Social environments and ADHD

Is it easy to fit in with social environments whether it be school,work or other social environments with ADHD? Is it harder to blend in so to speak with the 'norm' or is it just the same as anyone without the condition?

Claire

I have ADD and I guess it feels like it gets easy as you get older. I was going to say coming from a small town it get alot better as you get older and live in cities then I saw you are in London. LOL

Can I ask if you could go into more detail what you are looking for in this post?

Thank you for replying i appreciate it, it seems like people who don't treat or medicate it only find social situations harder as they grow older in contrast to as you say it getting easier from a medicated perspective i am guessing? Please correct me if i'm wrong.

I wanna have a vivid idea of how it feels to have ADD/HD in social situations is it easy, is it anxiety provoking or is it a constant challenge?

Thank you again
Claire

I was medicated when I was a kid and into my teens. I actually found it easier not medicated.

Then again I'm looking into maybe being medicated again. Yet, I know more about the person I am before having meds.

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BTW, sorry so short. I'll give more detail tomorrow. Need sleep, night for now

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for me its hard, because my mind is bouncing all over the place... i forget what im saying in conversation, cant understand what other people are saying, get confused and frustrated, cant remember anything

So, here is what I wanted to say about how I think it gets easier...

I had the dx of ADD around the age of 7-8 and it was lot because I wouldn't sit still in class in 1st grade. My mom put me into a few sports growing up like Softball and the real reason it wasn't a good fit was I would stand out in the outfield playing with the dirt, waving at other people and just plan not focused on what was going on, same with soccer.

Once I got medicated I'm not sure how well it worked. I was doing better in school I mean my parents held me back a year after 1st grade because they thought I "could do better" I had a D in 1st grade. I was usually a C-D student but I was hyper focused on myself and running. In junior high and high school I run cross country... now that was something I wa good at.

At the age of 19 I came off my medication for many reason and feel into a deep depression for 6 months. I'm now 36 and have handled life fairly well and do still find it hard to keep but not make connections. Maybe it's because easier on myself because I've accepted that I might never had a deep friendship type connection with anyone but I've found ways to be out in public by myself and enjoy it. Like I've good at kinds listening to what is going on around me, yeah a bit ease dropping but why do the lady at the next table speak load enough that people three tables down can hear her. Now, I don't listen to them just because my brain is doing 2-4 things at a time and they just happened into the trap and I don't let then see it.

I usually don't pay other peoples chat any attention and sometimes I just find myself listening. I mostly shy away as I know that I do it and they also seem super fake in my area. The chat they make seems all the same about how people are meant to act social and how someone is wrong because they perfectly happy being closed off from others.

You are who you are and any friendships you make you should make because the person likes you for you. If they don't it's their loss!

Hi. I also feel that my social interaction has gotten better as I have gotten older. Maybe it's just life experience, I don't know. But I definitely have gotten better at it. I just ask a lot of questions and get them talking.

It's a bit of an act, but a genuine act or something if that makes sense. I am 'on' in social situations. But I only present the safe 'me'. The one I am POSITIVE (mostly) will not offend anyone or be inappropriate. It is exhausting. And I work hard at it. I am an extrovert and I do get something out of the interaction. I like making people feel like they matter, so I get that benefit- often times.

I really associate with like 99.9% of this! Only difference is that I consider myself mainly introverted. I have literally fallen asleep in the back of the car at the end of day trips out with different people, solely because being the most sociable, safe "me" all that time was completely exhausting. If I did the same kind of trip out alone, I was usually fine.

I have actually embarrassed myself on a number of occasions (both in person and online) by going over the top in my attempts to help people feel better about themselves. I suppose my heart was in the right place but wow were my words incredibly poorly thought through!

I agree life experience is a big factor, as well as being sure to take interest in other people and learning what makes them tic.

I have definitely had more than my fair share of awkward and annoying everything Total foot in mouth disease- I was speaking with one of my professors on the phone, whom I had never met. Toward the end of the conversation I said, "I was totally under the impression that you were a woman" she said, "I am" Her voice sounded like a man's, but even so-- why would I say such a thing?!? It is funny now

It's been a very tough and thoughtful journey to get this far- lot's of honesty with myself- especially over the particularly ugly stuff. I know I will be trying every day of my life, but maybe some days a little less than others.

I am learning to really like this place

All throughout middle school and elementary school, and even the beginnings of high school, my ability to socially interact got progressively worse. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in high school. Looking back, I can really see some of the negatives of the ADHD. It's not as obvious as a little kid, if you are hyper and loud, because everyone just sort of plays on the playground. But as I got older, I really had trouble because of my inability to track conversations. Girls would stand in a cluster at recess and gossip and I was always a step behind. Being medicated really opened my eyes and I began to learn the social skills that I had obviously lacked.

*nods* I was alluding to this in another post, but I also wondered if it might be ADHD that caused me not to befriend girls as easily as boys when I was little. Sitting still on the grass and talking about boy bands and how our periods would be starting "soon" didn't have quite the same draw as swings, slides, or kicking a ball around. (You know I was probably ripping up piles of grass the whole time actually. I think that was a bit of a habit for me then. Not that it matters now, but I can't imagine how ridiculous I must have looked to most girls.)

You know, I've always wondered why us girls who were perfectly happy being tomboys longed for female friends?

Yet, the main reason, usually, why we never did is because after two seconds we remembered why.

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I didn't have very many female friends growing up and into my 20's. I always had a lot of guy friends. Now that I am older and have been living in one place for more than a year- I have developed close female relationships. I really enjoy the time with women now.

