sos - in a rollercoaster without the seatbelt on

Hello there, I was directed to this forum, new member here. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a month ago after what seems a hypomaniac episode (I was running through the streets feeling like a superhero on a mission trying to find a train ticket from any of the town's many train stations... and almost got ridden over by a car).

(The history of my treatment: I had a burnout in July 2009 for work-related stress and have been in treatment for eating disorder since December - and ever since, nothing is as it was. )

I am troubled about this new diagnose (bipolar):
I was given Aripiprazole 15mg immediately when I had that episode, but had to stop taking it because it gave me terrifying panic attacks. Substituted it with a benzodiazepine and the panic stopped...

... but my moods are now changing several times a day and I feel as if I were in a constant rollercoeaster without a suitbelt never knowing where it will throw me out. My moods can turn within 10 minutes from superhero to breakdown, and the anxiety and nervousness is almost overwhelming. I would like to take an antidepressant to help me face the days, but again this might project me up into a manic mode if the diagnose is true...

What is going on? Rapid cycling? Or a wrong diagnose? Might it be something completely different? Does anybody experience the same or might give me any hint? I am desperately trying to understand something about this. Thanks, and take care

Fencer

Hi Fencer and
Your doc would know the best course of action for you, but I can tell you some of my experience.
I have tried numerous meds, some work well and others need to be changed or tweaked depending on what cycle I am in.
Cycling is different for everyone. I go about every 6-8 months between cycles. Some people change very very rapidly, thus the rapid cycling diags.
The roller coaster sucks and makes for a miserable ride, but if you find the right meds, the ups and downs aren't too hard to handle.
Just remember that the first part of the diag is really hard to take sometimes. For me, I was in denial for a very long time (years) and then when I started reading up on it and what the diag meant, I took it and ran with it.
Now, I am on a major down, but instead of doing what I used to do (go to hospital or run away) I am looking for a new Pdoc, calling people that might be able to help, talking here with friends and just trying to be pro-active.
Talk to your doc, tell them that you want more help understanding what diag you have, what you can do to help yourself, what resources are available and read...a lot. There is so much information out there.
I know it's hard, but keep talking here and asking questions. It has helped me so much!

Onlymedid, thanks so much these moods just take me completely aback. i am kind of used to experiencing extreme emotions and feeling things more intensly than people surrounding me (that's what iv'e grown used to over the years and i guess all in this forum know what it means ), and i did undergo two depressions that lasted a few months in a row. but this rhythm tears-laughter-tears-laughter-tears or better strong-weak-strong changing within minutes is so unusual and soaks up all my energies.

merci for telling your story. your approach is very curageous

I would say that is rapid cycling. I too had the same problem until I had a med change. I was on the same med you are on and it didn't help me much. Now I take a combo of Lamictal and Geodon. Talk to your doctor and let him/her know that you are still having mood swings with the medication. You may need a stronger dose or a different med.

I think that not only is it possible to cycle that fast but sometimes you can have "mixed" episodes as well. I will be driving and the song on the radio has me ridiculously hyped up and then the next song has me crying. Anti-depressants were never my friend. Anti-anxiety, mood stabilizers and sedatives are a lot more helpful for me.

I cycle extremely rapidly (maybe a couple a week or more), and my episodes are mixed. Oh wow, Eloise...thanks for mention the driving and the radio. That's how I know when I'm going into hypomania...when I get SO high off of a song. Glad it's not just me. I always feel ridiculous afterward.

Thanks Eloise, PufNstuf, i'm relieved i'm not alone feeling like this. just had a crying attck and needed to leave the office, my psy gave me an emergency rendezvous later this pm. it feels so horrible to feel completely out of order and not able to regain in the least control over yourself. i pray he ll make an end to it by giving me some medication that works quickly. i feel i cannot cope with it any longer, not an hour, not a day

Sorry to hear Fencer! And I hope the app this afternoon can shed a bit more light on where you're at.
I too cycle very often and music is a major trigger for me; either hypomania or depression.
Make yourself 2 playlists on your iPod - one for when you need to get out of a depression, and one to slow you down when going thro hypomania. I survive due to my iPod at work.

Sugahorse, I am very happy with that reply. I will try... in fact i remember going through a whole month not allowing myself to switch on my ipod cause it would propell me up into aggressivity. i always thought music could not be a trigger but just a "consequence" of your mood, but will be more careful from now on...

two more hours to go until the med appointment, watching the clock and trying to hang on... 10, 9, 8, 7.....

Only 1 more hour now, fencer! I wouldn't listen to music, either. I'm pretty careful about what i'll listen to depending on where my mood is. But sometimes, the right songs can help me feel better. I think the hardest hting about BPD is feeling alone...and like you're the only one feeling these things. It was to my great pleasure (and amusement...because now I feel as though I can laugh at myself) to find that we are not alone...in any of this.

I will be thinking of you at 11 (EST) for your appt.

Remember, it will take some time for the correct med to work, but I felt better after 2 days on Lamictal (not advocating my med, just an example)

PufNStuf - wow, to feel better after 2 days is awesome; most meds they say you need to expect a month or so before you feel anything

I know...but I can only even take 50 of Lamictal....that's enough. I may have damaged my system with anorexia for a long time. I'm still struggling with it for many reasons, but modeling was a lifeline for me after my divorce - the alimony didn't even begin to cover the debts we had amassed. They said that I may be processing the med as an adolescent (I'll be 26 soon).

I find it unbelievable, too. I questioned both primary and psych. about it. Any higher made me just....irritated and so sleepy I couldn't function. I also have to only take .25 of Klonopin for it to work. I took 1 mg. last night to REALLY knock me out.

I went through rehab in Jan. for painkillers. Of course, Rxed. I abused them because I was miserable and didn't care. But with that even, 8 painkillers a day was the most out of control I got. Meds just really affect me.

Cheers all and thanks! PufNStuf 2 for thinking of me at just the right moment. feel much more confident now. Coming back with two recipies, lithium and risperidone, and looking forward to feeling different, any change is welcome

PS Sugahorse and PufNStuf - did that test with music trying all from aggressive to depri and it works - will carefully design a few playlists, but avoid them until medication starts working...

Soooo glad you're happy with your new path on this road! Let us know how you're feeling =)

definitely stay away from depressive music, but I have like instrumental music. Just play around a bit with playlists.
In a mixed episode, I can listen to something with a stronger beat, and I'l steer clear of the depression
When I'm depressed, I just need soothing music - cannot have too much of a beat, or I'll go off my head.

You guys are going to laugh at me...but B.O.B's CD...I really liked! The first song "Don't let me fall" had the perfect melody to help lift you out of depression. Then listen to "Shades". That song makes me dance!!! Give them a try =)