Denied SSD

After the second denial, try again! The third time you try it automatically goes before a judge who the decides if you qualify for SSD. My sister had to go through this same thing. On her 3rd appeal it went before the judge, he read the letters from her doctor and therapist and granted her SSD. So please, dont give up! It just takes time.... Make sure your get letters from you doctors, psych, therapist to send with your appeal! and keep copies for yourself of everything you send!

I'm in the same boat.... I was denined and appealed it. I'm waiting to hear back - but this time I did hire a law firm that works souly on SSD cases. They reviewed my case and siad that I should not have been denined and are now working with SS on my appeal.

Don't give up!! Good Luck!!

I am one of the ones who got SSD on the first try. Why? I think it was my history: a dozen hospitalizations, pdoc and psychologist who supported my application, a leave of absence from work followed by a return to work and another leave of absence, having ECT. Even though I have an advanced degree (Ph.D. in special education) I was found as not capable of working. It has been 3 years and I am still on disability and unable to work. Currently having ECT. Feeling as I do now, I doubt I could ever go back to being a professor. Too stressful.

I don't have any hospitalizations, but do you know why? Because I cannot afford to be in the hospital. My pdoc has wanted to admit me numerous times, but there is no choice for me. The only psych hospital is private and I didn't have health insurance until about 30 days ago and I live in an area that doesn't have a psych ward at the community hospital, in fact, my only option would be to go into a state hospital, which, because I am above poverty level, I don't qualify for. So instead I am at my house, unstable and tortured. I've had a dozen jobs, but I am never able to stay because I'm a nutcase. But I guess its just my problem. I don't know why I expected anyone to understand my torture.

There have also been times my pdoc wanted me to go to the hospital, but I just can't afford to do that. My general practice doc has also wanted me to go to the hospital, but again I just couldn't do it.

I've finally found a job that is low stress enough that I can handle it. I know jobs are few and far between these days, but maybe it would at least help keep a job. I still get a bit wigged out there on occasion, but nothing a klonopin doesn't help with. So I don't have to worry about SSD.

My brother is pschitzophrynic (sp?) and it took a while for him to get SSD, and he is really incapable of working, there is no sort of stress he can handle every day has to be pretty much the same for him or he has issues. He was put in jail (he freaked out when a policeman stopped him while he was walking and asked him some questions), and has spent time in the hospital.

I'm not sure if this will be of any help, but I hope it will at least make it so you don't feel alone.

I realize my above post sounds really snappy, but I was expressing my feelings at the moment. And really, my feelings are not much different now, except I regret to sound like I was snapping at annieinside. I am not snapping at you per se, but at the situation. I worried from the beginning that because I don't have a bunch of hospitalizations it would look as though I'm not "sick enough". Its a frustrating and torturous situation to be in where I had plenty of plans for my life. I graduated with honors with a bachelor's degree in English and have completed most of my graduate studies, but its like none of that matters. In the "real world" my functionability is near zero. I lack the ability to deal with petty office conflicts and politics. I become enraged at injustices. I let my obsessions take over and take on too much work, then I become depressed and fall behind. I crumble at the slightest bit of criticism and utterly shattered when my direct supervisor took credit for some really good work I did. I simply cannot handle having to report to people about my actions. I am capable of any work, I will excel at everything and anything I try, but if I am forced to interact with other people, all my abilities go in the toilet because I'm weird and moody and I have outbursts when I am overloaded. I let things build and build and build until I become tortured by things that ordinary people just let go (like racism, I lost my last job because my boss was a racist pig and I couldn't take it anymore). For all my good intentions I usually end up just embarrassing myself because I try to fix things that other people are perfectly ok just letting go. I tend to alienate everyone I work with because I don't handle small talk well and I despise gossiping. I'm honest and straightforward about things and that REALLY doesn't go over well. The fact is that I am not capable of maintaining employment. I have tried and tried and tried. And I cannot do it anymore. I cannot come home crying everyday. I cannot call into work every other day because I am unable to handle my duties. I've never found a place that was open to attempting to understand, much less accommodate, mental illness in its employees. I was talked about and when I made them incredibly uncomfortable I was put on a "paid leave of absence". After that things were never the same. Gradually they started taking away my responsibilities, they took away the one employee I supervised, little by little I was completely marginalized until it was so obvious I wasn't wanted I couldn't make myself stay there. I know this makes little or no sense because I'm all over the place, but I want you to understand, its not like I want to be weird and pathetic. I don't want to have to be on disability. I want to have a career where I am appreciated and accepted, where I help to support my family. I want to feel like I am something. At least if I got onto disability I would have eventually gotten medicaid (care?) and would be able to actually spend more than 45 mins a month in therapy and may actually get to the point where I don't have a panic attack the moment my phone rings, or someone knocks on my door, or I have to talk to a stranger. I want to be ok. I am tired of wanting to get a lobotomy. I have honestly BEGGED my pdoc for a lobotomy. ANYTHING to stop this torture. Anything to make this pain and confusion go away. I don't want to feel judged because I haven't been in the hospital. For me the hospital is a luxury I don't get to indulge in. Just because I haven't been in the hospital doesn't mean my illness is any less severe, any less debilitating. And wanting to have that acceptance of a piece of paper that says "yes, you are sick" may be stupid, but its something I need to feel less invalidated. I am not trying to be weird. I want to be sane and normal.

