How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

((((((((((PT52))))))))))

a survivor. today i feel like a survivor

Awwww, PT!!! I see you!!!
Congrats, nikkiamber! You are!

Hey VJ, have you made a list for your appointment? I find that having a very basic list helps me to remember the bigger stuff and settles my thoughts (otherwise it's 'round and 'round for fear of forgetting something important -- helps get it out of my head so to speak).

Today I'm doing quite well. Had a shorter graveyard shift last night and got sleep both before and even more after. Should be normal sleep tonight (assuming no big wake ups, but that hasn't happened in a couple of weeks). BF is off work today too, so we are just hanging out and relaxing.

Yesterday had a bit of frustration. Had one teeny tiny little errand, and just couldn't get out of the apartment to do it. Damn anxiety! Which really only happened upon the thought of leaving the apartment. Argh! Rest of day was fine.

I've been horribly ill lately and have not been able to post much. I could not take Lithium I was so ill. After several days I am finally feeling better. I am actually awake, I am not so slow in thinking that people think I don't like them when I talk, I don't forget my bills,and my average mood is better. OH, and I don't shake like a leaf and have everyone thinking I am a nervous wreck.

I quit. No more Lithium for me. I am done being a good girl.

Lithium made me shake horribly too. I don't think they do enough blood tests because I'm sure I was way off the charts before I had to come off of it, but the first test had come back within normal range, so the pdoc assumed it would stay that way at my 900mg dose. I think not. Good for you 'mzon mom.

I had a good day. Went on a bike ride and finished reading a novel that I started a year ago and cast aside due to not being able to concentrate. Every day seems better than the last. I think I'm heading into hypomania waters though. Trying to keep my sleep routine in check so I don't blast off into mania.

Hugs to everyone!!

My levels have all been the same, but my side effects are just more and more....

so I am unmedicated for now. Where is that Zoloft?

Havent had time to catch up, been f'd up for a few days, hope to tomorrow but wanted yall to know I miss you guys....

Been away from all things computer coz my brain has been buzzing to much, now i'm exhausted from meds and still have the attention span of a gnat ( no insult intended to any gnats...)
Will catch up more later after a finish doing the 60 billion things I've started and not finished. I WANT TO SHOP!!!!!! and I don't even like shopping..

for everyone. I've been MIA, so it took me a while to catch back up.

I feel very fragile today, and the slightest thing sets me off. I'm supposed to start an out-patient program today, but I don't think I'm gonna go. Seems like a waste of time/money to me.

I feel dumb down yet still tense and anxious a and tearful. I dont want to leave the house but have to go work. My mother is on my mind all the time I cannot do anything for her, she has mental problems as well and on the other side of the world. I feel totally use less and pointless. I am shaking all the time. I hate mon/tue as I have to work a double shift am/pm. I just wish most night that I would fall asleep and not awaken the next morning.

Hi all,
sounds like lots of us have been incognito.

not feeling good today, spent w/e in hospital following O/D. still feeling dizzy and light headed but should clear up a bit as the day goes on.
feel like a complete idiot.. dont even know why i did it. best friend is really upset about it, hubby doesnt seem to care, but think he is just trying to not overreact. my GP is going to be furious. hopefully wont see him for a bit cos he can be very blunt at times!

soz to not reply to others, not up to it today, but am still reading and do care!

(((((Amazonmom)))) (((((Denise))))) ((((Blackpup)))))) (((((Moreta))))) (((((Lilleth))))) ((((((((Polyonomous)))))) Sorry you have been having difficult times. Wishing you all the best.

I feel ok today. I am busy at work and I have no choice but to knuckle down and get on with it (says she, as she sits here typing away on PsychCentral ) I find it helpful to be busy and I am grateful for the distraction, though I do feel a bit overwhelmed and stressed. Anxiety is ok, although I just ate too much chocolate to give myself an energy boost and now I feel a bit jittery. But at least I know why!!!! Which is much better than the usual free-floating, unexplained physical anxiety symptoms that overcome me.

sundog glad you are starting to feel better. I'm sorry you had a panic attack to associate with running, but I'm glad your run went fine for you. I hate to feel anxious and worried over having a panic attack or anxiety of any sort. Staying busy is a good thing if you can do it.

PT52 Wish I could just scoop you up and make you feel all better. Wishing a great improvement in your mood.

nikki Glad you are feeling like you can survive.

Innerzone thanks for the advice, it's actually a pretty good idea. I'm glad you are doing well despite your anxiety attack the other day. I can sympathize with the frustration from it though.

Amazonmom sorry you are not feeling well. I hope you can get your meds worked out so you can feel better. Have you tslked to your pdoc about the side effects?

thinker glad you are still doing good and able to enjoy some leisurely activities. Hope your not in a hypomanic stay and just enjoying the fullness of life.

Denise glad to hear you still around, thanks for letting us know you are ok.

BlackPup sorry you are buzzing. Sounds like you've gone manic or hypomanic, I don't know which. Take care of yourself and watch yourself.

Moreta take it easy and I hope your mood improves

Lilleth I'm sorry you are going through a tough time right now and feeling helpless to help your mom. I can understand not wanting to work when feeling this way. I pray things will get better for you soon.

poly that is awful to hear. I'm glad you are ok though. I hope things get better for you soon.


