I just need to vent!

I'm in a choir - probably not for much longer - and the humor in there is the kind that cuts people down. It got really bad one night last week and i finally sent an email to the guy doing the worst of the damage. Well, unbeknownst to me, that guy sent his response to me, along with my original email, to everyone in the choir and the director!! Now, someone sent ME an email belittling me for "lambasting" the guy!! And she sent it also to everone in the choir and the director!!
I was very clear in my original email and did not chew him out, put him down or accuse him. THis whole thing has been blown out of porportion and i am feeling totally mad, humiliated, and anxious to have to return to choir on TUesday. I responded to the email - to everyone - telling them all that the email was directed to one person and that one person should have only corresponded to me. I straightened out the misconstrewed facts, and told them that the type of humor was hurtful and that i may not stay with the choir. End of descussion. I am still so upset and mad i am literally shaking. that was totally uncalled for. I'm too keyed up to go to bed.

That's outrageous! I'm glad you stood your ground tho. It would be nice to put aside all the pettiness & focus on why you're gathering, which is to sing praises to the Lord!

That's the problem with email. Once you send it, you have no idea where it will go. Perhaps next time, if you want to involve only one person, call him, or write him on paper. Your director should bring this subject up and discuss as a group as it seems to be affecting morale.

Candor, scott - thanks.

yes - i have learned my lesson on that one. =( this email debate continues today. each time i am remaining clear in my objectives and stating that this was for this one man's eyes alone. i think it is starting to clear, but it has taken a great emotional toll on me. It is still not completely resloved and i am just shaking about tuesday. but if no one ever stands up - things will never change.

you did really well standing your ground... i don't think i could have done that... i am sorry that he didn't respect your boundries...and my guess is it bothers others in the chior... did the director contact you?... lyn

no.... he did not contact me. i have choir tonight.... i guess the director will make a blanket statement to the choir tonight about respect or something. ...shaking... think maybe this is why i am feeling so weird and empty like?
i hate conflict.
kiya

I used to be in choir, and a choir is supposed to be close knit. They should not be making jokes, they should save that for outside.

i agree - course, that's one reason they're not that good, too... spend more time yakin' than singin'.
=( i need a new gig. this one is almost over - i'll see it through. seriously, the group sucks - i don't even tell anyone of the concerts and i have a solo! it's embarrassing to be in a bad choir. in part it is because the director picks out music that is WAAAAAY over the choir's head. Far too complicated for this group. Sad, tho. take fairly simple music and make it sound good - that way everyone feels good. *sigh*
Kiya