Social environments and ADHD

Thank you for that it is a good thought it's got me mind blown haha, from my perspective i think i wanted to be friends with girls that shared the same athletic enthusiasm as myself... Although high school changed all that and i became a sloth watching tv haha.

I hope someone has a good answer for that cause it is a really good point, thank you again

Claire

Thank you for sharing that i know ADHD'ers that do that too simply cause guys don't judge as much as girls (who can be brutal right) i am glad it all worked out thank you for sharing that

Claire

Thank you so much for sharing that and don't apologise it is therapeutic so don't apologise for venting how you feel honestly it's partly why i made this thread to see how it made people feel being in social situations so i can be more understanding to my ADHD friends and anyone else i meet in my life with it. I understand that it may come across as you're a threat to the guys girlfriends but maybe just reassure them and say that you're just friends.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you for that i agree it is good to vent ouch that sounds pretty rough, can you hyperfocus on a relationship? My friends seem to and make impulsive decisions due to their infatuation with their partner.

Thank you again

Claire

The biggest motivation in my life has always been whoever I am interested in. I have done some absolutely ridiculous things- I drove from Arkansas to upstate New York to see someone I hadn't seen in 13 years or so, because I was so certain this was it. I finally have the 'one'. But, no. I had fun, and had my heart broken and finally saw a little reality. And, btw- I didn't have a license plate on my car. Definitely able to hyperfocus on relationships.

Luckily for me, it worked to my advantage with my current, and forever, partner. I did stuff because it was what he was doing. I started being more health conscious because he was and just so many things. The difference between this one and every other one is that my man really does want what's best for me- really. And I feel the same. We are very considerate of each other and always have been.

We've been together 8 years and I don't know that we'll ever get married. Why ruin such a good thing? Part of me does want to get married- but that's for another thread

Thank you so much for replying and sharing that, so if you hyperfocus on a relationship do you find that the world around you disappears in a way (sorry i am pretty bad with wording things correctly) does it feel like you lose touch with everything around you?

You're so lucky i wish i had ADHD cause i get bored of anyone if i spend to long with them even if they're someone i cherish dearly. You literally go to the ends of the earth which is amazing it shows how passionate you are about your relationships. As you say though you put your heart on your sleeve a bit, just like my cousin who has ADHD.

Do you ever get bored of a person? Do you have a day which is like hitting a brick wall and becoming bored or having your hyperfocus switch off? If so what is that like and can that apply to all social situations not just relationships but friendships, work partners/colleages etc.

Never say never you never know you might be surprised one day, your partner might be saying no to marriage so you're oblivious to him planning to marry you.

Thank you again

Claire

It's not that the world disappears or that I lose touch with the world around me. It's more like no one can stop me from my goal. I can't wait to get to the point in my day when I can text or call or meet up with the object of my affection. This incredible drive has led me to make very poor decisions in the past. It's like everything has to be right now. There is no consideration that it could be ok to wait. There is no thought about the consequences until it's too late. sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's not.

I have definitely gotten bored with people. Or I don't understand why they can't see how hard I am trying while they're doing nothing. Or I get tired of taking care of them or any number of reasons. I was married at 21 and divorced at 32. I stayed faithful to my husband the whole time. but I did have lots of friendships that were intense. but I would rarely ever have sacrificed my job, or my apartment, or lots of things- for just a friend.

Now, I can honestly say I wouldn't behave that way in the future if I were ever single again.

I have learned quite a few things over the last few years. Trust being the number one thing. Complete trust and faith in my partner and learning to trust myself and BELIEVING I am worth so much- I shouldn't just give it away.

Having a diagnosis and being able to use medication that actually helps is huge for me. Having a scientific reason instead of a character defect is helpful for my soul.

I am really glad you are getting something out of this exchange- I know I am.