Nudyinae that does help me. Thank you. I am hurting so bad right now by so many different things that I am just overwhelmed. Today is the 16th anniversary of the day my brother committed suicide. This year I have taken it harder than in years past. And I am already having problems as it is. I just didn't need this extra stress right now. I am trying to get the courage up to get a lawyer, I don't know if I can do that, as I am terrified of talking to people.

What low stress job did you find? I would love to find something I could handle. I would love to feel productive.

Hi PerpetuallySad,
I am truly sorry for your dilemma. Please know that you don't ever have to worry about letting out all your feelings here. This is a place of compassion--we all understand where you're coming from. We may not have exactly the same experiences as you but we suffer from similar disorders and understand your frustrations. I guess you know that already. Gee-I wish I could give you a hug and say you will get through this, Hang On.
Hugs,
JourneyUpward

I have been a Systems Administrator for 10 years... I got laid off from my last Sys Admin job b/c of my disease. (They treated me very fairly, and I had to sign saying I wouldn't sue).

Now I'm doing application administration. Where I'm working now the stress is fractional, my boss is wonderful. He deals with the stressful "people" situations.

I don't do well with people either, that's why I work with computers.

I just got denied for my disability. I went 2 talk to a lawyer and he was very nice. I asked him if i had a chance to get it he said he doesnt take a case if he doesnt win. I know they take a percentage but they can do things i wouldnt be able to do.

When I try to imagine myself in a permanent work environment I get very panicy and scared. I know this is just my anxiety, but it honestly terrifies me. My ability to be around people has reduced dramatically over the last few years. It takes great effort for me to make it to the grocery store every two weeks and anything beyond this causes me such panic that its usually not worth doing whatever it is. The only things I can MAKE myself do are things for my son; I just take a ton of xanax and deal with whatever it is as quickly as possible then I come home and freak out big time. God, I am so tortured by this. I know I keep using that word, but I don't know what else to describe these feelings as; torture. I want to be productive, but I am so bad at handling life around "strangers", ie, anyone besides my husband and son, that I freeze up and ruin any situation I am in. Any confidence I had has been gone for so long that I cannot imagine how to get it back. It doesn't help that I live in a really small town in Mississippi where everyone knows what's going on with everyone else. The only place to have a job is at the university here and I've burnt my bridges there by turning in my former employer for a huge amount of unacceptable behaviors. They literally blackballed me and I've been completely unable to find another job since I've turned him in. I have gone to so many job interviews and been flat out rejected that I have no confidence left. Clearly I am defective. I cannot even get a job working at a convenience store. Not that this matters, because if I had a job, I would freak out. Its hard to explain, but I end up being so weird that it severely impairs my ability to function on the job. Ug, I don't know what to do.

I am going to try really hard to make myself contact a lawyer. I wish there were someway to do this without having to actually speak to other people.

(((perpetuallysad)))

I'm so sorry for your loss...
I know the anniversary brings on many difficult emotions.
Know that I hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace!

I am sorry you are having so much trouble getting SSD and life is so difficult right now. A lawyer may be your best choice.

It can be the luck of the draw. I was approved the first time as a bipolar patient. My sister filled out the application for me. After that, my sister who is also Bipolar applied for herself and she was denied three times! After she got an SS attorney she was approved. Get an SS attorney.

