[BNLsMOM]

But I am the one who brought them into my life, well except my parents, of course. I didn't choose them. But I chose to live near them and make them part of my support system.

My husband triggers me
My mother triggers me
My kids trigger me
My father used ot trigger me, but now he speaks pretty much only through my mother.

I dream of a little beach house somewhere where I can be alone. It is warm and sunny all the time and I can spend the whole day on the beach or kayaking on the water. I have the choice to bring people into my life or to keep them away without the fear of them bein insulted because they "are only trying to help."

I like my dog and I like my cat.

Can anyone help me figure out what mood this is? It doesn't feel good, but I have already gone out for a run today and will go kayaking later after I go food shopping with 50% of the people who trigger me. I am using my own boat, though so I can be "alone."

[thinker22]

I think it's probably true for most of us. People who are around you the most often or calling you the most often can get on your nerves. I know my mom drives me into depression sometimes by telling me what's going on with her and the other members of my family. My mate can say or do the slightest thing when I'm already irritable and I explode at him. And he says, "Fine, I'll never say anything again." And I tell him that was an overreaction to my overreaction. And he's still huffing and I apologize and he says he'll leave me alone until I'm out of "this mood." So, I don't want to have an outburst at him, and yes I value my alone time, and don't feel like I get enough of it any more, but facts are we'll always have people in our lives, but who they are can fluctuate with time. You lose some friends, make others. Children grow up, couples drift apart, etc. You know all this. We could (if we really wanted to) be hermits in the mountains, or whatever, but for most of us it's impractical. We need a group of friends and we still need to buy food and socialize every once in a while. (I still figure I will be alone one day on a deserted Greek Island and freak out the daytrippers for my own amusement by making them think it's haunted. )

So, it's okay to get snippy every once in a while. Our family and friends do it to us on occasion too. If they love you; they will understand, especially if you're adjusting to new meds. You'll still feel bad about it and apologize and think things like "they'd be better off without me," but if that were true, they'd all have abandoned you by now. They need you as much as you need them.

And maybe you do need to take a vacation by yourself for a couple days or a week. Think about it. I find my alone time very restorative.

[BNLsMOM]

Thank you. Now I think our kayaking plans are ruined because my inlaws decided that they had to make us come over (they couldn't stop at our house) because they have a gift for our dog. My husband was arguing with thenm right in the grocery store about it and we ended up going over there with our ice cream melting in the back of the car and being polite while they talked for a while and then gave us the dog's present and then asked my husband to change a light bulb in the yard to which he said no.

Now it's cloudy, and cool, which is weather I don't particularly like for kayaking, and no one has had lunch. By the time we get the boats on the car, eat lunch and find a place to go, it will be time for us to come home because it will be dinner time for the kids.

This happens very often and I have reserved the right to be very angry and gloomy about it because although I can't control my husband's reactions to my parents, this is the precise thing we have gone into counselling together for. He needs to create boundaries with his parents because they have no respect for our plans and if they have something they want us to do, we are suppose to fall in line like sheep and bleat our way over to their house and sit pretty while they shave our wool and put pretty ribbons all over us and manipulate us.

So I add them to my list of triggers. I have had contact with all of these people today. I can hardly wait until therapy tomorrow.

[thinker22]

I can't say that I know what it's like to have in-laws, but I do know what it's like to have parents and the way my parents react to their parents. It's too bad that there are some relationships based on guilt and manipulation, but sadly it's frequently the case with parents and their kids. I've only met one couple (my maternal grandparents) who don't do any of that. I love them so much. They are always kind and accepting of people's weaknesses provided the person isn't using them (over and over...which some try to in my extended family, but they don't put up with after a pattern has emerged). They love me just the way I am. I hate California, but if I ever had to live there again, I'd rather be near them than anyone else, and this is the blanking most boring and hot place in the state in my opinion. It's also probably the meth capital of the state. Bleck. I don't have drug problems, it's just I know personally what addicts are like when they're using. Not that they might not be good people once they get off of the drugs, but in the mean time, I hope they stay far away!

Anyway, I'm rambling. Sorry the in-laws ruined your plans. Your husband does need to learn boundaries and say things like, "Hey listen, we'll be by sometime soon. We've got to get the frozen items home and have plans that need daylight. Love you. Bye."

