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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 929
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#1
Just wondered if anyone else here has any thoughts on being angry?
I find I am angry a lot, not out and out spitting fire anger but this constant low level defensive resentment that will flare up into a momentary flash of rage whenever I perceive a threat to my sense of self (eg criticism, rejection, judgement, being ignored or invalidated, negated, not listened to, put down…). It feels like it’s much bigger and more intense than it appears on the surface and I’m really having problems dealing with it – it’s bad enough feeling like a piece of worthless rubbish in the eyes of others, but to have proof positive that people couldn’t like me, in the form of this gnawing impotent rage-like stuff, is really hard to take . I wondered if I’m alone with this or does anyone else live with a background sense of anger/resentment/rage that constantly emerges whenever you have dealings with other people? Torn |
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Blue Coral, grey_, shlump
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grey_, shortandcute, Thimble
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Member
Member Since Nov 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 76
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#2
Hey Torn,
I'm sure you're tired of hearing from me, but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone with having a lot of anger. I have several fist-sized holes in my walls and a few in my door. I never show this anger when I'm around anyone else though. Everyone always tells me that I'm like a ticking bomb waiting to go off and they hope that they aren't anywhere around when it happens, or that they hope they never get in a fight with me. I guess I look intimidating? I don't know. Lol. I didn't mean to go on about it, but I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Do you let them know that you are feeling this anger, either telling them or acting out on it? Or do you prefer to keep it to yourself? And when you do get mad when you feel a threat to your sense of self, do you think about if they meant it to sound that way? Sorry about all the questions. All the best , Chris. |
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Lamplighter, Thimble
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Brisbane Australia
Posts: 8
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#3
Hey Torn,
Cool name by the way - very fitting. Yeah I have a continuous low level fire burning. I never, ever let people see that I am angry. Usually I hold my anger and wait until a valid upsetting thing occurs in work, and then really let fly, releasing as much as I can professionally. The rest of the anger turns upside down into depression. I feel really angry about (insert the real life **** im dealing with) and more generally i think its frustration that turns into anger, born from not actually being myself, like its ..... because I dont act as myself, purely my defensive shell (even to myself) im frustrated. I dont know if that makes sense. I guess what I'm saying is that because I am not me, i get angry. I find myself displacing that anger onto others all the time, and I have to remind myself to be fair - the situation I am in isnt anybody elses fault but mine. Its my **** to deal with, and my **** to accept. |
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Lamplighter, Onward2wards, Thimble
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 929
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#4
Chris I could never be tired of hearing from you! If it helps any, think about replying to people's threads as doing them a major favour, there is nothing worse than posting a thread and not getting responses, so the simple fact that you've taken the time to read my post, let alone actually sit down and bother to reply, means a lot to me . (Same for you too Captain Argh!)