What stands out as something you do or don't do that shows the difference between ADHD and non-ADHD? I hope that makes sense

Thank you again for replying it means alot ahh okay so is like a runaway train that is unstoppable and if you get in the way you'll get hurt? Say if someone tried to come between you and the person you're hyperfocusing on would you feel like that obstacle needs to be removed in order to obtain your goal? If so i get what you mean now i've been looking at it as a kinda distraction from everything else when actually it's just an intense desire.

My cousin does the same where he will literally count the minutes till the end of work so he can text his girlfriend. It is very intense i often joke with him saying i need to book an appointment to talk to him cause he spends 24/7 with her, either in person, texting, facetiming etc.

I can see how it has led to poor decisions it sounds like catch 22 where you could have the one person you want and achieve your goal or lose that person because of other life situations that mustn't be neglected. That is pretty cool how everything has to be now, that must a good motivation right? I mean i wish i had that i don't have ADHD so i try and 'structure' things by time but i get bored unless it's someone important to me i will go out of my way to make an effort.

That is literally like my friend who pretty much babysits her friends who don't pull their weight or make her feel like they don't care/like her etc. Do you think it is important to have friends or a relationship? Reason i ask is because you say that you wouldn't sacrafice important things for just a friend, do you find it easier to maintain relationships than friendships? If you don't mind me asking i am learning so much from you

Believing you're good enough is a HUGE factor, if you can accept yourself than there is no reason why others shouldn't. I agree being easy to get kinda diminishes your dignity a bit but again it's good to learn from all these experiences as you say you have been medicated so all your social situations must of gotten easier over the years.

Thank you so much i definately am learning i hope i can teach you a think or two from a non-ADHD'er perspective.

I think i understand does it mean that those with ADHD handle their life slightly different to non-ADHD'ers so who is to say what is right and wrong maybe we're wrong and the ADHD way of life is right. Then again whose to say if there is a wrong or right, the people that stand out are always unique and not sheep

Claire

From my own experience, ADD makes it harder to navigate the social arena. You forget things that most people find important, however trivial and insignificant they really are.

Thank you so much for replying that is understandable when your mind is racing 100mph i don't blame you for forgetting or misunderstanding. Hats off to you i take this forgranted as i don't have ADHD so i can pick up social queues and put imput in. I do however have an anxiety disorder so sometimes i am worrying and miss what people have said... It goes down hill from there.

That must of got you into some trouble was it harder as a kid or is it the linear?

Thank you again

Claire

Quote:
Originally Posted by sukothefox View Post
From my own experience, ADD makes it harder to navigate the social arena. You forget things that most people find important, however trivial and insignificant they really are.
Thank you so much for replying that is understandable when your mind is racing 100mph i don't blame you for forgetting or misunderstanding. Hats off to you i take this forgranted as i don't have ADHD so i can pick up social queues and put imput in. I do however have an anxiety disorder so sometimes i am worrying and miss what people have said... It goes down hill from there.

That must of got you into some trouble was it harder as a kid or is it the linear?

Thank you again

Claire

ADHD can cause severe problems in socialization and fitting in with others over the course of your life time. Most people with ADHD attempt to adapt to these difficulties with varying degree of success/failure.

On the flip side of the coin, ADHD people, when in their right element can be very chatty and spontaneous, so people with ADHD can be very social.

Many factors will come into play, their background and general status, how attractive they are, how much chance they have had to learn to socialize etc.

But ADHD can cause damage in all major life areas.

Thank you so much for replying does that mean that ADHD'ers will try to fit in but may say something unfiltered that may offend someone or they may use their impulsivity and spontaneousness to be interesting and thrive in social situations? That being the success&failiures

I really appreciate this thank you for explaining that so not only social situations but pretty much every aspect of life.

Thank you again

Claire

Yes in a lot of ways your right. I think that people are sometimes scared of the openness and chattiness of us AD/HDers.

Most people like to be left alone and we just like to talk, way too much. That and the over sharing gets people. They don't want stuff about them shared.

