[LCER1]

Hello!, I am a mother of three boys, one of which was just diagnosed with severe ADHD in January. After much research I am pretty sure that I also have ADHD. I have not yet consulted a doctor yet. Any, to continue to explain my title of this post: My house is a constant mess. Such a mess in fact that I have dishes and laundry piling up. I do try to keep my house clean and organized and I just can't seem to do it, or do it for long. I have been trying to find ways to organize myself and set specific times to clean but as soon as I look at the mess I end up just going back to whatever I was doing before I got the urge to clean.

My husband, who was diagnosed with ADD when he was in kindergarten, doesn't understand why I can not keep a tidy house. He claims that it is not ADHD that is making my problem more difficult but just pure laziness because he does not have the characteristics that I am addressing. I tried to tell him that ADHD has a wide spectrum of symptoms and some people have some while other do not. When I say think he says that I am making him sound dumb and it just ends in an argument.

I'm starting to ramble again. My question is does anybody have any tips or tools to to help me stay more on task to complete my chore list?

[redbandit]

I think ADD or ADHD symptoms can vary from person to person. I have ADHD and prefer (emphasis on prefer lol) to keep things very organized and clean. Maybe thats OCD idk lol. My husband, on the other hand, whom I strongly suspect also has ADHD, is one of the messiest people I know.
As for whether or not you have ADHD, have you seen a doctor? I'm not an expert but I know there are a lot of multiple symptoms that go along with the diagnosis of ADHD. I had a bunch of mentally painful tests done. At least I know, I guess? good luck!

[LCER1]

I have talked to my husband about me seeking consultation to get a dx.He doesn't think that I have it just based on that I am showing different symptoms than what he has. I still think that I will get a referral for a psych. It's not going to hurt to know what's going on.

[montanan4ever]

My husband and I both have ADD, and our home is always chaotic. Let me know what works for you, as I'm always in the market for new ideas :-).

[Redsoft]

Your husband getting defensive (thinking you're making him sound dumb) and trying to almost bar you from getting tested for a diagnosis sounds quite like a symptom of ADHD he is experiencing, haha. Total self-confidence and stubbornness over an idea/"fact" is huge, as is continuing to press that point even if mentally they've realized they are, in fact, wrong.

Definitely pursue getting a test/check up if you are concerned. If you do have ADHD, having secondary evidence that a doctor thinks you have it too will likely make him lighten up a bit or be completely enlightened.

[geminis]

Originally Posted by LCER1

Hello!, I am a mother of three boys, one of which was just diagnosed with severe ADHD in January. After much research I am pretty sure that I also have ADHD. I have not yet consulted a doctor yet. Any, to continue to explain my title of this post: My house is a constant mess. Such a mess in fact that I have dishes and laundry piling up. I do try to keep my house clean and organized and I just can't seem to do it, or do it for long. I have been trying to find ways to organize myself and set specific times to clean but as soon as I look at the mess I end up just going back to whatever I was doing before I got the urge to clean.

My husband, who was diagnosed with ADD when he was in kindergarten, doesn't understand why I can not keep a tidy house. He claims that it is not ADHD that is making my problem more difficult but just pure laziness because he does not have the characteristics that I am addressing. I tried to tell him that ADHD has a wide spectrum of symptoms and some people have some while other do not. When I say think he says that I am making him sound dumb and it just ends in an argument.

I'm starting to ramble again. My question is does anybody have any tips or tools to to help me stay more on task to complete my chore list?

Hi there, Try researching SCT a form of ADD Good luck

[sukothefox]

I also have ADHD and have a messy room, lol! It's so full of stacks of books, bags, and notebooks. I don't really want those items, it's just that my ADHD prevents me from wanting to clean my room, since other things like reading or watching videos are what my brain wants. But I am not that fatalist, and I have tried to fix some things here and there, but overall it is still a mess.
Don't worry , I think you could smell the piling plates and if th smell is disagreeable to you, you may feel compelled to clean. Or you can tell to yourself "is this what I want? No way!".

[Maus5321]

My room is a pig sty, but I recently got a wild hair and cleaned over half my rooms cupboards and drawers of trash, so I have a half clean room, haven't touched the other half in 2 weeks. Meh lol.

[growlycat]

Sounds like you need to show him a list of clean up duties.....and show him which half are his!!!

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Sounds like you need to show him a list of clean up duties.....and show him which half are his!!!

o.O But I am the only person in my bedroom. So the list would be to myself I guess.

[Muppy]

There is a website (The Flylady) that helps with this. I am still struggling a lot but am becoming more aware of how procrastination affects me. There is a page on Facebook, too. There are areas I haven't explored yet or tried to implement. I do believe this will help me if I can get over being overwhelmed at what all needs to be done and giving up when I don't get everything marked of my "to do" list. You might want to look at it.

