I'm Back

Well, I'm back after a 3 week absence. I convinced myself I didn't need this site. That I was being dramatic, ridiculous, and that there was nothing wrong with me. I watched 4 seasons of the tv show "Lost" on Netflix.com. I ended up enrolling in two more classes, which was the exact opposite of what I had planned to do three weeks ago. I mean I could barely keep up with one class...and now I am in 3??? Whoa. How did that happen? Wait I know why: I'm an emotional rollercoaster. I now have a 10 gallon fish tank with all the cool accessories, and I bought my son a light-up keyboard piano. And then it all started going down hill when my son decided to go a week without sleeping. He began screaming at the top of his lungs when he was happy and when he was mad for three days straight. I ended up with a headache, an ear ache, and absolutely NO patience what-so-ever. So I hired a babysitter to begin watching him on the weekdays. It's all going okay, I mean I'm managing just fine. Then it happens....

I get on stupid facebook (which I now have deactivated my account) and see that my husband is talking to an old friend that I absolutely hate. I had to say something about it, get defensive...and now my husband who is in Iraq hasn't spoken to me in days. Maybe he's busy, I don't know. But right now my mind is saying that he is trying to hurt me. So I'm bummed and unmotivated...and stressing cuz I'm in 3 freaking classes. I just want to crawl up into a little ball and sleep, but I can't do that. I've got responsibilities. I just want to be a happy little family. And I hate facebook because everyone puts on the persona that they are happy.

So now I'm just being a little baby. Can't deal with the fact I'm lonely. Can't deal with the fact that marriage isn't perfect. Can't handle the thought of being completely alone. So all in all...I'm back. I guess we can all be miserable and emotionally unstable together.

I'm glad you are reaching out for support. Welcome back. I wish I had some specific advice to give, but just know that the people in this site will be in your corner.

Welcome back.....facebook is evil.......Iraq is worse

Thanks BNL and 54. 54, you're comment made me smile. I found out from another soldier that my husband's internet ran out...which at first I was like, "he's lying." But then I thought about it and I realized that it was a plausible excuse. However, I'm still bummed cuz I still feel like he is mad at me. He stays mad at me anyway, why should I be surprised? I've decided to just quit thinking about him entirely. I can go into denial mode. I'll pretend that he's not mad at me...and maybe just maybe I can function properly. At least I'm getting along better with my 11 month old son. I've had more patience with him, and he has more patience with me. He's a stubborn little fella, so when something doesn't go his way...it's over. haha. Thank God for the internet and sites like this one. I'm pretty sure its the only thing that has kept me from going off my rocker.

I'm resiliant. I've decided that his absence is not worth mulling over. In fact, I turned it into an OPPORTUNITY. Since my husband won't have internet until he comes home for Christmas, I betcha I can get these 3 classes knocked out in no time! My only set back...is that I have to take my sleeping pills at night, or else I'll lay there for hours...thinking way too much. And then I'll end up in a bad mood and grumpy if I don't get enough sleep. The baby demands that I wake up every morning at 6AM, so the pill is neccessary. I promise I won't get hooked on it...and hey, it's keeping me away from alcohol. And getting all this school work done is making me feel SO much better.

Ugh...why did I bother checking my email? He sent me an email that said, "I'll just see you when I get home...goodbye" WTF???? Sigh....file it away. It's not my fault I have a ******, insensitive husband. Life's not perfect. It never will be. Love is never the long-term solution. I'll just finish my degree and get a good job, and leave the ****er if I have to. Hell, men are only good for one thing (sorry guys) haha. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I hate that I am talking this way, but I need to. It's my "defense mechanism." My priorities: "Baby.School." That's it. And if he doesn't talk to me for the next 4 weeks, he better find someone else to pick his *** up from the airport. Trust me, he will severely regret breaking my heart. I WILL make him pay. BUT ANYWAYS. goodnite all. Hopefully this pill will kick in soon, but until then...I'll read my chapters. This not talking deal IS going to be GOOD for me. We need a break. It might even be good for our relationship. I think God is trying to tell me that I need to remember who's important...MYSELF and God of course. God needs me to stop thinking about a man long enough to learn something else. So, God...hold my hand and let's get thru this **** together.

((((Another day down)))) Hang in there. Remember how sensitive we can get about stuff. I know there were times that there was no way my hubby could be sensitive enough to not step on my sore toes. He wouldn't have been mortal, much less human
You sound like you have your priorities straight, hun. Just get you and the baby through the next weeks. What your hubby decides to do is what he decides to do and you can worry about it when you hear it. Huggs, and hope that your classes go well!

Anotherdaydown, i got on facebook a week ago and impulsively wrote some stuff when i was manic. Fortunately i asked my sisters for help. They were my angels and helped me through the damage control process with nothing but caring and concern and of course the delete button. I was lucky i hit in time. I talked to my t about facebook and the like. Her response was dead on. She pretty much said since we can communicate so quickly, there is more of an opportunity to be impulsive. Take care when using computers. As far as when he comes home, what if you took your son to see his father come home regardless of your feelings? Your husband is a lot of things but if you can look at him as someone comming back alive from a war zone. After that you can go from there.

oh i completly feel for you, heck i sound like you, im married and totally freak out at the thought that he might be even on facebook, my space, whatever!! I mean arnt i enough to deal with? I have severe trust and jealousy issues

wow, its amazing to read this two years later.
I was so immature back then!
And my husband is still insensitive.
Hmmm.....