My life has been inconsistent. Strangely I had my "closest" (relative term here) group of female friends in junior high after not being a hit with the girls for all of elementary. But as a general life pattern, although things definitely got better as I got older in terms of my social skills and comfort around people, I still found it difficult to make/keep female friends. Then there's this period after university where your guy friends start avoiding you too, because I guess it just "looks bad" to their girlfriends to be around you. *sigh* Sorry for the rambling. I think reflecting might be therapeutic for me or something.

It's absolutely therapeutic for me! Rambling? Have you seen how long my posts can be

Things definitely changed after everyone started pairing off, but I was married when I was 21 and I guess I was 'safe' to be around because of it. All of the guys I was friends with were my husbands friends. I moved to a new area and knew no one. I met him and got married 7 months later- talk about impulsive (we divorced after 11 years and 3 kids)

Now who's rambling

Thank you for replying is it easier in the sense you can be yourself without having to medicate just to "fit in with the norm" whatever the norm is. I'm no expert but i had a bad anxiety phase i had to be medicated to get through it all, i learnt exercises, coping mechanisms etc whilst on them so that once i come off them i won't need to be medicated anymore. Maybe that might work for you, or even just medicated yourself when you want to focus intensely on work or bills etc and then leave the meds until you may need them again.

That way you have the best of both worlds thats only my opinion though thank you for replying

Claire

No worries at all, i am sorry for the late reply haven't been online in a day or so

Claire

Thank you so much for sharing that and replying it means a lot i can imagine how tough that must be, almost like when you're trying to keep up with someone who is talking too quickly so you lose track, then try and rewind back but can't then end up missing everything others are saying. I have been there although i don't have ADHD i understand how awkward and challenging that situation can be.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you so much for sharing all of that and taking the time to reply, that must of brought back a flood of memories and emotions writing this all out. I never knew ADHD could have such an impact on daily life i applaud you for being able to manage it so well, from what i have read anyway you seem like a lovely person. It is easy for people to become bitter and resentful going through all that especially from a young age not being able to focus on soccer, softball etc.

I don't blame you for not wanting to fathom why people can be so harsh and judgemental. I think people who are confident and happy within themselves don't always need friends as it can cause depression, upset etc. Less people less drama maybe it's good for you to be comfortable as you are to be able to be the best you can be and may help with depression.

Maybe going to social clubs or events that you can mingle with others but at the same time don't need to be conformed to any friendship/relationship.

I couldn't agree more and i read somewhere that you're like the 5 people you are closest too. So others literally impact on you, people like that i stay away from cause being a sheep gets you nowhere it's always the unique people that are successful so take no notice of people like that.

Hopefully you'll find someone that will bring you out of your shell, i have friends that try to bring the best out of me and vice versa. Tearing people down cause they don't fit the "normal" mold is pathetic so i completely agree with you not wanting to bother with people like that

Thank you for teaching me that it is really helpful thank you

Claire

Thank you for replying and sharing that i appreciate it greatly that is really good techniques cause you are in control so even if you drift off you showed you were intrigued to hear what they had to say so they cannot be mad at you. That must be tiring, almost like you're spiderman for instance haha, you are two different people and only let certain, few people know the real you.

With my friends who have ADHD i try to be comforting to them when they get knocked down for being "different" or "annoying". It seems tough from what i've seen as they become different people around strangers or people that aren't close to them, as if they're ashamed to show who they really are. I try and encourage them to be themselves cause it's disheartening seeing them change to fit in with the "norm".

I am glad you're an extrovert that must be beneficial in social situations as you can set the tone of the conversations by as you say asking questions.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you for sharing that i really feel for you having to put on this controlled brave persona just to not come across in a way that others might not like. That is a great shame cause my ADHD friends are amazing and have a true gift however like you say they also shy away from showing their true selves.

Claire

Thank you so much for sharing that i really appreciate it it gives me a good idea of how tough it can be when your mind is wondering uncontrollably making social situations a lot more challenging. I think as well that the 'foot in mouth disease' you call it can actually be pretty good at breaking the ice in conversations or making witty humour, do you think? I have definately noticed that with my ADHD friends they're very quick to put their foot in their mouth or say something at the wrong time but in contrast can easily get out of situations by brainstorming excuses and also very funny comments.

I am so glad you feel comfortable sharing that, this is what sites like this are made for i am sure that once you accept yourself and all your pros and cons you'll be even happier and won't care what others say or what they think, as i always say to my friends just ignore people that take anything you say personally they don't have an interesting life otherwise they would see the humour in it and laugh it off.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you so much for sharing that

I wish to learn more about ADHD and how it may feel in the shoes of people with the condition and that really helped me thank you although that sounds rough did you have trouble keeping friends or did you blend in with your peers? Correct me if i am wrong but is it fair to say that all kids below the age of 10 can make ADD'ers blend in easier due to the hyperactivity as you say so in a way blend in easier with 'the norm' so to speak. Then when the work builds up, focus becomes more intense and social situations alternate ADHD'ers can stand out like a sore thumb?

I honestly don't want it to come across like i am offending you i genuinely am trying to comprehend it all, thank you so much again

Claire

Thank you for replying

I also went through a tomboy-ish phase when i'd rather kick a ball about, run or even get my knees dirty from running in mud, than to sit and have girly chats, play teachers or hairdressers. I have an anxiety disorder so i think i felt more relaxed being friends with boys as they weren't judgemental, what you see is what you get and they always made games interesting. Girls tend to sit and waste their breaks talking. This was painful for me as i had no care in the world other than to be happy. I think anxiety caused that for me as i was always conscious of what people thought of me. I think it's just something anyone could do to avoid drama or stress so i don't think it is purely an ADHD trait but of course hyperactivity could have a part to play in it.

It is like we're the same person haha, i done the same although i don't have ADHD all kids have a lot of energy so i think we were just 'normal' kids that liked to play physically at break instead of sitting and talking.

Thank you for that

Claire