One single trigger

seems like that's all it takes and the whole day goes to hell. I'm hyperventilating. If you think I've been better, I haven't. I HATE THIS PLACE. Do you know what's just dandy? wishing for a closet to live in so I can get away from here. I just want to go. I want to leave. My whole life. I just want to float off. Does anyone feel like the body you're living in isn't yours?
I don't know what this means.
Oh, and not taking your medicine? Matters. But what does it matter? That just proves these pills own me.
I'll never be good enough.
No matter how baseline I get, I'll never be better.
One day all of this pain will stop.
Trying to calm down. I have make up all over my face. I'm embarrassed. I think the worst part is being embarrassed about how you feel.
I'm fine. Of course I am.

Good Moring,
Just want to share a bit of my experience which I think is simiular to what your feeling.

I used to think medication mean't I was a crazy person.
I was totally embarrsed, and people that knew treated me that way

But today I know the without the medication (I've been on for years) that I will forever be on - Is what is keeping my Brain in order.

I thought one time I was doing great so I took myself off.

Oh was that the wrong thing to do.... My life went into a haywire.

I have to change the med.s now and then, as the chemistry changes - But for me life without the necessary medication that my brain is not producing - I wouldn't be here.

Your pills don't own you. I went 29 years without meds, and one year with. They're still not perfect, but my choice was either: no meds and feel miserable and out of control or take meds and at least be functional, if not eventually in a good place.

Say a "normal" person has chemistry levels of 50 in A, B, & C. Well, maybe your A is 23, your B is 67 and your C is 50. What's wrong with taking meds that level off A & B? Same goes for someone with diabetes. Why shouldn't they want their blood sugar and insulin levels to be normal? That doesn't make you a slave to anything. Everyone has some kind of a problem, ours is just with brain chemistry. Some people have arthritis or neck pain or problems with their teeth, etc. They go to a doctor to relieve the symptoms. No big deal.

And we all have days where we want to run away, pull the covers up over our head and pretend like we're not really here, don't exist, and so on. It seems like it will always be this way when we're in the depths of depression, but it won't be. You know that from experience on your good days.

You can do this.

PS, I frequently dissociate from my body. This is fairly common with people who were abused as children or even adults. It's a way to try to escape the pain.

I don't have any sort of dissociative diagnosis on me. Maybe I should? I think I need some sort of Antipsychotic to add to my Lithium, Lamictal, Remeron, Celexa, Birth Control, and Klonopin. I don't have one. I have to talk to my doctor when I next see him in about a month. I really appreciate you, thinker.

Wow, I only have my 3 meds + birth control. I wonder why the p-nurse won't add anything else when these clearly aren't doing it for me. She and my therapist think just because I'm "functional" meaning I can go to work 1 day a week and perform my duties, occasionally go to the grocery store, shower, and eat, then I must be okay.

As for antipsychotics, Seroquel has worked for me, but only to get rid of the scary things than intensify before bedtime and in order to get to sleep.

I took 3 last night (i'm allowed to take 2-3 25mg for sleep before bed) to make sure I'd be out. Today's the day the dog has to be put to sleep. She was such a beautiful, loving, sweet dog. A therapy dog in fact. Went every Friday to the old folks home and just sit with people and comfort them. So full of life and energy. I swear she was smiling half the time. More full of life than I've ever been. I think I need to go back to sleep. I'm too sad. Thanks for everything you've said. You encourage me more than you know.

You know, they have psychiatry therapy dogs! I just put my dog to sleep too :\ They gave me a pin of a little dog angel and sent a sympathy card. It was really awful. I know what you're going through with the medicine. Everything will be okay! I know you can do it--it's getting there that's the hardest part.

Sorry about your dog. They are the best of friends. Just a little shaggier and waggie tailed.

<3 Don't forget all the good times you had.

yup. today's the first day without her. i'll be at her house and she'll not be around to play. but i do have a lot of good memories and pics of her.

I wonder why they won't try upping the Seroquel Thinker? I'm no doc so I dunno.

I am so sorry about your dog...our pets love us unconditionally.

Downing the Seroquel actually seems to be helping more. It's kinda sedating. Anxiety would be an improvement to feeling like a blob.