[ledz]

Over the 8 months I've known and come to love my girlfriend .I have observed and been subject to both the manic and depressed sides of what I believe is bipolar behavior. Her mother shows signs of the same behavior and stories from the past validate this same behavior pattern in my girlfriend. She ha not been diagnosed. She is aware that she has these mood swings and out bursts and hates herself for the damaging affects but has not asked for help.
I am distraught . She had a manic occurance one week ago .today Sunday morning and the world turned upside down in an instant. The resulting outburst had me grabbing my things and leaving to the screams of "I hate you" and "I never want to see you again.".
What triggered her outrage is was seemingly benign as she was groggy from waking up and I was busy around the house doing chores. I asked too many questions about where this or that could be found to do my work (her place). and she became increasingly aggitated,then beligerant, started to throw thins and actually assaulted me physically.( no external harm done). After one of the best and romantic nights we ever had, she now will not see me and talking to me gets her upset.
She has been my world. We have been inseperable working through other episodes. I now am at a loss of someone so dear and I don't know what to say or do .I'm only making things worse by her reactions.
I have not mentioned my suspicions of her condition as it is not until just now I am as sure as I can be about this.
Could anyone please tell me what tact I should take in relating to her as I must preserve our relationship,(if at all possible), and how can I or anyone bring her to treatment and further recognition for the ultimate wish of mine for her....healing treatment and happiness.

[Nikki_busymind]

Originally Posted by ledz

Over the 8 months I've known and come to love my girlfriend .I have observed and been subject to both the manic and depressed sides of what I believe is bipolar behavior. Her mother shows signs of the same behavior and stories from the past validate this same behavior pattern in my girlfriend. She ha not been diagnosed. She is aware that she has these mood swings and out bursts and hates herself for the damaging affects but has not asked for help.
I am distraught . She had a manic occurance one week ago .today Sunday morning and the world turned upside down in an instant. The resulting outburst had me grabbing my things and leaving to the screams of "I hate you" and "I never want to see you again.".
What triggered her outrage is was seemingly benign as she was groggy from waking up and I was busy around the house doing chores. I asked too many questions about where this or that could be found to do my work (her place). and she became increasingly aggitated,then beligerant, started to throw thins and actually assaulted me physically.( no external harm done). After one of the best and romantic nights we ever had, she now will not see me and talking to me gets her upset.
She has been my world. We have been inseperable working through other episodes. I now am at a loss of someone so dear and I don't know what to say or do .I'm only making things worse by her reactions.
I have not mentioned my suspicions of her condition as it is not until just now I am as sure as I can be about this.
Could anyone please tell me what tact I should take in relating to her as I must preserve our relationship,(if at all possible), and how can I or anyone bring her to treatment and further recognition for the ultimate wish of mine for her....healing treatment and happiness.

Its extremely admirable that you want to give her such support. She is very lucky to have someone like you in her life. However, you can't keep banging your head against a brick wall like this. When I was single, I didn't see a problem with my BPII. It enabled me to work harder, be more successful and take 'risks.' I travelled the world, met some great people. When I got married, expectations changed and I pushed against it. I found it hard to control my moods within the natural boundaries of marriage. It was a struggle - often him telling me to seek help, but as far as I was concerned, there was nothing wrong with me and I resented him for suggesting there was. At the same time, I was plagued with guilt for my treatment of him and I hated myself for not having any control. When we later had children, I found it even harder to cope. Sure, those nights when I couldn't sleep were great! I could take care of a sick child, clean the house, go for a run and not look look tired! There were 'dark' days too, but no one outside of the house would know. Just my husband, who would struggle to coax me out of bed. My children as they grew older would ask why Mummy was in bed all day, they got used to Mummy being 'sick' And then Mummy being angry and Mummy going out all night. The responsibilities I wasn't taking seriously started to creep up on me. After one particularly bad low, I sought help, not for myself, but for my family. The diagnosis was made and a treatment plan has been put in place. For the first time in months, I have really been 'myself' more relaxed, more focused and my relationship has improved greatly. Learning about the illness resulted in initial denial, but its been a relief to know that I'm not nuts! Its a comfort to know I'm not alone in my moods. I did take medications, but with professional consent, decided I didn't want them, now I manage myself. However, I have BPII, in your girlfriends case, she clearly has BP, which can be hereditary. Like a diabetic, she needs treatment, or else she stands a very real chance of hurting herself or/and ruining any chance she has at a normal life. I don't know her, so I can imagine how best to broach the subject, but I think its best if you research as much as you can. Learn how best to respond to her and if necessary speak to a Dr to get advice. Then carefully broach the subject (when she's in a completely normal mood), explain what you've read and reassure her that you'll love her regardless. If she knows she has your unconditional support, she can take some time to mull over the information. Get her some books to read, perhaps, 'An Anquiet Mind - Dr Kay Jamison.' And some other autobiography 'A Brilliant Madness' have a look at amazon.com for some ideas. You need to take control of this initially, because she won't be able to. She'll have questions, which you can encourage her to find answers through a medical professional. Go to her appointments (if she wants!) and help her through this. Its quite a journey. I'm sure that in the long run, she'll appreciate having a diagnosis and knowing that she can manage this quite easily. I'm sure she's terrified of losing you, and if this carries on, she will lose you. But be strong and get her the help she needs.
All the best

