how many times to you give someone a 2nd, 3rd and so on chance

I have had serveral discussion with my boyfriend about bipolar and everytime he says he is going to be more caring and understanding and he will demonstrate that to me.

when i have my moments, i am trying to recongnize when the hypromania/mania are coming on so i can better deal with it and try some of my copeing skill, i have learned over the past few months.
The Hypromania is much harder to cope and deal with. I have told him that, buth either way he kicks me when i am down, makes rude and hurtful comments and laugh at me.

Than the next day after he appolgizes and the cycle continues.

I dont know what to do. Anyone have any ideas. I am standing on my last leg with him!

Sounds like verbal abuse, which is just as bad as physical, if not worse- the bruises NEVER heal..........

Sounds like the classic cycle of verbal abuse, apology after, only it continues..

You deserve the best pamela, mental illness or no mental illness, you deserve someone who understands you deep down, who is there for you, who does not knock you down, I have a mental illness too, and it is hard enough dealing with it much less someone else making it worse...

You deserve the world, pamela.....and you can only find what you deserve by exiting your current situation and going behind door # 2..

I have found in my own personal life I exited and went with what was behind door #2- no one at first, seven months of being alone (but sane and happy...) then meeting the man of my dreams who UNDERSTANDS myself and my illness

I wish this for you

I think that you should threaten to leave him the next time he does something like that to you and if he does it one more time i think you should leave him.
hope that helped....

ugh, im dealing with the same thing... i wanna leave cuz he doesnt understand. it hurts me and its obviously hurts him. but i feel weak and trapped.

Here is a suggestion Pamela...

Before making a decision to end your relationship as based on your boyfriend's lack of understanding and your own hurt about that, I suggest you consider the following factors:

- Overall length of the relationship
- Commitment level of the relationship
- What the relationship is like during times of stability

The truth is, just as your episodes affect you, they also affect him. Just as you can be hurt, he can be hurt. Just as you have a responsibility to manage these episodes in your life, he also has a responsibility to manage his response to these episodes as well. However, just as you need someone to cut you some slack from time to time, he might also need the same.

If your relationship is such that he is someone you want to be with, someone you recognize as reasonably healthy outside of crisis points, maybe what you should do is to mutually make a committed effort to learning some better methods of communicating with one another. It sounds as if his method of communicating right now ends up leaving you feeling hurt and not understood. It also sounds as if he's feeling hurt and not understood too.

Best of luck with it.

~ Namaste

An additional suggestion for your consideration Pamela:

When we talk about friends and family members being supportive and understanding, we may be placing an impossible expectation upon them and then, beating them up for it in some fashion if they fail to meet our demands. Unless your friend or family member has had a personal experience that was similar to your own, chances are that they will never be able to understand your experience with the intimacy that you understand. That's not to suggest that they shouldn't seek to educate themselves on the process or that abandonment is an acceptable coping mechanism -- if you love someone who has is currently experiencing or has experienced some form of mental illness you have a responsibility to educate yourself.

Nonetheless, it's been my experience that peers will often be the best sources of emotional support. It may be better to seek emotional support and understanding from peers and focus on more practical matters in your relationship with significant others.

Pamela,

To hurt someone you profess to love and care about is just abuse in my book. We constantly strive to not even do that to ourselves so NOBODY else has the right to do that, bf/gf/husband/wife/parent/etc. It seems like this cycle is ongoing and that's no way to live the rest of your life. The moods can be managed with medication but the betrayal of trust and question of intent can be destroyed forever with hurtful words.

I'm not sure how many chances you can give this guy but you have to try to be strong for yourself, even if that means getting out of an abusive relationship and being by yourself for a little while. Regardless of how sweet or nice or caring someone is when things are good, it doesn't make up for lack of compassion and love when the other is really hurting and REALLY needs that love.

I hope you'll be ok my friend.

Chris

Thank you for the website, I will attempted for the 50th time to educate him. He will appreciated the the words of wisdom from you. However, unsuccessfully, attempted many of the technical options to him which are simalar to your information you had provided. Believe me, the techniques may work for someone who is actually will to try, the truth is, they dont work for him which is ver frustering.
We will see if he is going to try this time around, i cant deal with him throwing me under the bus i.e. "go to group and talk about your bipoalr, I am sick of hearing it from you, you dont have a pot to piss in as he pokse fun at me with a laugh".
I told him last night, i dont want to hear that he is going to try. I also indicated to him, that the last couple months i am learning how to cope with my bipolar and attempt to control the maina. As you probaby already know, the longer mania last, the harder you come down.
sounds as if you have been very supportive to your son and that you are truely there for him which is something that i am just not getting right now.
Thank you for your advise, but at this point he need to take the intial step to learn and understand, because i am sick of wasting my time and engery on him!!

It might be time to move on. It is one thing to have to educate our loved ones about bipolar disorder. It is another to be demeaned and ridiculed for having bipolar disorder. This isn't just an education issue it doesn't sound like. Do you really want to take this abuse anymore? Do what is right for your dignity and self-respect.

Time for a new boyfriend

It's hard when stuff like that happens, Pam, but I am inclined to agree with those that feel your BF is being abusive to you. One thing, though; Don't threaten him with leaving unless youare prepared to follow up on it the next - the VERY NEXT - time he falls into the old pattern. You've talked enough, in my book. Just because you are Bipolar doesn't mean you have to tolerate this BS. You have other options. Good luck

I sat down an read everyone's post, it made me feel good that I was not over reacting. When he came home, I told him, you cant have it both ways. You want me to get better and not act like i did in the past but at the sametime your making it worse. I do not care anymore if he does not want to try anything to learn about bipolar. I provided all the resouces, per advise that i recieved here and from my t. and he has not followed thru with any of them. so as far as i am concerned since he is not will to support me, he can deal with consquences of my hypomania that can last up to 3 months and its not pretty.

Your gray cat looks like my cat. where did you get the pic for your profile?

have you taken him to a doctor appointment with you so he might get an education from someone else?

Re. cat avator, I got him fom the list that thye have here on the site. If he looks like your cat, how neat!