Dear Perpetuallysad,
I'm sorta zonked on meds right now but just wanted to offer a few words of encouragement to you about getting SSDI. It took me a lot of courage to go to a lawyer but I was desperate, and had been denied applying on my own. He was a wonderful man and was very direct as to what information he needed from me.
First, he told me to keep a detailed diary about how I felt each day, the ups the downs, everything. This he said would be submitted to the judge at the hearing. So if you don't keep a journal, this would be a good thing to start for submission to a lawyer if you decide to hire one.
I'd also like to answer your question about what type of work you might be able to do. I used to be in retail advertising in a very stressful environment, then became an RN. Not good, being bipolar.
I was so sick when I finally got my disability that I didn't work again for FIVE years. YMMV. I had to make some serious decisions about my life. I made things as simple as possible, such as not having anything to do anymore with people who triggered me, having a low stress environment and I began working at very simple jobs. The first was in housekeeping at a hospital. It was a real blow to my ego but I could handle it. Then I did a few other things but finally ended up 4-1/2 years ago doing what I am doing now parttime. It's in home health as an aide. I "sit" with clients a few hours a week, do light housework, sometimes baths, cooking simple meals. It was a real Godsend and last night I got something I've never received...a certificate for perfect attendance last year and $50! I was so proud. And work knows I'm bipolar!
So, yes, there are jobs out there that might be good for you and not stressful. I really wish you well.
Another thing I had to accept was the limitations of this disorder. Once I came to terms with that, I became a much less angry person, I am more at peace now that I don't have to put on that "fake grin" for the world, on the bad days I can just curl up, cry, take my meds, listen to others online, and yes, I pray. But the relief of not working 40 or more hours a week is an incredible blessing.
One more thing. After you've been on disability for 1 year, you get Medicare (if you are on SSDI) and part D pays for your meds, after a small copay (depends on the meds). The only drawback is unless you have the money, you have to see a pdoc that accepts Medicare.
Anyway, I'm coming out of a bad mixed state so I'm not exactly making much sense right now, but I felt your pain and just wanted to write and maybe encourage you not to give up. {{{hugs}}}

Sad, you are right on except on how long it takes to get on Medicare - it is two years.

Zooie, thanks for taking so much time to write such a supportive post. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of going to a lawyer. I am scared of people in general and I don't know but it scares the crap out of me. I am still trying to get up the courage to tell my husband I want to go to a lawyer.

What sucks is that I feel like an absolute failure. Why did I bother going to college if I cannot handle being around people enough to even have job?

I am working really hard on being more positive this week.

I went to two colleges (1-1/2 yrs total), plus 2 years to get my associate degree in nursing. But I don't feel those years were a waste, instead I feel like I was able to accomplish at least a small bit of success despite this disorder, and am proud I did it!

I'd also like to mention that I'm an alcoholic (last drunk '86) and when I finally got to AA in '95, I learned some wonderful things that also helped me with being dx'd with BPD. I learned to "let go, and let 'God' " and also the serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This is awesome sad, because it really does work if you work at it. I was finally able to feel good about myself, altho it did take a while. I am who I am, failings and all. And I'm so proud of even the simple job that I have now. I know you can find these things within your own life. Also, please be gentle with yourself, don't beat yourself over the head, none of us are perfect, it would be a boring world if we were.

Anyway, just wanted to "talk" to you today and maybe share some things that have helped me. I'm 63, and consider myself a tough ole gal! Made it this far, you can do it too.

dont feel so bad, though its hard to be denied, im currently at the appeals council and review, so i know how bad it sucks. they told me to find a job with little contact with people!! suggested being a ticket taker?? stay strong and appeal that son of a b$%ch!!! take care

I was just denied again for SSDI... So I will appeal for a third time but with an law firm helping me this time. I was told that the 3rd time the request is taken before a judge and that judge determines if you do or don't get SSDI. They say the 3rd times a charm.... I sure hope so....

I have a question for those of you who were denied SSD. Do they give you a reason why?

The only "reason" was one part on the last page:

That's it. And I'd like to point out that the only time in my life that I was a cashier was from 16-18 when I was in high school and I worked 15 hours a week. I graduated from HS in 1994. I find it to be the height of irony that they suggest that I become a cashier since one of my primary problems (I have tons, but a big one) is that I have great difficulty speaking with or interacting with people, especially strangers. My pdoc stated that in his summary.

He did tell me that he's never had a client in 25 years get accepted on the first try. He also said that they almost always suggest people with mental problems do the ticket taker thing. WTF?

Considering the entire letter was obviously a form letter with a few "personalized" things filled in, I have an extremely hard time believing they read one page of my medical report. I have clear documentation of my illness and deterioration over the past 6 years.

I'm trying very hard to get the courage to get a lawyer. I am scared as hell of people and the thought of talking to a lawyer is truly paralyzing to me.

That's for posting that. (I was just curious because I am one of the lucky ones that got SSD on the first try.) When I was last evaluated by my disability insurance company the company hired said I could do a job that did not require me to interact with people, not supervised and low stress. Where do you find that? They did back off on it and I am still on insurance disability.