Absolute Worst Thing Of it!

Trying to educate myself and For all the Bipolar sufferers What is the number one thing you hate most. The mania, Depression, not being able to tell someone, having to push people away , what is the hardest to deal with. I know it must be hard all of it but if you had to pick only one what is the hardest that you have the most trouble with emotionally?

Enjoying nothing.

i think vickie gave an awesome answer, so for mine i shall say it is not being able to connect to other people. i have trouble making & maintaining friends, & now jobs. & worse the times i most need people in my life is when it is the hardest. when it gets really bad i can't even make my MH appts. i ignore bills & other such problems that could easily be dealt with with a phone call or other such way that involves dealing with people, but i let them slide & pile up making everything worse. even when i am feeling better it becomes an issue because it has gotten to an overwhelming point, & sometimes the people i then have to deal with treat me so awfully that i shut down & crawl back into my hole. it is a terrible place to be.

i wish more businesses offered email or chat features to contact someone there. one of my goals, which i need to write down for my next appt because i keep forgetting it, is to attempt to get an email address for my counselor at the MHC. i know she has to have an email at work i can use. i spent my professional career as a social worker & always had my office email address available to my clients because that is much easier for me to deal with than a phone call. sadly many of my clients didn't have email, particularly the neediest ones, but for the clients who did it worked really well for them & for me.

Chompers this rings so true. My fear of communicating in a low is the actual cause of a lot of problems. One of my friends has told me how frustrated and hurt she becomes that I don't or rather can't contact them or answer the phone. This is probably especially confusing for them after a hypomanic period when I'm constantly calling/texting/emailing/socialising. When the crash comes, the retreat is on and I can't face anyone. I relate to being unable to meet MH meetings, and then feeling so useless afterwards. Horrible horrible place to be, alone and feeling unable to get help. So grateful I found this forum.

Thank You Guys. I know its hard to talk about, so this means alot. Do you find you have a hard time with attachments to people? Like If you get too close to someone or some people, you cant handle it and you withdraw??

Yes I definitely have problems with this. I get very close to people very quickly. Then if there is a problem in the relationship, some disagreement, I retreat and won't communicate. I think this has to do with my need for perfection, I see it as a personal failure that a problem has arisen. I also think that once the person gets to know me fully they will not like me anymore because they will see what an ugly person I am under the exterior.

I have ended every single one of my relationships with boyfriends because I got frightened that they would end it with me first. Fear of rejection and need to be in control. I have had numerous groups of friends, close friendships typically lasting 6 years and then ending abruptly. Other acquaintances have shorter lifespans, I can get to know someone very intensly over, say, a month, and then the contact drops.

I am trying very hard to address this and to maintain the friendships I have at the moment and have made an effort to fight my urges to withdraw after conflict and face it. However in order to get over it quickly I seem to put the blame all on myself to make the other person feel better and reach resolution.

I sometimes wonder whether it is easier just to be alone... but I guess relationships with one another are what makes us human, so I'm gonna fight to have the healthiest relationships I can have.

Rambling a bit tonight, sorry guys.

Gioia can I pm you?? Im in deperate need of help .

of course, please do xx

For me, it's all the pills. I take them, because they do work, and for my family, I will do anything if it means they don't have to suffer because of me. But I fear their long term effects, and hate the side effects. I argue with myself all the time, wondering if the pills aren't necessary, but just the easy way out instead of trying harder to control myself unmedicated. I wonder if my moods are not a chemical thing, but a learned behavior, since some of it corresponds to my parents behavior, but I'm adopted, so it's not a hereditary issue.

I also hate that it seems like Bipolar is on my mind EVERY DAY. I'd like to have just a few days where my thoughts and conversations involved nothing more than simple life. I wish I could just forget, just for a few days, that I'm Bipolar.

Thanks for this thread ((((((((((((( FeelingSad ))))))))))))))

Fuzzybear, Anytime! I want to know all about this, And Try not just to offer advice in my own life but maybe be a help on here, I dont suffer from this and I know I will never be able to fully understand what someone who has this feels like but In times when maybe someone is scared or , doesnt know where to turn or just needs someone to vent their frustrations I would like to be here as their sounding board, and of course to give hugs. So Please everyone, If you need to talk or state an opinion Im here.

For me, it's boredom. Nothing is exciting enough when I'm manic (how many different jobs have I had?) and when the crushing depression sets in, there is nothing in the world that can motivate me to do anything other than breathe in and out all day.

The people/connection problems are a constant for me, too because everyone else is boring when I'm manic and I'm too boring to be tolerated by others when I'm depressed.

Thanks for the thread...it's not boring.

YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! boredom. unrelenting, crushing boredom. nothing is fun, nothing is enjoyable - it's not living, it's simply surviving. which makes suicide seem a lot more attractive for me.

I hate the rages and the mixed episodes because I am in such terrible anxiety and active pain. In a depression I am usually less actively in pain and more numb, dead to the world. Life HURTS almost physically during a mixed episode. The rages come in and add shame and guilt. Argh. Horrible!

For me, it's pushing people away. I tend to do this as my first response when I get manic, although it's the very opposite of what I want. After I have been hateful and pushed others away, I have a hard time living with myself, although my family is very forgiving and supportive. They are wonderful.

exactly! i feel like i don't know how to make friends for that very reason. when i try to get close to someone i reach a point where i'm afraid i've gotten too close, said too much, hung around too much, etc, & i pull back. that makes me feel awkward & i don't know how/when to act, so i often just let these fledglings relationships go. or on the flip side with people who are more aggressive in the area of becoming friends, i get overwhelmed by them & shut down.

i'm fond of saying that one of my BFFs from college "made" me be friends with her, lol, because she was more aggressive about being friends & wouldn't let me just be a weirdo & slip away. though this was college & we had scholar's bowl together, so not only did we have almost daily practices together, but we had over night trips for competitions too - & we were the only girls on the team so we always shared a room. also, it was before we had cell phones & home computers with IM & Fb. i my email & Fb, but feel about the same way about IM as i do about the phone. but at least with IMs i can take my time about responding.

sorry if i ramble.

1963.Susan:After my original answer of never enjoying anything, what Susan said here rang so true for me. I always wondered what it would feel like to live instead of just survive.

Also:

ilazria:My New Years resolution is to try to forget what bipolar illness has taken from me and focus on what I have that's positive in my life and give to others with what I do have. Maybe by doing this, I might not have to remember every single day that I'm bipolar.