's just being tired of living with a fear of something that is inevitable. It is overwhelming and exhausting, and I just want it to stop. I'm not a very expressive person, so the only time I really vent about anything is in some type of forum website.

I appreciate your empathy and sympathy. I don't want to talk, but I do...if you get what I mean. It's like being depressed. You don't want to be alone at home, but you don't want company either.... so, I will PM you.