[WidowReynolds55]

I was diagnosed with ADHD back in March. I was not aware that I even had something like that. My husband had just passed away in January and I thought I couldn't focus on tasks or organize my thoughts due to grief. And I suppose grief was part of it. But I couldn't even MAKE myself do dishes, wash clothes, wash ME, get dressed, clean the house. I would start one thing, then meander through the house and find something else to 'start', then I'd sit down and watch TV for a while and THINK about all the things I needed to do and wanted to do. My thoughts were chaotic and I had no focus at all on completing anything. I felt like I had become so lazy and I have never been a lazy person. When I discussed this with my doctor, she wanted to try me on a drug for ADHD--Adderall. What a godsend! I know it's an amphetamine and can become addictive, but it sure got me up off my butt and interested in life again. And taking baths and doing housework and becoming more social again. So, maybe you should talk to your doctor if you think it might be a mental/medical issue. Also, having small kids can SO change your priorities that a clean house just doesn't seem that important if the family is happy. I have a refrigerator magnet that says "A CLEAN HOUSE IS A SIGN OF A WASTED LIFE". Don't know how true that is, but even with the Adderall, I don't get everything done that I want...but whatever I end up doing, I do it with zest! If you're really that concerned about the state of your house, I would suggest talking to your doctor. It worked for me and a lot of other people I know. And, of course, being a member of this wonderful forum will help, too. It always helps to know that you're not an ONLY LONELY. Hugs to you! And I hate to say it, but BOOO! to your husband for calling you lazy! Negativity never helps! Hand him a broom if it bothers him so much! LOL!

[Perna]

I hired a personal organizer once a few years ago and now get an email "news letter" with tips Articles | Absolutely Organized and today got one that was about types of habits and how to make useful ones and I was struck by one that had to do with "follow through" where you make a meal, eat, and then clean up. . .

I hadn't thought of things that way because when I was growing up, my stepmother would do the cooking and one of us children had the duty of doing the dishes, etc. so the "whole" was split up and I didn't see it as a whole? I remember taking tennis lessons once and imagine it would be like that or golf if one were to just "stop" the swing after having hit the ball, not keep the arms going around? :-)

[Redsoft]

Perna's post reminded me of another website too, called My Simpler Life; it's a blog from a lady that also makes a "declutter" calendar for the year, which has tiny things to do for each day to get and keep your home organized. It's pretty cool. Sometimes I'm guilty of getting caught up trying to make my organization methods work, even if they prove time and again not work... but the suggestions here are really just -simple- and extremely helpful because of that. Just gets back to basics.

[venusss]

From personal experience... I think ability to keep house clean is like being able to stay thin despite nomming on obsecene amount of foods. Some people have it, some don't.

If you are somewhat disorganized... i think it's better for those around you to embrace it. I have mother who is messy and never embraced it to "so what". She cries over "oh my place is messy!", She refuses to have people over cause it¨s messy (because you go visit your friends to see a clean place... not your friend actually?). She stresses about it and it's hard to be around her. Seriously, as long as nothing is crawling around, family will be happier to have you happy and place messy then be stressed over you falling appart and have place somewhat clean.

Then I have friend who created a motto for herself along lines "if you judge me for having somewhat messy appartment, then you are not a person I would want in my appartment".

Oh my gosh!!! I used to be in such a panic when I would clean. I would have piles of stuff in different rooms and would get so overwhelmed that I would just give up . I recently started back on wellbutrin and buspar for my depression and anxiety. I have been diagnosed but I think I have ADHD. The other night I was finally able to clean my house in an hour without freaking out.

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by tt4713

Oh my gosh!!! I used to be in such a panic when I would clean. I would have piles of stuff in different rooms and would get so overwhelmed that I would just give up . I recently started back on wellbutrin and buspar for my depression and anxiety. I have been diagnosed but I think I have ADHD. The other night I was finally able to clean my house in an hour without freaking out.

This is me! My most recent incident, I just finished class and had to prepare and update my resume since the place I am going to intern at may request it when I go there, holy crap I was a mess trying to get all my credentials in order and condensed down to 1 folder, I kept making piles then losing track of where I was or getting distracted, it took me literally all day just get them into one folder, I kept making piles, shuffling them around and not really getting anywhere. It was quite frustrating. But I managed to get it done. I envy people who can get things organized, with minimal effort, I felt like I ran a marathon after getting it done.

[2_b_free]

Ouch!

OK STOP I AM GETTING CONFUSED......
1. I have ADD...really really really BAD
2. I have a ok organized home
3. It was very messy and disorganized and cluttered
4. now it is not messy and disorganized and cluttered
5. You are not lazy...you are just lazy and not thinking about solutions
6. You need to be PATIENT, CONSISTENT, NEVER GIVE UP....NEVER...NEVER...GIVE UP...OK? GOT THAT? NEVER GIVE UP.
7. Go to your very messy kitchen and clean ONE counter next to your sink, do the dishes and put them away, remove the trash and wipe the counter. Now you have 1 counter and the sink clean and dishes put away. GO AWAY...STEP AWAY
8. clean another counter...do those dishes, put them away...now you have 2 counters clean.
9. chose another counter or stove top.
10. keep doing 1 counter every night till all counters are clean and dishes are clean
11. wash all dishes on the floor, put dishes away, all dishes
12 clean the floor
13. if you have too many dishes, put them in a box on your front door with a "FOR FREE" sign, post on free cycle ad and let people come to you and take it all away. it is not worth the $20 you will make for a day of HELL having a yard sale.
14. have a freebie party, invite people to your house to take away anything and everything you don't want strangers to have, blah, blah, blah... GET RID OF THE ****....
15. clean your kitchen, do your dishes and pick 3 boxes and find a place for them, throw them away or put them in your FOR FREE box.
16. If you do this every night for 3 months, you will have a good habit. You can take all the ADD pills in the world and you will do nothing if you are not willing to change your behavior. Throw away what you can't give away, give away what you horde, hording is BAD...HORDING IS BAD. ok? got that? find a place, make a space, or get rid of it

