[Pughead]

I've been on medications for several years now. I've had a couple instances of very mild hypomania since being on meds. Everything is very well controlled with the medication. Before meds, my behavior during manic episodes was dangerous, but I never did anything that got me into much trouble.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss some aspects of it. I used to have periods of great energy and great accomplishment. It was like I was unstoppable and I could do so much in such a short amount of time. Employers used to be shocked by my performance. Quick promotions were the norm for me.

Now I feel like I'm just "average" for lack of a better word. Sometimes I still get brief periods of heightened intensity I would say, but it never lasts. It's always suppressed by the medication.

Right now I'm back in school part-time, pursuing my third degree. It's going to be a lot of work.

But now I have to figure out how I'm going to stay motivated enough for 5 years or more to get through school again while working full-time and supporting a family of 4. And I have to figure out how to deal this as a person who can't rely on bursts of energy and unstoppable drive. And I have to say, that bums me out a little.

Basically, I need to deal with it like any other person would. It's just hard sometimes. I used to be superman, although dangerous, it was a natural and intense high that could be sustained without drugs.

It's almost like I wish I could indulge in mania as a forbidden pleasure; an illicit drug of sorts. It was like I had special abilities greater than anyone else. Now I don't have that, and I wish I could...even for a few days.

Blah...

[toriiixx]

I'm on several medications to stop my mania but none of them seem to work. I'm sure that I would miss it if my mania was taken away though. I understand where you're coming from. I get a lot more done during my high energy periods. And I also feel surpressed by my meds, I think that's normal.
I wish you the best of luck with finding a way to cope with things =]

[Amazonmom]

Pughead, I am right there with you.

My Zoloft induced hypomania was scaring me, because I was tremendously agitated and anxious. Not pleasant.

My hypomanias always start out with me being so happy and energetic. People notice I am happy but don't think anything of it. I get so much done. I actually have the self confidence to be social. If I could be like that forever I would take it. My husband loves the increased sex drive! It usually fizzles out into normalcy.

I guess I always love hypomania because it means I am at the end of a severe depressive episode. Depression is bad, it has stolen much from me. I feel bad that to treat my depressions I need to give up on ever being happy.

So I need to be the primary wage earner, be a mom, and take care of the house minus the hypomania. Pass the lamictal!!!!!!!!

[kittenkirk]

Originally Posted by Amazonmom

I guess I always love hypomania because it means I am at the end of a severe depressive episode. Depression is bad, it has stolen much from me. I feel bad that to treat my depressions I need to give up on ever being happy.

So I need to be the primary wage earner, be a mom, and take care of the house minus the hypomania. Pass the lamictal!!!!!!!!

I feel the same way....I feel alive after the depression is over. I'm now back to work after 2 full weeks. I pray that I stay positive and don't do too much to burn me out and I crash again and get depressed. I'm fighting so much not to get stressed out. I say no when I see I'm getting overbearden at work. I force myself to stay at my desk when I don't have something to do...instead of asking for more work. I read something upliftening....or check out my PM to see if there's anything positive to read. I PM some ppl in chat and they responded....I told them that a frown was a smile turned upside down...and it made them laugh...and they thanked me. I can't go on chat while at work so I've been posting lately. Chat is more of what I spend my time in PC. ok....I'm positive...and not depressed that's good for me today.

Tomorrow I'm going on a picnic...tonight I danced my little feet off at the Italian fest on Arthur Ave in the Bronx...nite I have to get up early tomorrow it's going to be a long day...after the picnic I have to go to my home group and pick up my 90 days coin. After celebrating 8 years of sobriety and relapsing I finally am going to get my 90 days coin. Well it wasn't a bad drunk...but I lost my sobriety and it kicks my butt.

Too much info...I didn't mean to go on...I wanted to talk about the mania and depression and I got back into my alcoholism. Well...I have a program and it worked before and it will work again....I think I relapsed because I was on so much medication. But I really don't know or care I just want to get better...and not fall back into the depression again. I will fight for my happiness....and I'll live happy joyous and free...

