[Berries]

I want to stop taking my meds so I can truely be me. The way I was born. And also to see how sick I'd get or if I'd get sick at all.
And I am really pissed off about having to take all these meds.
And doubely mad that my mom won't let me stop meds. Even if I wanted to hide not taking meds--she would know. She can now recognize the withdrawl symptoms, especaily the insomnia and nausea. I am an adult and she treats me like a mentally ill child.
When I was living alone, I could do whatever the **** I wanted--cut myself, stop meds, ride my bike on dangerous roads, get up early without critisism. Also, now my every mood, action, or inaction is scrutinzed and/or controled on a daily basis.
Also I feel a lot of pressure to take my meds from my pdoc,T and my best friend (who is not mentally ill).
Is all that crazy or can anyone understand my postion?

[kadesgirl09]

I understand not wanting to take your meds but its not the best idea. I hate the lethargic feeling of geodon and would also like to see who I am off medications but theres a reason we take them in the first place. For me, it wouldnt be worth it to find out because I know I will end up in a deep depression or horrible manic episode. I love my husband and kids too much to not take my meds.

And your mom only loves you and wants whats best for you. Same for your pdoc, T and best friend. Let them look out for you because sometimes we dont do such a good job of that ourselves. Good luck and well wishes!

[sunshine1status]

Yes I can relate. I have tried to go off of my medicine 4 times because I thought that I was better or because I got tired of being on it. But I know that if I go off of my medicine again that I will die because the pit just keeps getting worse each time I go off of it. Please stay on the medicine so that nothing terrible happens to you. I care about you from my heart.

[Skully]

I completely understand not wanting to take your meds I feel the same way some days when I wake up and swallow a handful of pills. But I also know that it is the medication that allows me to live a peaceful life. I cannot imagine going back to the way I was when I decided to stop taking my meds. I did that last September and by February I was in the hospital. I do not recommend it at all!

[grizmom]

In my experience going off of my meds was not a good idea - I ended up in the hospital in a severe depression. And then when we re-started the meds I had been on, for some reason they didn't help like they had been, so I had to start all over with trying new meds to find a combo that worked. Of course, in the end, it IS your decision, but if you do decide to go off the meds, please ask your pdoc how to taper off of them safely. Take care, and best wishes to you!

Hi Berries --Like the others, I've experimented with this (reducing, not even eliminating), and it did not go at all well. Relate? Oh yeah.

Something struck me in reading your post... let me just throw it out there, ok? The overarching theme here seems to be about control. It's nice (and essential really) when there are folks watching out for us but it can feel a bit overbearing when every little thing feels like it is being scrutinized, you know? Maybe if you were able to talk with them about dialing it down a bit, you wouldn't feel so externally controlled. The meds though are more of an internal control that help _you_ manage better. You. Yourself. In showing diligence about taking them (ie. showing responsibility and self-care), the others might feel more reassured and back off a bit. Might feel more like cooperation than control then. Worth a shot.
Does this make any sense? If not disregard... my mind's been more than a little off lately.

[Karen1933]

When I was living alone, I could do whatever the **** I wanted--cut myself, stop meds, ride my bike on dangerous roads, get up early without critisism.

And that was better? You would want to go back to all that?

I get the hassle of taking meds...no, I'm not in the same boat, but I hated taking antibiotics and that was only for 10 days!! But I knew that if I didn't, I would get worse AND they might not ever work again for me..so subsequent treatment might be worse.

Does the "truely being me" allow peace, comfort, and the ability of self control the majority of the time?

Just wondering if these were some things you may have already asked yourself.

I understand your frustration, Berries. Wanting to be the way we were before we became ill - I think almost everyone with mental illness has wanted that at some point. However, for most people, this is not a reality. We really can't go back to exactly how we were before mental illness struck.

For most people, stopping medication is a bad thing. I stopped all medications at one point and triggered my first manic episode, in which I was hardly connected to reality.

We are on our meds for a reason - to help us feel as good as we can possibly feel. If we had a high blood pressure, we would take medication to help combat that. Mental illness is no different. Sometimes it can be a hassle to remember meds every day, but it's worth it to be mentally healthy.

[Berries]

yes innerzone what you said does make sense.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Hi Berries --Like the others, I've experimented with this (reducing, not even eliminating), and it did not go at all well. Relate? Oh yeah.

Something struck me in reading your post... let me just throw it out there, ok? The overarching theme here seems to be about control. It's nice (and essential really) when there are folks watching out for us but it can feel a bit overbearing when every little thing feels like it is being scrutinized, you know? Maybe if you were able to talk with them about dialing it down a bit, you wouldn't feel so externally controlled. The meds though are more of an internal control that help _you_ manage better. You. Yourself. In showing diligence about taking them (ie. showing responsibility and self-care), the others might feel more reassured and back off a bit. Might feel more like cooperation than control then. Worth a shot.
Does this make any sense? If not disregard... my mind's been more than a little off lately.

[enoughisenough]

I am new here, but I can completely relate to the med issue. I have wanted to stop all meds so many times I have lost count. I haven't stopped out of the fear of what will happen to my family if I stop. I get so frustrated and think "What if itis the meds that are making me feel this way instead of making me feel better?" I hate it!

[perpetuallysad]

I was going to post something very similar to what innerzone said. Maybe its less about stopping your meds than it is about your mother dictating what you MUST do. I'm sorry you are in this position. I literally have heart-pounding nightmares about living back at home and dealing with my controlling mother again. I truly sympathize with you.