Originally Posted by ledz

I have not mentioned my suspicions of her condition as it is not until just now I am as sure as I can be about this.
Could anyone please tell me what tact I should take in relating to her as I must preserve our relationship,(if at all possible), and how can I or anyone bring her to treatment and further recognition for the ultimate wish of mine for her....healing treatment and happiness.

I'm sorry but being blunt. She needs medication.
You do not need to be abused because she is having a heavy, angry mood swing. You can tell her I refuse to be abused, cuz that's what you feel like. Like you take it out on me yet you don't realize it.

If mother isn't getting help. Then daughter doesn't know about going into the direction to get on medication.

DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE ABUSED.

I am a big time bipolar - I have done, acted, spoken many many in-appropiate behaviors. I can be and am agressive, angry, irriatable, zombie state, just off the wall.... and manic which is crazy hyper

I finally got on medication - I thought medication mean't I was crazy, I cried. The doctor said "no it just means your brain is making chemicals it needs to work correctly"

I've had to try many different medications, cuz they work differently then others.

I know you love her very much..... You might want to let her read this.
She can hate me - Cuz I'm not there. Just hope she doesn't take it out on you.

good luck

[spiritual_emergency]

Hello ledz,
I first read your post not long after you'd posted it but I wanted to think about some of the things you'd said before I attempted a response. I don't know if you're still reading and I'm feeling a need to take a slightly different tack, nonetheless, here goes...

I am distraught . She had a manic occurance one week ago .today Sunday morning and the world turned upside down in an instant. The resulting outburst had me grabbing my things and leaving to the screams of "I hate you" and "I never want to see you again."... After one of the best and romantic nights we ever had, she now will not see me and talking to me gets her upset.

Obviously, you are far more aware of the history than I could be after reading just one post of yours and there is likely far more to the bigger picture than I could hope to see from my vantage point. Still, I wanted to note that what you describe above is not necessarily indicative of bipolar disorder even though there is evidence of a huge shift in polarities (she loves you/she hates you).

I should note that I'm new to the issue of sorting out what mania is so it's possible that's affecting my own perception. Based on the small snippet of your life together that you provided I don't feel confident saying, "That matches my perception of what I understand manic behavior to be." Just to be sure we're on the same page, I thought I'd share the following article excerpt which helped me to define and better understand what manic behavior looks like... (If I've sourced an inadequate quote I trust others will let me know.)

Mania: During a manic episode, people experience a high, irritable, angry, or aggressive mood for at least one week. In addition, they will experience 3 or more of the following:

• needing little sleep
• increased, loud, or quick talking
• having racing thoughts (thoughts that won't quiet)
• being much more active than usual
• having an inflated feeling of power, greatness, or importance
• doing reckless things without concern about possible consequences (e.g., spending too much money, engaging in inappropriate sexual activity, or making risky business investments)
• psychotic symptoms such as delusions (firmly believing things that are not true) or hallucinations (hearing, feeling, or seeing things that are not there).

