to let you know

I'm not feeling up to much. Let alone typing this in. Went with my mom to a book publishing party. Took the ativan and had a drink before going just to be ok.before the book opening We had stopped at a cemetary to see graves of my greatgrandparents ppl I've never met. I started to ball. During the book opening I started to ball and on my way home I started to ball. Everyone seems to write more when they are in a manic phase but don't forget the blues. My pdoc gave me lamictal only. Yet I told him I was going down and thought I needed an antidepressant too. He did call me in a new script for some more ativan as I had run out and I thanked him for that cuz I ddnt think he believed me about a lot of what I told him. Anyway I'm tearing up and can't see too well so I'm getting off.

Sorry to hear that Bridgie.

I need Ativan (lorazepam) to sleep and curb my anxiety also. I wonder why he won't give you an anti-d like Wellbutrin. It's helped me a lot and Lamictal is like a placebo for the first 5-8 weeks. 200 is the lowest therapeutic dose. You should have something, even only temporarily to help with your uncontrollable crying spells. I would ask again and tell him that you can't stop crying all the time at the slightest things.



Take good care and try not to mix alcohol and sleep aids. Not good. Unless I misunderstood you and you were drinking something else.

(((((Bridgie)))))

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Keep reaching out to your pdoc until he understands how depressed you are and that you need an anti-depressant.
He may be hesitant to put you on an SSRI, because they can trigger mania.
But there are others like the one Thinker sugested--Wellbutrin XL that are not SSRIs but work well for Bipolars.

Good luck and Take Care

I go in again sometime. 2 weeks. Will tell him then. Will see a therapist this coming friday. First time with her too. I have been feeling very overwhelmed and anxious and just really sad.

Frankly, I'm not sure, but an Ativan might make me cry. Did you mean a drink of alcohol or water? Just asking. Also, I take a low dose Effexor XR (150mg morning) , so far it hasn't pushed me up into mania. Are you experiencing other signs of depression other than the crying? I know you said you are anxious. BTW, Effexor is an SSNRI.
I hope you feel better soon, bridgie.

(((((((bridgie)))))))
Don't be afraid to call your pdoc before your appointment if things get really bad.

Good luck Friday with your new T. I hope you and he/she "click".

I am on Lamictal also. Plus Lithobid and Seroquil. That combo is working great for me. Sounds like your at the beginning of your treatment? Ask about those other 2 drugs along with the lamictal. I always thought that ativan was used to calm people down. When your depressed , well at least me, I'm already calmed too far down.

I get anxiety attacks so they give me ativan for that. I don't think I'm calm when I'm depressed. I cry can't breath go numb and some other things. I wish I was just calm. That wld be nice. So my therapy is in 30 min I'm nervous. Here I go

(((((((((((bridgie)))))))))))

GOOD LUCK!!!

Please let us know how t goes, k?

Yes. Let us know. Having hope is good, even if meds take a while to work.

Therapy went ok. First time with her. She seems nice and concerned. She is going to talk to the pdoc about an antidepressant for me. So we will see. Other than that it was the same first appt questions. Anyway I've got to go cry somemore. Have another appt in two weeks. Will check in later. Thanx guys for being supportive. It helps

glad it went ok. really glad she is going to talk to your pdoc about an AD.
sorry you are crying.

(((((bridgie))))) thinking of you. and glad you got the AD in the other appt.

I wish I had the ad sooner. I've been hit hard with this sadness. Overwhelming weight and released a flood of tears. The dam was opened and I took it out on myself. I wasn't supposed to be alone last night but ended up that way. I wish it ddnt end that way my self control is gone. I don't know how I feel now. I've awoken after 3 hours of sleep. In a strange sense of calm. It scares me. I don't know whcih way I'm going now. Someone is supposed to come here tomorrow. I hope they come early. The earlier the better. Just as long as I'm not alone again. Its safer.

I'll be around. Feeling alone is not good when in a crisis. I don't sleep much so I'm usually on here much of the day, checking in at least.

You take care and definitely don't act on impulses. I'm so tempted to lately, but I'm only going with the non dangerous ones so far. If it gets worse i'll leave a message w/p-doc.

I can relate.

I'm sorry you have to feel this way. Hang in there. Keep posting.

Today I have a sense of calm. I'm not sure what to think. It was so horrible yesterday and now I'm numb. Numb I started the ad today. I know it won't make a dif right away. I had a friend come over earlier and another is on the way now. I don't want to be alone right now. I'm not sure I wld be safe if I am for long. I just want to be back up. I don't want this down. Its hard right now. Oh my.

(((((((((((bridgie)))))))))))

I am glad you have an irl friend to stay with you. Just know that your PC friends are staying with you too.

Thinking of you.

Thank you berries and thinker. Some days I don't know what I'd do if I cldnt come on here and vent. It has helped at times. Anyways I will check in later

Me too! I need the support.

Well I had people with me the whole day. Which was good because the night before I did some awful things to myself and had a sob fest.I don't think I cld have made it through the day if someone wasn't here. Today I'm supposed to go pick up my son I'm going to have to wear long sleeves so my parent don't see what I've done. I feel horrible in more ways than one. I do enjoy going back out to the farm so peaceful out there. One more day to make it through but I think this one is a ltl more doable

Talk to your doctor ASAP dear.