Sorry, class is starting gotta go

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you for replying ahh good i'm glad i'm on the same page i learn something new everyday. That's what i have noticed from being friends with ADHD'ers, people they're talking to could be complete strangers but can talk to them like they're best friends. Which can be good as you say openness is good for breaking the ice, however it can also come across a bit full on.

Yes oversharing is a big one no matter what my friends do they can't keep other peoples secrets to themselves. But i love them regardless i like their openness and impulsiveness. I personally think ADHD is pretty cool but just gets bad stigma from people who don't understand.

Thank you again

Claire

One more question in relation to your response, do you find it easier to socialise in person or over the phone/social media/email etc?

Reason i ask is because i find that in general my ADHD friends talk more in person than by text or email.

Is there a connection between the two?

Claire

I've lived a mixed environment kind of life. I'm better at censoring myself in person than I use to be. I like socializing in person than online, over the phone and so on. I prefer text over talking on the phone. I like having time to think about how I'm wording things but I hate having to write long thought out post. In person I can see from someone's reactions if I've gone off track or said the wrong thing and can try to redirect.

I love to write but hardly do it because it's never just good enough. I need tons of time to get my thoughts inline with what I'm writing before it's not confusing, backwards or they jump from thought to thought.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you for replying have you learn't that from experiencing successful and negative responses in the past? Hats off to you for that even though you should be able to be 100% yourself around people. My friends tend to have safe mode on when socialising, whereas with me they're just themselves.

In a way it's easier to socalise in person then as you can determine whether you have put your foot in your mouth or not. Even though it can turn sour if the person you're talking to reacts negatively. Over the phone you could block them but in person you must confront them face on.

That must be tough when you want to say everything on your mind but by the time you've typed it out you probs lost your thoughts and ideas. Is that fair to say?

Thank you so much you're teaching me so much

Claire

I got another question for you if that's not too annoying, is it easy to forget to respond over the phone than in person? I don't have ADHD but i find it easier over the phone as you can see the message or get a notification if you missed a call whereas if i drift off in person i miss the conversation and find it hard to catch up with the conversation.... Which gets me in a lot of trouble. If i day dream over the phone texting etc i find it easier. Which is easier from an ADHD perspective?

Claire

Really sorry it took me so long, had a little busy first week of classes.

It's not but as bad as I am about reading body language I'm totally lost without it. I need to figure out things about the person I'm speak with. I'm also a social person so I like being out as long as I'm not in a huge crowd.

My problem comes when I'm by myself and out in public. I tend to easy drop on people because I have nothing else to do.

I'll go more into later maybe. I'm out right now and realize I left this conversation open

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you so much for that, don't worry it wasn't an urgent question you don't need to apologise. That makes sense so you can see peoples signals and expressions to determine if you haven't heard what they said or got distracted i can totally understand that. Over the phone you don't have that unless the other person blows your phone up with calls and texts.

Thats pretty cool that you're aware of your surroundings i wish i was able to do that i can only hear it as background noise and most the time i'd have my ipod playing.

Thank you again

Claire

I listen to my iPod/iPhone to block it out if I'm working on stuff for school. I'm too aware of my surroundings that if I didn't tune them out I wouldn't get any work done.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Funny!

I prefer human interaction and texts over telephone conversations too. I can never talk on the phone for long without doing something else. I have to. If not i get bored.

I used to not text that much but when you are working that is your only outlet so I am used to it. But telephone calls still dont do it for me.

Thank you for replying it means alot that sounds pretty cool but must also be overwhelming, you get loads of signals all at once whereas for me it is like mild background noise that i can just ignore naturally. I do however do that too so i can play my ipod/iphone just to ignore any excess noise.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you for replying i can understand why you prefer it, does it make it easier to follow the conversation than over the phone? Ahh okay so you switch tasks quickly so typing must be pretty painful when you are thinking of something else whilst still trying to sustain the conversation without the other person feeling like they're boring you.

Thank you for that i really appreciate this it is super helpful

Claire