Hypomania is a milder form of mania that has similar but less severe symptoms and has less negative impact on a person's daily activities. During a hypomanic episode, the person may have an elevated mood and be more productive. Because these episodes often feel good, the quest for hypomania may even cause some people with bipolar disorder to stop taking their medications. However, a hypomanic episode does not usually last for long and gradually shifts into either mania or depression. Therefore, it is important for hypomania to be treated.

More information here: Bipolar Disorder

The above may be indicative of exactly what you have been seeing and experiencing with your girlfriend over the past several months. Or maybe not. You would certainly know better than I.

Part of the difficulty in making an accurate assessment is that depression + mania does not always = bipolar disorder. As but one example, I have a child who may have bipolar disorder because they have experienced both depression and mania, however the manic episodes seem to be closely related to recreational drug use and the depression may be related to a combination of life circumstances and choices they have made while under the influence of recreational drugs. Just because it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck doesn't always mean it's a duck.

In your girlfriend's case, her outburst the other morning could have been related to any number of causes. No matter, it is apparent that her behavior is impacting your relationship together and that is a problem.

The resulting outburst had me grabbing my things and leaving to the screams of "I hate you" and "I never want to see you again.".

I see this as a very positive move on your part, distressing as it may have been at the time. By leaving, you were sending a very clear message that you will not tolerate that kind of treatment. It could be that your girlfriend responded in that manner due to bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, unresolved trauma, drug use/abuse, fears of intimacy, or even because she learned that very behavior from her mother (who may or may not be bipolar). By walking out at that point you set a standard for your relationship that she will have to measure up to and no matter the cause, your willingness to insist on being treated decently may help both her and your relationship.

What I would suggest at this point -- take it or leave it as you see fit -- is that you focus first on your relationship. That might include learning skills such as how to fight fair or resolve conflicts. In the process, it may be discovered or realized that she brings one of the above to the table and she needs to tend to those details of her personal history and make-up. You might also discover that you contribute something unique to any problems that might spring up between you as well. You might find it helpful to seek out couples counseling in this regard. It might be helpful to seek out a therapist who also has some awareness of mood disorders so if that becomes confirmed, you'll already both be working with someone who can continue to serve as a form of professional support.

I would also suggest you continue to learn what you can about bipolar disorder, paying special attention to those who are actually in your shoes (i.e., either someone who does have that diagnosis or someone who is a partner to them). People that are closest to those in crisis can often be quite astute in their perceptions so it wouldn't hurt to familiarize yourself with the bipolar portrait but it's also good to remain open to other possibilities because it could be something else that's going on. No matter what that might be, her path will surely be made less difficult by the support and understanding of people who love her. In that vein, I can only offer my kudos that you do and that you're willing to do your best to stick it out with her.

~ Namaste

.

Originally Posted by starlite*111

I'm sorry but being blunt. She needs medication.
You do not need to be abused because she is having a heavy, angry mood swing. You can tell her I refuse to be abused, cuz that's what you feel like. Like you take it out on me yet you don't realize it.

If mother isn't getting help. Then daughter doesn't know about going into the direction to get on medication.

DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE ABUSED.

I am a big time bipolar - I have done, acted, spoken many many in-appropiate behaviors. I can be and am agressive, angry, irriatable, zombie state, just off the wall.... and manic which is crazy hyper

I finally got on medication - I thought medication mean't I was crazy, I cried. The doctor said "no it just means your brain is making chemicals it needs to work correctly"

I've had to try many different medications, cuz they work differently then others.

I know you love her very much..... You might want to let her read this.
She can hate me - Cuz I'm not there. Just hope she doesn't take it out on you.

good luck

I'm sorry if I was out of order. What ever popped in my brain at the time is what I write. I should take more time to think - I did'nt mean to come off so stern like. Sincerely Starlite

[ledz]

Originally Posted by starlite*111

I'm sorry if I was out of order. What ever popped in my brain at the time is what I write. I should take more time to think - I did'nt mean to come off so stern like. Sincerely Starlite