I seen my pdoc today and think things went well. I found out I was bipolar I which kinda shocked me. The honest truth I was kinda hoping she would say that I may not be bipolar. I know wishful thinking, I have been having my doubts, but this visit set the reality back in. She added lithium 300mg twice a day to my drug cocktail and I'm kinda nervous about taking it. It is not helpful reading about amazonmom and thinker having troubles with it. I know it don't effect everyone the same, but I'm nervous to start taking it. I will try it though and hope for the best. To say the least I'm feeling anxious again today. I've been gritting my teeth all day to the point my jaw is sore. I just want to chill and relax for a while, but I feel to wound up. So far my klenopin has not kicked in or ain't helping much.

vj: lots of positive vibes your way and fingers crossed that the meds will work out for you. I really appreciate the way you comment to everyone no matter how much sh** you have in your life.

For everyone else: ditto what vj said, wish I had the energy to say more.

Me: managed to scoop up a little bit of myself, less depressed but feeling drained and empty and scared. Hubs is confusing to say the least, especially long distance (he's headed for Ontario, won't be home til who knows when)...one minute everything is going to be fine, the next he says we've been heading in the wrong direction for too long. I have to find a way to not let it bother me..

Hey guys, sorry I'm not very active lately. I was up for 3 days straight self-medicating. Been done with that substance for about 2 days and now the anxiety has set back in, the depression. I'm constantly so frustrated and dont even know why. All day I have had episodes where I am frozen with an overwhelming feeling of hurt and sadness and despair come over me and its all I can do not to break down in a puddle of screaming tears. I am tired of living a worthless, pointless, irrelevant life. I am tired of feeling. I just want it to be over. Why must we suffer so when those who thoroughly enjoy life so often get to escape it early?

I had a good day today. It doesn't happen very often.

Wow, that's GREAT, Andy!!!! Wishing you many more good days!

((((((vj))))))) GOOD LUCK with the lithium. I totally understand about feeling anxious at the thought of taking it, but I really hope it works for you. Keeping my fingers crossed. And I agree with PT52 that I really appreciate your support too and think it's wonderful how supportive you are even if you are not doing well. I hope the klonopin kicks in and you're able to relax a bit this evening.

(((((((PT52)))))) Sorry things are confusing with your hubby, but I'm really glad you feel a bit better today. Hope tomorrow is better still.

((((((((((((Denise))))))))))))))))) Big huge hugs for you. I really, really hope things improve. Sending you lots of positive vibes

This morning woke up quite depressed. Afternoon, up a bit. Then, chatting w/ BF, and I said something about what a relief it was being off tonight. Really? Thought you were on? Long story short: He's right. Big panic meltdown (new spot in middle of nowhere, middle of night and insufficient maps...even online). Lay down, conscious breathing to no avail. Immediate Xanax. Fortunately checked with office. Work tonight?: yes. New location: tomorrow, not today. (Confusion has to do with how they call graveyard shifts and then they changed how they call them. Everyone's confused.) WHAT A RELIEF!!!
So who knows *what* to put on the mood emoticon?! Depressed, anxious (can we have a "flipping out" please? , and back to blah (which, to me, translates to "whatever".) What a day. Wrung out, but at least should be able to sleep a couple of hours before heading in tonight...
Just glad to not be flipping out now. Phew!
Couple of funny video shows and teddy bear time (for a bit anyway...)

today is going to be good. i actually got a lot accomplished yesterday, so i'm just gonna do a bunch of nothing today. I woke up at 6 and had really bad anxiety, so i took my meds and went back to bed. >.< seemed to have worked though.

for everyone.

I Hate the World Today and I Believe It Hates Me Back...

crashing down. wish i had taken more pills and done a decent job of it
no one cares anyway

We care, poly!! Be strong, even if it's just for the next 24 hours. You can do that, right? For now, tomorrow is just a thought...let's face whatever it brings with all the courage we can muster!!! An orchestra is not the same with one instrument missing...imagine the 1812 Overture without the tympani or the cannons! You are a unique instrument in our awesome, dysfunctional and incredible orchestra!!!!!!

((((((((((((poly))))))))))))))))) and (((((((((((((((Denise)))))))))))))))))

Enjoy your day! (((((Moreta)))))

Feel ok today. Anxiety is a lot better and I have virtually no physical symptoms of anxiety at the moment. No idea why, but very glad!!! Only downside is I'm eating too much sugary crap. While I was so anxious I had no appetite and now my appetite is back in full force and I'm over-indulging, to say the least. I have a history of disordered eating, so I really need to watch this.

(((((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))))))

Denise: Lots and lots of hugs, sorry you hate the world...please remember that our little world, right here, loves you and cares.

Moreta: Glad you're feeling better!

Innerzone: Sorry you had such a crazy day - hope your night went better!

Andy: Yay!

Me: seem to be using an obscene amount of exclamation points. Sore all over and not sure why (must be that brick wall I've been banging my head against), blah but in a positive way, if that makes sense. Hubs is still confusing, but now he's back to being a sweetheart. Hopes that sticks

polyonamous!!! WE CARE!
(((((Denise)))))
Yea, Moreta! Good to be able to de-anxiefy (yup, made up ) *and* sleep in!

Hehe, PT52... hear ya on the exclamation marks! (!!!!! lol) Sometimes I will joke that I've reached my "quota" of exclamation marks.
Night did go better. Was feeling quite depressed and still rather anxious on the way there (and made 2, count 'em 2, stupid driving mistakes!), but it was pretty ok once I settled into the work. Still, a vague feeling of wanting to cry. Don't know why. Today I've been very anxious again. Annoying it is! I'm settled down about getting to the new location tonight, so that's not it. Will have to compare mood charts. Starting to wonder if maybe the generic is not really working for me. Sheesh, hope that's not it, as the cost of the brand is not exactly realistic for me. Maybe it is the graveyard shifts and being extra confused about time. (Hope not that either, as the nights tend to be mellow, so I kind of like them!) Maybe it's just general wonkiness... that happens too, after all!