[tracy33]

I totally feel the same way. I was always the best worker at my jobs, getting promoted quickly. I'm on disability now. My meds leave me totally flat. I used to be creative around the house with art and stuff but I have no interest in anything anymore, not even sex. My poor husband.

We just bought another home, a real fixer upper, and I'm dying for some mania to help me get all the work done. I'd be able to paint the entire house in a day! I definately miss my mania and I do things to try to kick it in, like drink energy drinks and take psudoephedrine (found in sinus medicine, I get sinus headaches). Sometimes it works a little. At least it gives me a little energy anyway.

[Berries]

Oh Pughead, i am so right there with you. I miss mania BAD!!!!

But the meds make it go away. I know i am supposed to be happy about it, but i am really not.

If it weren't for my family I'd stop the meds and go wild!!!!!!

Of course after awhile I'd crash and burn and disolve into deep depression.

But i sure love the energy, creativity, and euphoria of it all.

[shooting_star]

Hey,

I am new to this process, my husband has bipolar, and what his doctor suggested to him is when you feel anxious, or upset go and workout, whether it is going for a job, fast pace walk, or treadmill for a little, it will release those chemicals in your body to naturally calm you down. I hope this tip helps. Wish you the best of luck.

[Pughead]

Originally Posted by Berries

If it weren't for my family I'd stop the meds and go wild!!!!!!

Of course after awhile I'd crash and burn and disolve into deep depression.

But i sure love the energy, creativity, and euphoria of it all.

That is exactly it. I don't think I'd be on meds if I didn't have a family. That's why I sought treatment in the first place, because I knew that my behavior put them in danger and was having such a large negative impact on them.

I still long for maybe a week where they could go on vacation and I could flip on a mania (well, hypomania) switch.

But we all know better and it doesn't work that way.

[NoMoreNola]

I most def can understand what your saying and where you are coming from when you say you miss your mania, cause I def do. The difference between you and I is that I never did well when I was manic. Maybe that is because my manic phases where the textbook definition, experiencing every last symptom that one could possible endure.

They've got me on Lithium now, along with a mixture of other drugs, and I just don't feel like myself anymore. Its almost like I have no personality anymore. Actually, it's exactly like that, but I have to just learn to cope with it because I refuse to hurt those I love anymore from my actions in my manic states.

But, the answers yes, I do miss it. Terribly.

[AAAAA]

Absolutely! Until several years ago I only sought help for the depression, when my doctor put 2 and 2 together and dx me with bipolar and discussed treatment options I immediately told him I needed the mania. I didn't have a problem with the mania, just the crash afterwards.

I wish there was a way to have a "controlled" mania. I understand that in my manic stages I thought I could do everything and anything. I was a home improvement junkie while manic. I can see now that this was stressful for my husband.

During my last manic stage I had the livingroom, bathroom, hall and one bedroom torn apart. When I would reach a point in one room that I could not continue without my husband's assistance, I'd start on the next. My husband said "if you rip apart one more room before we finish one, I'm leaving" he was only half kidding. There was always the risk that I'd crash before the project was finished.

The kitchen was my staging area and while cleaning it up one evening I stood there in the middle of the room with all of the furniture and supplies heaped up. I looked around, looked at the clock. Hubby was going to be home from work in less than two hours. I was absolutely certain that I could paint the entire kitchen and diningroom and put everything back before he got home from work. Luckily he knows me well enough that he had removed all sources of money from the house to prevent me from doing just that. What I didn't realize at the time was he would pull into the driveway every evening and sit in his car to pepare himself to face what I had done that day.

I miss it! I used to be able to get up, snow blow the entire driveway, put an entire meal in the slow cooker including bread in the bread maker, throw a load of laundry in the washer and fold the stuff from the dryer, shower and get four kids ready for school and day-care and be at work before 6 am.