Starlite.....When I met my girl I saw her beauty. I saw her for the "good heart" she had. I perceived that this was a woman who wanted people to recognize those good qualities some what desperately because she had been fighting her self image and the seeming tarnish of her "craziness" forever.
Her dream of someone to love "her" was my open door. As a man with a certain gift, I just knew instantly the value her true heart. My dream girl could not be denied.not by me. I actually love her more for some of the quirkiness. That is her. This is her personality.
I am a hopeless romantic, in case you couldn't tell. So I fell...right into the path of some real heartache. I don't think that those "sick butterflies have ever left as she has now many times treated me like roadkill. I took another "hit" this morning and am bewildered as to how I can accept this kind of treatment. What I hold fast to is a greater faith in her.
I have told myself "she doesn't mean it" as she bluntly insults me with words of a stranger who couldn't care less.I know the truth as I have to believe that the times when we are very close that look in her eyes could never be mistaken to be anything other than the real need of my love.
You Starlight are equally genuine in you opinions and insights and there is no reason to apologize. I think you were moved by the story and threw your heart into it. No one should mistake your intentions for anything other than a treasured thing. Blurt away! I'll start a fan club for you . Be brave ,it will make you strong.
PS: I will tell more of today's incident and other details if anyone wishes...I can't sleep this morning so....

[ledz]

Originally Posted by spiritual_emergency

Hello ledz,
I first read your post not long after you'd posted it but I wanted to think about some of the things you'd said before I attempted a response. I don't know if you're still reading and I'm feeling a need to take a slightly different tack, nonetheless, here goes...

I am distraught . She had a manic occurance one week ago .today Sunday morning and the world turned upside down in an instant. The resulting outburst had me grabbing my things and leaving to the screams of "I hate you" and "I never want to see you again."... After one of the best and romantic nights we ever had, she now will not see me and talking to me gets her upset.

Obviously, you are far more aware of the history than I could be after reading just one post of yours and there is likely far more to the bigger picture than I could hope to see from my vantage point. Still, I wanted to note that what you describe above is not necessarily indicative of bipolar disorder even though there is evidence of a huge shift in polarities (she loves you/she hates you).

I should note that I'm new to the issue of sorting out what mania is so it's possible that's affecting my own perception. Based on the small snippet of your life together that you provided I don't feel confident saying, "That matches my perception of what I understand manic behavior to be." Just to be sure we're on the same page, I thought I'd share the following article excerpt which helped me to define and better understand what manic behavior looks like... (If I've sourced an inadequate quote I trust others will let me know.)

The above may be indicative of exactly what you have been seeing and experiencing with your girlfriend over the past several months. Or maybe not. You would certainly know better than I.

Part of the difficulty in making an accurate assessment is that depression + mania does not always = bipolar disorder. As but one example, I have a child who may have bipolar disorder because they have experienced both depression and mania, however the manic episodes seem to be closely related to recreational drug use and the depression may be related to a combination of life circumstances and choices they have made while under the influence of recreational drugs. Just because it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck doesn't always mean it's a duck.

In your girlfriend's case, her outburst the other morning could have been related to any number of causes. No matter, it is apparent that her behavior is impacting your relationship together and that is a problem.

The resulting outburst had me grabbing my things and leaving to the screams of "I hate you" and "I never want to see you again.".

I see this as a very positive move on your part, distressing as it may have been at the time. By leaving, you were sending a very clear message that you will not tolerate that kind of treatment. It could be that your girlfriend responded in that manner due to bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, unresolved trauma, drug use/abuse, fears of intimacy, or even because she learned that very behavior from her mother (who may or may not be bipolar). By walking out at that point you set a standard for your relationship that she will have to measure up to and no matter the cause, your willingness to insist on being treated decently may help both her and your relationship.

What I would suggest at this point -- take it or leave it as you see fit -- is that you focus first on your relationship. That might include learning skills such as how to fight fair or resolve conflicts. In the process, it may be discovered or realized that she brings one of the above to the table and she needs to tend to those details of her personal history and make-up. You might also discover that you contribute something unique to any problems that might spring up between you as well. You might find it helpful to seek out couples counseling in this regard. It might be helpful to seek out a therapist who also has some awareness of mood disorders so if that becomes confirmed, you'll already both be working with someone who can continue to serve as a form of professional support.

