Not wanting to grow up?

Sory, Not sure whether to put this in here or in the Anxiety area. I have a problem. I have been told to talk to a therapist about it and everything but I have been wondering if other people with bipolar feel this way. I am 19 and I feel like I am soo old. I always joke with people and tell that that the day I turn 30 I will want to kill myself however I am not joking. I tried researching my self and could only find that the only reason I feel this way is becasue i have Peter Pan syndrome or what ever when really I don't because i am not childish at all. I just have this constant anxiety about aging or changing the way I am.

Do any of you guys feel like this ever or am I just crazy lol? I don't know. I feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis or something just becasue I am turning 20 soon. I don't mean to depress anyone I am just loosing it over this little part of my persoanlity.

Roman

Well... I dont have a fear of getting old. I do feel like I am physically older because of all the aches and pains. I would imagine with Bipolar... being aware of our emotional rides... also helps us to be aware of our physical body a little more. Also, going through a manic episode may cause you to stay focused on the goal to the extent that you might not realize the stress you are putting on your body. Once again making us feel old.

Is trivial as it may seem... going from 19 to 20 itself may be causing those thoughts. No longer a teenager.... becoming more active in setting out your life plans.
Nobody thinks about going from 33 to 34.... but 39 to 40 ... thats a little different.
For some reason... That first number bothers people... Change it.. and the whole perception of what should be a happy birthday goes out the window.
But a number is just a number..

I have struggled with this greatly in the past. When I start setting out life plans I become overwhelmed, and then I just obsess about these "plans" that I'm making for myself in the future. The main problem was my mother and her unrealistic goals she had set for me. ex.: Going to college for a BS, then going to college to get a Masters degree, then getting my Doctorate degree, then getting married, having children (yes, multiple children), having an executive job.....etc.

Then after doing 6 weeks of an out-patient program, I realized that it does not matter what she wants me to, since it is my life and that I need to do what is best for me.

You have to remember to stay in the PRESENT, and not the past or future. If you're not in the present, you can miss a big part of your life because you're always worrying about what happened or is going to happen.

Technically, you never need to grow up. You just need to learn how to adapt to the situation that you're in, in that specific time, then go play some video games.

romanjames2004, you have a lot of your life left, don't worry about getting old, until you actually are old. Just think, one more year, then you get to drink legally.

I used to claim that I don't want to live past my fourties... now I can see myself as a Sex in the city chick (minus the heels). They done well in the later life too.

The thing is... that you change your priorities without even knowing it... "growing up" and maturing happens slowly, you mostly do not even realize it. And each age has it's specifics... good and bad.

And yes, you don't need to grow up. YOu stated you don't feel childish, so don't worry about that. Nobody is all wise and mature in their 40s nowadays.

I'm not sure if this relates...but when I was a little kid and even as recently as 2 years ago, I'd make deals with myself like: "When I turn 8 years old, I'll kill myself, because I don't want to live past then"...things like that.

I think it was part of my OCD, making "deals" with myself in order to be comforted so that I'd never have to face the responsibilities and stress that come with growing older.

I actually feel younger most of the time. I think inexperienced is a better word. The fact that i was never really able to get started on a path. What I didn't know is that I was often manic when starting on an idea and couldn't get going because I would become depressed. Now that I am diagnosed it explains a lot of what was happening, but I still look at other people as authorities on things and tend to think that I don't know as much as others. In reality I am probably more experienced in life that a lot of people becuause I have tried so many things. Who really knows.

By the way, I am 35. There was a time in my life that I couldn't imagine being older than 30. Time went on and so did I, for what it's worth.

Thanks for the support guys. It's just something that always bugs me for some reason. Every birthday is like a horrible reminder to me lol. Also, I do have ocd and like ohseedee I always make deals like that with my self.

Thanks though, I just always wonderd if this is often felt or if I was just a lil crazy lol.

Well if you are crazy, then I guess we are in the same club! Birthdays are always difficult for me as well. As far as making deals with yourself I have made plenty with myself. I made the same promise to end it if life was not better by 30... I got a dog the day before. You can make it trough, and i would not worry about wanting to stay young it is all a matter of the mind anyway.

As my grandmother says.. she is a 20 year old trapped in a 92 year old body.

I used to think that 50 was old and unreachable... Now I'm 54 years old and I feel young. Sixty looks old but I know now that it is only the body getting older, not the "me".

Hi romanjames! So glad you posted -- I'd been wondering how you had been doing especially knowing that you had some hard things to deal with recently. Good to see you!

On this particular topic... I can relate quite a bit. I've definitely set some "no way, no how" points. Most recently I was focused on 46, and definitely no 50. I'm 47, so made it past one anyway... Something good happened and I want to see where it goes (which coincided with meds that have helped a lot). Can't say I feel old though. I'm always mistaken for much younger than I am and can totally not relate to that numerical reality, you know? Then again, I have about no sense of time whatsoever, so... no wonder the confusion. I don't have so much, as you say, a fear of "changing who I am", because I'm the only one in charge of that -- so even if I can't relate very well to others in my "age catagory", I'm still who I am regardless of how *they* think *they* are "supposed" to be. Does that make any sense? Fear of aging is something else altogether. I have that BIG TIME. I keep trying though and focusing on the other as my reality. Which I suppose is like the saying "only as old as you feel". Still, actual physical degradation terrifies me and I still don't know how that will play into all of it. But I do have a very cold attitude and that will likely be where my boundaries meet their limit. I know that sounds horrible, but there you have it. It's the truth.

But you are very very far from that realm. Try to focus on how you want to be regardless of what others *think* you should be and it will very likely take you farther than you imagine.