Interesting that despite the fact you don't act on your anger, people are aware of it and tell you you're a ticking time bomb. I hardly ever act on my anger it just sits inside eating away at me - it's more like gnawing impotent resentment and I hate it. I'd love to be able to punch holes in walls and feel ok about doing so. So even though neither of us openly act on anger (at least not around people) they nevertheless pick up on it. Anger has such bad press in our culture and there's this incessant pressure from all sides to get rid of it, not feel it, control it, 'manage' it that it's really difficult to feel ok about feeling angry, that is just feeling it, let alone expressing it. Captain Argh just about everything you said resonates with me! Quote:
I do very much get what you're saying about holding the anger in until a valid external reason presents itself and then you have at least some permission for venting it (of course others tend to see it as overreacting, and it never feels ok anyway because the anger stems from other things not the actual here and now catalyst for it.) Quote:
But of course, that would just alienate people even further from me and put me beyond the pale, alone and unwanted, that's definitely not ok. This is a real no win situation to be in. I was thinking about this anger thing on the way to therapy the other day, and I suddenly realized that what I'm experiencing is borderline rage. My T assessed me primarily as AvPD but she was clear that she thought I had strong borderline tendencies (which I couldn't really see myself). Now I do and it makes a lot of sense. I wonder if those of us with AvPD who also have to deal with a lot of seemingly over the top anger aren't holding a foot in the borderline camp? Anyway I write that just to say that I'm going to take the issue of anger over to the BPD forum and see what others' take on it is over there. And how they deal with it... Thanks you two for replying Torn __________________ Somebody must have made a false accusation against Josef K, for he was arrested one morning without having done anything wrong. (The Trial, Franz Kafka) Lamplighter used to be Torn Mind |
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Call Me Chris
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Brisbane Australia
Posts: 8
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#5
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I actually feel angry, sick and soooooo frustrated about what I know, and how I continue to behave strictly according to my programming. This makes me feel exceptionally trapped continuously, even so far as when asleep and dreaming. I realise the impacts my behaviour has on myself and others, I see the effects all the time yet I continue to rationalise, defend and deny every dang-nabbit (thanks red-neck fishing dude) trait that I have. I am at my wits end. Quote:
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I reckon we actually need to find the why's within ourselves rather than prescribing our behaviour to a textbook or what feels comfortable. I know this intellectually; however struggle with it emotionally. The power we are looking for has to come from ourselves. |
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Lamplighter
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: South Africa
Posts: 14
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#6
I feel exactly the same as you. Whenever someone (doesn't matter who, it can be teachers, principle, my mom and dad etc) criticize me, judge me, yell at me, look at me funny, laugh at me, humiliate me, I fly into a rage full of swear words, insults and threats.
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Lamplighter
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#7
I'm angry nearly all the time. I've broken so much stuff (and lied about how it got broken of course) and continued to self-harm well into my 20's (and still do actually) because there is no other way to let the anger out. No one understands my feelings other than they're stupid.
The fact that I can't even express how I feel without being made fun of or having those feelings belittled, makes me even angrier. The fact that I can't even be myself around ANYONE pisses me off like nothing else. I hate people. I wish murder weren't a crime. |
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Lamplighter, shortandcute
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: Washington State, U.S.A.
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#8
I go thru that on a regular basis.
__________________ "Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
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Lamplighter
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Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Rural Kansas
Posts: 54
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#9
Hi everyone,
When I first was reading the posts in this thread, I thought it really doesn't describe me. But as I think about this more, I realize that I also have gone through the anger/rage for many years in my life. I really used to be angry a lot, until I started on all these psychotropic meds that make me basically not have emotions. It's kind of hard to explain. |
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Lamplighter
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: Some days Mobius, others Cybertron.
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#10
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__________________ If we believe we can't lose Even mountains will move It's my faith, it's my life This is our battle cry! -Skillet |
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Lamplighter
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Member Since Dec 2012
Posts: 29
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#11
I too feel this a lot but cant find a way to deal with it. I say to myself "no please dont", then i swear(in my mind, maybe move lips with a sound), then say i dont care, then a few more such meaningless words to myself untill i meet some friend, or go shopping or eat & drink something i like,play games, watch movie... anything that takes me away from my voice.
__________________ Is anybody out there? Feels like I am talking to myself. |
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Lamplighter
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Member Since Jan 2013
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Posts: 49
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#12
I feel as though my fight/flight response is completely exaggerated and there is no equilibrium. I am either in full fledged panic mode, or in a blind rage often times.
I've had some success with diverting those feelings by listening to classical music and reading, occupying my mind with something stimulating seems to calm me a bit. |
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Lamplighter
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#13
Oh, yes. All the time.
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Lamplighter
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Junior Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 17
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#14
I have a constant level of resentment flowing. Maybe that's more related to my depression than my avoidance, but at any rate I'm always on the lookout for insult and injury. I very, very rarely fly into a rage — emotions frighten me — but occasionally I will do something passive-aggressive and stupid and hurtful. Then I worry about it endlessly and feel ashamed and depressed and have to go back into hiding.
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Onward2wards
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