I would also suggest you continue to learn what you can about bipolar disorder, paying special attention to those who are actually in your shoes (i.e., either someone who does have that diagnosis or someone who is a partner to them). People that are closest to those in crisis can often be quite astute in their perceptions so it wouldn't hurt to familiarize yourself with the bipolar portrait but it's also good to remain open to other possibilities because it could be something else that's going on. No matter what that might be, her path will surely be made less difficult by the support and understanding of people who love her. In that vein, I can only offer my kudos that you do and that you're willing to do your best to stick it out with her.

~ Namaste

.

Just what I asked for...Thank you Namaste. There is much info to digest. I will promise you one thing..I will keep an open mind. I am not so eager to assign any name tag only a smile on her face....Leadz

[agucord]

just dont push it. u both will be fine if u really love each other. keep talking to her like nothing never happen she'll eventually will return back to normal to the relationship. next time, take it easy on her. dont drag her ito so many question if u dont know what her moods are. things are more easy if they are not explained so complicated. use a plain language to bring things to her attention. as far she getting proffecional help, just wait for the right moment and talk to her about it. do it in a very normal conversation and never disreguard the possibility of u also getting help.

[ledz]

The advise " not to push it" sounded good . I was sure i could cool it and be patient, but the coldness and distancing compelled me to involve myself more .How could I not worry when She has changed so much. I have been replaced as companion , by an old" friend" who is helping with everything. 24/7 .
Update:A severe defensive attitude has my girlfriend her making accusations of me she is creating this image principally that I am stalking her. She is blocking her cell #, calls me when she feels like it,she will not tell me where she is , will not answer any probing questions, will not see me or give me any time. I have had to go to her house as the only possible way to know she is Ok. She has forbid me to just "show up" or wait out side. She is frightened now by me and has told of my harrassing and stalking. Her new companion certainly believes her and is now "protecting" her from me. He has been hiding her..she says she can not go home because I might be there ..waiting. How ironic that who I am is honestly explained in my psych .profile...I am an.." I.N.F.J."; "The Protector". I am this for her or anyone and by association with my girl , all of her close people now believe her fears to be valid. Her acting out draws sympathy and now anger towards me and nothing I can do changes their opinions. A call promising to talk later came tues. morn.I asked to please let me see her to know she is ok. Her buddy keeps her from contacting me further ..I am really wondering about his intentions. WTF is going on? I had to dive to her place 40 miles and wait. She finally drive up in his car. She called and we talked mostly in defense by her of what she see's erroneously as intentional stalking and pressure that I won't stop. I can only repeat my honorable intentions. She becomes so upset to find me waiting that she threatens a restraining order hangs up a speeds awayas if to get away ,from me. Her close friend calls yelling and screaming at me. again she threatens with the police and others if I don't leave and stop blocking the entry to he home. I was accused of keeping her out of her house and being hostile to her and her friend. i have not acted out. I have been the one with her very best interest at heart and my manners reflect my love and dedication to her. Especially now. I fear that these friends will only prevent recognition and treatment for her and this will be disastrous as she is unraveling. So i could not back off and now I am off and out by consensus.
No pressure from me is a good thing,right?
This must be the" Twilight Zone" version of reality. The feeling that this new friend is protecting her from ME is pure heartbreak for me . I will be looking at counseling to find the strength to go on. But I won't give up protecting. I've got to find the answers for her.
We are not married . What right do I have to bring her condition to the attention of anybody? And how should I do it? Help!

[ledz]