It's a friggin' dog toy. They shouldn't run your life, but you already know that. How frustrating.

Hope you get some time to relax by yourself soon.

I know I'm getting a bit stir crazy when I get upset that my mate comes in while I'm doing a chore in the other room and asks me anything. It's like, "Go away! Can't you see that I wanted to be alone? Why did I close the door?" But I don't say that. And I'm trying not to snap when he asks me how I feel or what I'm doing or anything. WTF is wrong with me? See, even nice people can trigger me, how much more so ones that are obviously manipulating you?

[BNLsMOM]

I should take a vacation. (I am afraid I may not come back)

[thinker22]

I know the feeling. Only thing that stops me is my love for my mate. I couldn't abandon him. I'd totally max out my cards and move to a new place with a cooler climate if I did run off. Maybe I should just tell him we have to move or I'm outta here. He doesn't want to move. I know my mental state will only improve temporarily after the move, but hey, it's something.

[rkba97]

My cat is my greatest source of therapy and peace.

Those around me are my biggest triggers too... my boyfriend tries so hard to understand and maybe he's not so much of a trigger, although we live together and the more you see someone I guess the more likely it is that they'll start the roller coaster going... My family (parents, brothers), and I am so thankful that I don't live with them all, are DEFINITELY my biggest triggers. Mental disorders run in the family and my therapist has helped me to realize that although I wish I could make them all happy, it's not my job to do that. Just to make ME happy. Now of course I know that's not very good advice when you have children... but you just gotta take it one day at a time, and take a "me day" every once in a while... and go to the beach and sit there all by yourself and love life, even if for a day And take a Xanax.

Pets are unconditionally loving and sweet and they never react to mood swings because they don't know any better. I think I want to get another one

Take care, be well!

RK

[Pughead]

Yeah, I totally agree. My close ones are the ones I get paranoid delusions about, and they set me off (when I am in a dark place). I was just reading some of my old posts. They scare me to death that I could have said or done those things. But the evidence is there on these forums. I never want to be in that dark of place again.

I also found comfort in my dog. Wishing that all humans could give unconditional love like a dog does. One time my wife said, "Why didn't you marry a pug then?!" - I was in a very dark place at that time. I hope you can find peace.

[romanjames2004]

I actually feel exactly like that. I often get sooo angry at the people around me that I don;t even want to think about them. They cause so much stress and so many headaches. They think im an insecure stupid baby or they think I am slutty or they think I am smart and successful that I don't try hard enough. They also like to manipulate me and pry me for information. I am actually alot smarter than they think and will actually catch them in thier own game. I happen to be really sneaky at times which is mostley because of them. Well, what ever they think of me, I have actually stopped talking to most of them and I am a better person. I usully feel guilty about alot of the anger I have. I hate feeling angy at people but over all limiting the comunication I have between each person has helped. Also, I have sort of created a "personality" or a way I represent my self to each of them. Now they don't bother me because they have coined me as a "male *****". All I know is distancing my self from them a little bit has helped alot. I hope you can find some way of having a better way of reliving some of the stress that the people you love put on you.

Feel free to talk.

Roman

[rhonswat]

Originally Posted by thinker22

I know the feeling. Only thing that stops me is my love for my mate. I couldn't abandon him. I'd totally max out my cards and move to a new place with a cooler climate if I did run off. Maybe I should just tell him we have to move or I'm outta here. He doesn't want to move. I know my mental state will only improve temporarily after the move, but hey, it's something.

My husband and I are currently looking for a place to live. And like you, I feel like my mental state will on be temporarily fixed. I have already found that my family is a trigger for me and my NEIGHBORS are a huge trigger for me. I am scared that I will be fine for a little while after we are moved and then I will have an episode and my husband will regret even moving! I am really scared of a lot of things right now. BP is a new diagnoses. I can look back at least 4 years and see how if all fits together now, but I am scared now. I am scared I will not see the moods changing, I am scared to go to sleep at night because I have been having nightmares. My husband restricted me from the bank accounts, I have to ask him to give me my meds because of a recent suicide thought. I feel like my life has been stripped away. I know I am rambling.

[amaviena]

I can relate. My mother is my biggest rtigger.

[thinker22]

I hope BNLsMom is okay. I knew she was going to the hospital. I wonder when she'll get out. I worry when any of us is going through it.

Hugs to you wherever you are, BNLs.