Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

It's been very difficult lately. And sadness almost always coincides. And feelings of guilt for letting others down.

Even with the valium fiasco and not feeling good my anxiety is not unbearable today. I did not have any coffee for once. Just a can of zero sugar Dr. Pepper and 2 20oz zero sugar Pepsi's. I also didn't eat much and I do better when I don't eat much. I drank a couple little Gatorades which helped with my.physical issues and the tylenol I took helped as well. So while my valium situation is concerning I think I can manage it.

Anxiety has been in check for a long time, but the last couple weeks it's been creeping up a little each day. Today it's been the typical MO, OK early, anxiety getting worse in the evening. The meds have been helping but I don't know if it's the SAD or what but my desire to keep going is dropping every minute. Just can't keep doing this.

Appehensive.

I got my box of N 95 masks in the mail. Still, I'm afraid to go anywhere, except food shopping and to the pharmacy.

I watched someone die of respiratory failure. It's a bad way to go. So I worry about getting COVID. But having this anxiety for this long is grinding me down.

Always have anxiety in the morning, just have to keep on and continue my tasks, and sometimes by early or mid afternoon anxiety gets better. Exercise helps anxiety sometimes, but still it’s usually there in the morning and crankiness is often there before morning coffee is consumed.

I do have some anxiety right now but I feel better than I did yesterday.

Anxiety started a little earlier today than normal, but I've kept it generally in check. Things got better over lunch, and is now sliding back into anxious thoughts. For someone who would welcome death, I sure seem to worry about it a lot. Of course it's cold and starting to snow, so that usually knocks my mood. I could probably go take a nap with my dogs, but while I feel tired, I don't think I could sleep. Oh well, another day in wonderland.

Edit: The anxiety has gotten out of control now. The dogs can be put in the kennel but it's probably too late in the day. I just want out.

Edit 2: Panic attack coming on.

Almost no anxiety today, though I do "feel" it just below the surface trying to get out. But so far I've not engaged with it, so it's staying quiet for now. Got a little extra sleep last night so that helped I think.

A bit of anxiety. It could be from my neck tension or medication that has been increased.

I'm using Ativan 2mg to settle dowm my crying episodes. Twice yesterday and twice today. The small supply won't last long.

They sat in a drawer for months unthought of. Since Jan 19 I've felt so bad. He's never coming back. My real problem is too much time alone.

I thought I well past the grieving widow stage

It's been a bit roller coastery today. Anxiety early that dropped off by lunch and a good afternoon generally, now that it's moving into evening my anxiety is picking up. I'll just try to get through the remainder of today and hope for a better tomorrow. That's all I can do.

I had much anxiety today. I feel sad & disappointed in myself.

Struggling a bit today. Snowing and cold, so SAD is kicking in. Watching the news, which I have been doing lately even though I KNOW not to, is also causing negative thinking. Worrying about the future and what it holds or doesn't hold for me. Feeling fairly hopeless but trying to focus only on today. I don't understand how I can logically have so much going for me or in my favor but still feel so bleak. Should focus on dealing with my low self-esteem, impostor syndrome and hopelessness, but just can't seem to have the energy or mental capacity to do that. Just content to ignore the world and future. I really hate feeling like this, but have no ability to get myself out of it. Frustrating.

I know what you mean. You are not alone. It's really hard.

I'm not really anxious but I am depressed.

Anxiety is low today. I'm not going to complain. It is snowing, but SAD isn't too bad either. Doing OK today.

I've been taking the 2 visteril at the same time and its been going ok. The 2 valium are also working out as well although it will be nice to get back to 3 once I can get it refilled on Feb 11th. So far today I've just had some health anxiety about the legit health issues I have going on. My caffeine is still drastically reduced which has been helping. Overall it hasn't been bad and these last 2 days the side effects from the visteril have not been terrible.

Much anxiety, along with the sadness.

My anxiety is tough right now. It seems to be a bit physical since I have a headache and nausea and I am not craving benzos at the moment.

Anxiety is OK today. As always I can "feel" it wanting to take charge, but I've kept it at bay. Or the depression has. Either way, not much anxiety at the moment.

I went back on my med that I'll run out of and thats a controlled substance. I'll figure things out with my pdoc in a few days. But yeah once the anxiety stuff was under control I could seperate that from the health stuff. Which really sucks. Especially now.

My only anxiety issue right now is fear of getting COVID. I feel that, while this surge is still raging, I have to stay home and avoid being around other people. I'm lonely being home so much. I live alone. Now the powers that be say COVID is not going anywhere. It's now "endemic." We must coexist with it. We must live with it.

I've watched the man I love die of acute respiratory failure. He basically suffocated to death, and he was conscious as this happened. It was lung cancer. I don'g want to die like that. I worry every day.

Health Anxiety creeped up on me last night. Didn't get enough sleep, so I was tired this morning and the anxiety seemed to keep going. Fell asleep in the middle of my organizing, and woke up feeling a little bit better. Even the random aches and pains were lessened. So, took the dogs for a walk and just had some lunch. Feeling quite a bit better. Anxiety is still around but it is greatly diminished. I talked to my brother last night, which is the only difference, so I don't know if that had anything to do with it. Doing OK right now. Mondays. Bleh.

Dealing with anxiety again today. There is a battle raging in my brain, between the part of me that wants to die right now and the low level part that really wants to survive. It's exhausting. But as has been the case every day of my life and will be the case with every remaining day, I only have today and I need to do what I can to make the most of it. It's colder today and we're supposed to get snow tonight. I was going to make chili but at this point I'd just as soon not eat anything so I can feel hungry and show my anxiety who's really the boss. Of course, that's stupid and only hurts me. F! I hate this.