CA. Hi, after this latest round of unreasonable action I have become the focus now ,a dangerous stalker for sure ,all a ruse to get rid of me.I still have no explanations of how she was influenced to turn away from me and why she has been so determined to avoid me. My stalkings are consistent with attempted calls to her cell, .text messages, notes left on the front door. As far as my presence on the property, a gated condo complex, as one who has all keys and could come and go as I wished I was plainly waiting for her to come home so I could see that she was all right and find out her intent on many issues Up til this point I lived here when I was in San Ramon. We had been inseparable for about 6 months with no serious issues.(other than her bipolar symptoms) About a month ago she became irritable with our casual lifestyles and how negligent she had become in re: to her foreclosure and the usual stack of bills. There was a lot to do. The first thing she did which didn't make sense was to block her cell# and would not say where she was, firmly refusing to see me for any reason .She would not answer any pointed question from me and would tell me she "will call later". Her behavior towards me started to crush me.
Her restlessness opened me up for target review and the backlash .I had been back in Burlingame for about a week during which time she said she was getting "friends" to help do the new schedule of work. This old friend became a permanent helper, replacing me and all involvement at her home. So then came the first question about her behavior from me What are you doing? What about me? Every following but very important question was ignored.then she got a new phone and blocked the #. Answers don't come so more notes are generated. She and him are no where to be found. The impact of the role her friend started to play became more and more aware to me just last night as a large bell went off along with the questions implicating him to be having too much influence over her decisions as he is babysitting her depression 24/7. He now is in the position of savior and counselor to a vulnerable and insecure woman and had gone way to far in his decision to become so involved at all. She was in a relationship when he offered his help and somehow justified and agreed that I was a bad influence whom must be removed. He even had his cell turned off. What was I to think of their secretive moves and the negative press that was spreading about me.
I do believe that she was in a manic state and caught up in the "change" and the new direction with him. How unfortunate. I want to approach this guy with legal documents to end his involvement if i can and if she will wake up and agree. Our life together can not be discarded by me so easily. Any help out there on this one??

[rkba97]

Totally random but does your screen name have anything to do with Led Zeppelin? Because I have a bit of an obsession.

Back to the subject at hand.. my boyfriend is in the same boat that you are. He definitely gets frustrated with my mood swings and most of the time feels like he needs to word things verrryyyy carefully, as I am liable to explode into an angry, defensive, insulting rant. Believe me I am doing everything possible to learn how to react in a more productive way.

I said it before, and I'll say it again... I think that anybody who can spend their life with a bipolar person is a saint. Of course you can't control who you fall in love with, but the desire to stick around means you go through everything that your SO goes through.

Anyway not really advice, just to let you know that life can be great, even with BPD. Good luck

RK

[ledz]

CA. As of my last post,7-30-09,my girlfriend was keeping at bay ,shutting me out of all contact and being "protected"from me by a friend. She had been changed dramatically (I believe) by an episode(event)some 5 weeks ago and found herself questioning the direction of her life and had to make some changes . I was suddenly part of the fallout as she pushed away to separate from what she saw as a bad influence(so I thought,she hadn't really said (until two nights ago) when for the first time in three weeks I saw her face two face at her home. She had called me for help with her car. When I arrived she became agitated at anything I said. I had too much to ask , but the important quest. was always..why? can you tell me now what have I done to deserve complete denial as a person . The answer "you know well enough, you think I'm crazy". "I've heard what you say about me". You just want to "fix" me because you think there is something wrong with me".
This whole time separated she had convinced herself that I had some kind of distorted intent with her like using a crazy person for just for the sex, and not really caring about her welfare as a person. Her friends helped put the negative spin on what I was trying to do. You know, like "You're no psychologist or doctor ,you're not God", etc. I never got to ask her what it was I was trying to do to harm her.
The whole time we're apart she has shut me out of contact and is building animosity which she seems eager to show at any time. Meanwhile I have been writing her letters and notes every day leaving them privately on face book and yahoo, as well as scouting for her hoping she is safe, but not finding.
This behavior of her's is really in question: She knows of the posted letters and what they represent, and like her "can't call me" policy, she does not read my mail and has not responded to one sentence which has been poured out to her in appeal..
I'm going to get my things next week(with PD standby).That may be all.
But I am dedicated to seeing that she take the next step and seek treatment. I am willing to go far to do it. I have informed her family of this intent as I have spoken to her sister that they must support the effort. Now is the time.
There is also this, which may be a tool to use...Assault. She has assaulted me 4 times
the last was three nights ago at her place. This the worst and witnessed. The question: is there any sense to charge her with the assault ? Is there any leverage here?
Thanks every one for your kindness and help to date . Any further comments?
This is a case of miss perception ,miss understanding and mistakes. I'd sure like to convince her to look again and to get that help!

