Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

Christmas is over so my family should be free now. I'm anxious cause I know they still won't invite me over. I'm not welcome ever. I hate this time of year.

@Deilla - I'm so sorry your family did that. My family did that to me many years, too. Before the pandemic, I would ask if I could hang with them for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, but they said no. My extended family (whom I didn't grow up with) would invite me, but I was feeling really down because I wanted to spend time with my mom and sister and others. It hurt after being rejected many years, so I just never bothered to ask again. I just succumbed to staying home alone.

I tried to attend a Thanksgiving dinner with a friend once, but I felt really awkward being with someone else's family, and I felt even worse because I wanted to be with my mom and the family I grew up with. I learned to just stay home and kindly not accept the invite after that.

I've never spent Christmas with anyone; I've always been alone.

I also get triggered from things I don't know.

You're not alone, but I can see that you're really upset about that.

Don't let the way your family treats you define you though; you are worthy of being accepted, invited, lovable, likable, etc. I put myself down a lot over the years, but I've learned to use the affirmations coping, even if I also have to vent and feel really sad and angry and all. I'll still find some way to circle back, but it's really hard to do.

I freaked out yesterday, so I had to spend time away from the computer. I think I'm okay now, but I have to sleep soon.

I'm trying to let go of things and live more with peace.

I feel nauseated but I assume its just another bout of sudden nightime anxiety. Maybe caffeine or sleep related. I'm trying to let it pass without a valium since I've been getting better at doing that. I just ate some noodles out of a can of soup and some crackers. So hopefully it helps. I have Sprite zero which has been helpful as well with my nightime nausea/anxiety.

Edit: well that didnt really work. I ended up taking 2 valium and my stomach still feels weird which has me worried its not an anxiety stomach ache. I've had vauge stuff for a few days but just vauge.

My therapist messaged me yesterday that she won't be available until the second week of January, which I am a bit worried. My online class starts next week so I would be more occupied. I'm trying to have patience since it takes six weeks for the ssri to work.
I'm more worried about doing exposures.

I got out of the house and I didnt worry about my appearance. I was dressed apropriatly and no one paid attention to me. It made me feel good that I'm passing.

I still have some vauge stomach stuff but it comes and goes. Its more of an afternoon thing. Which is when my bad anxiety normally starts. I think its how much zero sugar soda and tea I am consuming each day.

I'm struggling with nightmares and feeling really down about not being able to do grad school. All of my peers are already into their careers, many of them with doctoral degrees, professional degrees, or Master's degrees and at the start of their careers. I'm not so fortunate, even though I surpassed many of them with straight-A grades in college and have formed study groups with them. I feel like I'm so behind.

I woke up thinking it was about 5 a.m. It was around 5 p.m. instead. The sunlight is gone at both hours, so it was easy for me to confuse - esp. since I don't have a window at all in my strange apartment's bedroom.

I feel like I've lost a day, but on a positive note, I did finally get some sleep. I slept all day, and now I can find some energy to do some house chores.

I wish that I weren't disabled or mentally ill.

I had a migraine yesterday and was unable to do much. I slept all night and extra in this morning and it helped. Today was much better. I am anxious about several things,but trying to focus on the present time.

Glad you got some sleep. It helps.

I hope your day is going well!

@Yzen, it sounds like you and I are struggling with similar things. I'm sorry you struggle with migraines, too. I'm glad you got rest, too! Thank you for your warm reply.

Rest is a good thing.

@Mounaindewed - I hope you feel better. I'm glad you were able to safely get out of the house without worry.

I've got that feeling like something bad is around the corner. Apprehensive.

I've had those feelings before. Sometimes they were predictive, and most times they were just my anxieties worried about all the news that I've read recently.

I hope you are able to find comfort and peace amid your intrusive feelings and thoughts. (((safe hugs)))

I got a bit anxious when I was walking outside because there a large lane of cars outside of my complex. It was because the library is a few blocks away and they were picking up their free test kit.

I've got another headache this morning. That makes 4 days this week I've had one.
I know anxiety is part of causing the headaches. I am also not taking good care of myself lately.

My anxiety seemed ok today it was more depression.

Now I'm feeling anxiety. I guess I'll take my sleep med now since it has a calming effect to it.

A mixture of sad feelings & anxiety.

I got out to have my blood drawn today. I put it off for 2 weeks out of fear of COVID. I've had all 3 shots. Still I hesitate to inhale when I'm near anyone.

This is getting real old.

@Rose76 - I struggle in the same way. I've been isolating/shielding in place for almost 2 years now. I just canceled my eye appointment, even though I'm triple vaccinated with Moderna (all full doses) and wear N95 or N99 masks with another mask on top. It is getting old.

Hang in there.

I've had to deal with getting blood drawn and other things during this pandemic, including dealing with neighbors who never mask.

I try to dump my trash and get mail early in the morning, before people wake up to walk their dogs even. It's not an easy lifestyle, but I'm making it work.

I hope you feel better, @Breaking Dawn

@Mountaindewed - I hope you feel better!

Bad sleep equaled to a ton of caffeine which then equaled to a lot of anxiety which then led to some unhealthy behaviors and now I'm just kinda numb.

I'm trying not to be anxious.

I was able to have 3 days this week with low anxiety! Today was not so good. I made it through the day and am hopeful for tomorrow.

My issue today seemed to be that I legetimetly needed to eat. Not stress eat. Just eat normally. After I had a mess of a morning with my anxiety and my mom telling me to be careful with my valium I ate two 80 calorie 17 gram protein each tuna pouches and I feel much better anxiety wise now.