Last DON'T TRY TO BE PERFECT, TRY TO BE BETTER THAN TODAY.

Today, I can see my floors, I don't see boxes or bags and I can get a glass of water without having to wash one first. It is that simple, now take your pill and start cleaning your counter.

Have you ever watched the show "Hoarders" or "Buried Alive"? It shows people who have major issues with keeping their living spaces organized and clean. I used to be a Hoarder and would save everything especially unimportant paperwork. I finally got sick of myself and became very neat and organized. I'm to the point of being very O.C.D. with my organizing and keeping clean. I don't ever want to be that messy person again. I've found that if I set a goal for myself and just tackle a small portion each day that eventually it will. all get done and I feel so much better about myself and about my living space. I think it's very important to start little by little because if you try to tackle it all at once it will bbe overwhelming.

[Maus5321]

hah.....2_b_free always to the point. Working on all the things you have mentioned. I cleaned out half the cabinets and drawers in my room, now only got the other half to do and now I can actually see my floor, hung up all the clothes that were clean but laying on my floor. I unhooked the computer in my room that does not work. Now all I gotta do is get rid of it. Slowly but surely moving forward.

[2_b_free]

I need simple instructions for cleaning house. Breaking things up into manageable tasks and do them everyday. Some folks remember when I started, I could wash only 5 or 6 dishes before needed to step away. Instead of stopping for the night I would wash 6 dishes or more if I could, walk away and fold 6 or more pieces of clothes, walk away and pick up all the trash on one table, then 10 minutes on the computer or watching TV. I kept rotating and it did take me all night, but dishes were washed and eventually the kitchen, clothes were clean and put away, a whole floor not just a path.

Now, I clean a little everyday and I know where most things are and I am decorating the house. It's still not spotless by far, vacuums get left out, cleaners stay where I last used them, oh well. I still tell myself do one sink of dishes then stop for 15 minutes, then pick up clothes etc.

Today, I have good cleaning habits and more cheap and easy cleaning secrets you could ever want to know. I have a dewalt drill with a scrub brush bit, it's fun to clean with power tools.

[Maus5321]

A lot of the times my father says he wants something to be cleaned when I have the chance. So I will get up to do it, he follows with you don't have to do it now. I always tell him yes I do. Gotta get it done while it is fresh. Otherwise there is a good chance I will forget. So lately what I have been doing if he does not want me to do it right then, I will get the item or object out i need to do the task and set somewhere I traffic often, even if I don't do it when I walk by. It keeps reminding me I have to do it every time I walk by.

Or even if I think of something I need to do, like if I have a thought but I am in the middle of something else, I will set something out related to the thought I had, as if I am tying it to an anchor, so later on after I finish my current task, I look at it and it helps me to retrieve the thought I had in my brain from the recycle bin.

[montanan4ever]

Sometimes I can make myself do little pieces at a time, like "toss 10 things in the trash on the way to the bathroom." But I have a terrible time sustaining even those kinds of things.

[James franko]

All very good advise here nice job, my place is a mess but when it gets bad enough i always get Buisy and start cleaning. Wow hard out there when both spouses have adhd and add wow I can imagine my kids have adhd I have adhd and my wife thinks her symptoms are from living with me for 24 years. Mean time it's hard to keep organized. The best thing for us is make it safe to live for the kids and safe for them and us to eat. The rest we don't sweat,what for arguing for that. No way. Good luck everyone

[Maus5321]

The thing i have finally decided. Since me and my dad always lock horns over things. Well that and me being 28 and all. I wanted to stay home save money and buy/do whatever I want when I start working again. But I do not seeing a very peaceful and calm future. When my mother comes back from vacation I am gonna talk to her and ask her for help picking/buying a house when I have money in my bank account and an income flowing. Then i can do whatever I want in the confines of my own place, and my father cannot ***** at me anymore. I think it will make the relationship we have much healthier. That and him being retired now I think is adding extra strain because he is home a lot more now. I think it is time to quit living in a fantasy world for me. My mom also has money saved up for me so I will be able to use that as a down payment and the money I save up in my bank account will be for paying the house payment and bills etc. I think it is a good plan and I thank you all for being a great and awesome sounding board for me to come and post things so I can read them later lol.