[ledz]

Originally Posted by rkba97

Totally random but does your screen name have anything to do with Led Zeppelin? Because I have a bit of an obsession.

Back to the subject at hand.. my boyfriend is in the same boat that you are. He definitely gets frustrated with my mood swings and most of the time feels like he needs to word things verrryyyy carefully, as I am liable to explode into an angry, defensive, insulting rant. Believe me I am doing everything possible to learn how to react in a more productive way.

I said it before, and I'll say it again... I think that anybody who can spend their life with a bipolar person is a saint. Of course you can't control who you fall in love with, but the desire to stick around means you go through everything that your SO goes through.

Anyway not really advice, just to let you know that life can be great, even with BPD. Good luck

RK

Sorry for taking so long to respond. It's not that I am inconsiderate or disrespectful, it's that i am self-absorbed. Your obsession with Led Zeppelin probably doesn't come close to how screwed up I have become over this woman,and now the loss of her(insert mega sighs here). But I've peeked out from the dumps long enough to see my tardiness with you needing attention( anybody into LZ is good with me) so....
My best friend nick named me Led when we were like 19or twenty . We were the audio nuts in our crowd and had the killer stereo. Would you believe 8 track? Yep! WE had this place up at the river on a country hill called the "Quicksilver Mines". It was hot rods and sleeping bags up in the tall grass. Full moon ,getting high...wow! Then Fred and I would open up the tail gate of his '56 chevy panel wagon and set out the two 20 inch JBL's. The main course was ..you guessed it...Led Zeppelin..I think there were only the first and second albums at the time . Nobody was complaining. I'll never forget any of it!
Any how to finish..my last name starts with a "Z", I'm a drummer. My fave and who I learned to drum to at first was(is), Ginger Baker. John B came later but his glory has not faded...and certainly not Led Zeppelin who will go down as the greatest rock band ever. On a much more sour note: my girl dumped me flat. I mean stone cold no contact tortuously
kept in silence and in hiding from me ..flat out bye bye, thanks for nothing,I don't have to tell you **** why or why not love or not leaving me in depression of all time so what, what am I supposed to do now not my problem.. ask me what happened? I mentioned that I believe she is Bipolar and would she consider looking into it. There was no problem with my asking at that time. In subsequent days it grew a life of it's own through talking with friends
The spin was that I had been calling her crazy, saying she has problems and is losing it,etc. She took all of this as an insult and abusive disrespect and decided I had made a fatal error deserving of termination. But she never told ME! She stone walled me...that is all I got. WTF is going on ?No answer. No reply .No reasonable explanation and No Mercy. I have not come close to getting over her. Not this way I keep saying,etc. etc. etc.

[thinker22]

No offense to anyone who has BPD, but I think she sounds more like borderline personality disorder than bipolar. There are overlaps in the symptoms and behaviors, but one of the key differences is that mood swings happen in minutes or during the same day, not after weeks or months, and they go from idealizing people they love to demonizing them over something that's usually just in their head and never happened according to objective reality. It can also be a minor slight that sets them into a mode of adding up everything else that's gone wrong in the relationship or their life.

Admittedly, rapid cycling is another form of bipolar, but the irrational cutting you out of her life when you love and care about her with no real reason reminds me of another BPD person I know of. She could have both disorders. I would look into the borderline pd on this site and see if that makes more sense. If so, she will need therapy to rework her thoughts about people and the way she interacts with them. But it will be a long road, and that's if she decides she does want help...which she doesn't seem to right now. I have a brother and a father with a personality disorder...they're very difficult to undo or redirect after a certain age. It represents some reaction to early childhood relationships with others and is a method of self-protection from the unsafe environment they experienced. Sounds cliche, but "I'll hurt you before you can hurt me. Or I'll leave you before you can leave me," is probably her unspoken mantra.

(Here comes another cliche...don't take it personally...she seems like she's probably a lovely person, but suffering greatly by her skewed/overly self-protective worldview). It wasn't your fault.

[Berries]

I agree with Thinker. It sounds to me more like borderline personality disorder than bipolar.

I also see some co-dependence here.

I really think it is time to move on. I know it's hard but all you are getting in this situation is heart ache.

You sound like a really nice guy who deserves a really nice gal. Not to say that mentally ill people can't be nice. They CAN. Just maybe not this particular mentally ill gal. And who knows maybe someday she will get proper help and become worthy of a guy like you. But it is NOT your responsiblity to get her to that point--no matter how much you love her.

I speak from experience. I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years with a borderline personality gal. It was brutal and damaging to me in ways that have taken me years trying to get over. I have just recently been able to forgive her and in doing so stop letting her hurt me and am now starting to move on to better things. All with the help of the people here on psyche central and my therapist.

You deserve better. Much, much better. I hope you realize this soon and move on to a better, happier and more fufilled life.

[VickiesPath]

LedZ: "My best friend nick named me Led when we were like 19or twenty . We were the audio nuts in our crowd and had the killer stereo. Would you believe 8 track?"

--------> Remember in the movie Armageddon when the guys were bargaining for things they wanted from the gov before they would agree to go up in space and put a neuclear bomb in the asteroid? One of them wanted the gov to bring back 8 tracks! ROFLMAO



OK, proceed.

[Edahn]

Sounds like she needs to start taking responsibility for her behavior, which is something you can suggest, but can't force. Nor is it your duty to.

Other than that, I would say to watch out for the drama. From what I read in the opening post, the relationship, in some form, makes you miserable until she comes out of her rage and makes everything better. Perhaps you see her as an antidote to the pain and strife. This, in my opinion, creates a dependence on her and starts to look like addiction. Your thinking about her when she's gone could then be viewed as a form of withdrawal. (Let me say right now that I've experience ALL of this and am by no means judging you or condescending at all.)

Because the pain and strife are ultimately being caused by her, the more you seek her out as a solution to the pain you feel, the more you feel the pain of being with her. So you end up in a cycle, seeking her out as both a remedy and malady. The foundation for a strong addiction has been laid out.

I think it's easy to confuse the longing you feel for someone with true love, especially given how the media likes to portray love as something intense and painful. I am not saying that you don't love her. I think you probably do. But I also think it's easy to confuse the feeling of longing with the feeling of love. In my own experience, love is actually a lot simpler and a LOT, LOT less intense. It's simple caring, friendship, and at the core, safety. If you can tease these two apart, I think you'll have better clarity about what to do to restore this situation to something peaceful, even if that means moving on.

[VickiesPath]

WEEEE-DOGGIES! You're pretty dang smart, Edahn.

Ledz: Please read what Edan wrote above and really take it in. It's right on target and very wise.


(IMHO)

[ledz]

Originally Posted by Berries

I agree with Thinker. It sounds to me more like borderline personality disorder than bipolar.

I also see some co-dependence here.

I really think it is time to move on. I know it's hard but all you are getting in this situation is heart ache.

You sound like a really nice guy who deserves a really nice gal. Not to say that mentally ill people can't be nice. They CAN. Just maybe not this particular mentally ill gal. And who knows maybe someday she will get proper help and become worthy of a guy like you. But it is NOT your responsiblity to get her to that point--no matter how much you love her.

I speak from experience. I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years with a borderline personality gal. It was brutal and damaging to me in ways that have taken me years trying to get over. I have just recently been able to forgive her and in doing so stop letting her hurt me and am now starting to move on to better things. All with the help of the people here on psyche central and my therapist.

You deserve better. Much, much better. I hope you realize this soon and move on to a better, happier and more fufilled life.

At this point much is obvious especially her intent to shut me out. Unfortunately this means unfinished business like retrieving personal property. She will not deal with me on any issue even though she has agreed to : example: we have had two scheduled meets at her place so I could access my stuff,this meant a long drive with rental and calling the local PD for stand by, each time all was in place and she then decides she's not ready for me to come into the house( to search for my stuff, no trust is a big issue here) she won't allow me to be part of her consciousness . She is blocking me . Period. This is what is hanging me up now. I am a little too upset with her disrespect to just walk away
and let her have a clean sweep of me, so irresponsibly. There also remains legal issues(assaults by her) Crazy really applies to this whole scenario. What a mess.
I do believe that your advise is right on target and is to be my goal. Thank you