[Pamela Choi]

I am trying to figure out how to control my mania with depression and my high’s. I take Lamictal, Risparedone, and Ritalin. I have been off my medication for about 1 month and started my Lamictal the July 2, 2010. I requested to my doctor to be taken of Risparedone so no longer am I taking that medication.

A couple weeks ago, I was at my mother’s house with my Fiancé and his family. I was triggered by him on that Friday. By the time his family came up I was already having mood swings. My mother started triggering me and than asked for help from his family. I ended up being restrained by his sister and was pretty violent with my boyfriend.

As of Monday, I wrote an apology letter to his sister but I am still having trouble dealing with the way I had acted. I am unable to deal with any of my thoughts or feeling. I cannot sleep and if I do it’s for 2-3 hours a night.

I know it’s to late to take back my action and I realize this, but I just keep playing that night over and over in my head.

The reason for my post is does anyone have an explanation for the violence and the quick temper. Also, does anyone go through the feeling of my obsessive thoughts?

I really could use advice, thank you.
Pam

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Pamela Choi

The reason for my post is does anyone have an explanation for the violence and the quick temper. Also, does anyone go through the feeling of my obsessive thoughts?

For me that's part of the hypomania. If you had a recent med change it does take time, but I would let your pdoc know what you are experiencing. When I'm in a mood and/or starting a new med I avoid people that are triggers for me, but sometimes I'm in the situation and it just happens. Whether you have BP or not humans can loose their temper and say things they regret after. Unfortunately part of the BP for me it can intensify those feelings and I can loose it on someone and regret it after. An apology letter is a great idea and I maybe also follow-up with a phone call.

As far as ruminating over "mistakes" I've made I can be the queen of that. It's destructive and saying in my mind "STOP" will get me out of loop and talking to a therapist also helps. Hope that helps.

Hi Pamela! First off, it's good to see you back. I don't know if I have an explanation for the violence and the temper and playing things over and over, but can tell you that I relate Blueoctober has good comments, and yeah, the BP does intensify such things. Also about that everyone loses their temper sometimes. I've found it useful to apologize fairly quickly after I calm down enough. No excuses, BP etc, just so sorry that I did that and reassuring them how much I care about them. No promises for the future (ie. "I'll never do it again..") because I don't *know* that and would rather not make a promise I can't necessarily keep. But what I can do, and do know, is that we're in the present and that's the action we can take and mean. When we're mortified over our actions, it's hard to let go, but when we take restorative measures, it's all we can really do, and we need to remind ourselves of that. We can't go back. You wrote the letter and are dealing with it positively, which is all anyone can do, if that is any consolation for helping to put it to rest in your mind. Granted, we never really forget our worst moments, but we can move forward from them. It will take some time, please try to be gentle with yourself.

[sugahorse1]

I have always had a firey temper. And over the years it's just got worse. I was only dx'd BP a few months ago, but who knows how long it's been underlying.
I hate myself for flying off the handle, and do my best to apologise ASAP.
I think the temper part is just part and parcel of the BP - I am hoping that through T I can learn coping skills or direct my anger at other things.

I find that with BP I just feel everything so much more - especially depression, anger, frustration... I really need to work on keeping my outbursts in check and expressing my feelings in other ways (Bashing my keyboard is NOT effective, lol!) that can hopefully be constructive.
While I don't have much advise to offer, please know you are not alone.

Btw - I stopped my meds cold-turkey about a week ago, and also started Lamictin on 20 July 2010. Hoping it will be able to deliver what the pdoc hopes for

I haven't been on PC that long, so I do not know you, but thanks for posting and I look forward to chatting to you going forward.

[newtoBD]

Does a higher dose of Lamictal help with the mania? My hubby is on 100mg and is still hypomanic. HELP! His doctor said "enjoy the summer" (his hypomanic times) and he will watch his depression signs (usually in September). Shouldn't he be increased now????

[knossos13]

Dear Pamela:

That sounds terrible, I can certainly identify and my heart goes out to you. I'm a little unclear on the current pharmacology. Recently discontinued Risperidone? Still on Lamictal / Ritalin?

I'm not an m.d., so I certainly can't provide 'advice' on the matter. What I can suggest, based on personal experience and accounts I've read are a couple of possibilities that might account for the present symptoms: explosive anger / impulse control, insomnia.

The antipsychotic risperidone can & does often seem to induce rapid cycling in cocktails that include ADHD medication or antidepressants. & all alone, it can produce impulsive behavior.

Withdrawal from risperidone alone can result in psychosis, that's probably been curbed by the lamictal, but plenty of reason to guess that the risperidone withdrawal is part of the problem. About a month ago? If so, that timeline sounds pretty familiar.

Complicating the issue is the concurrent (?) use of ritalin, which as you know is an amphetamine derivative, which could certainly produce something that looks very much like the situation you're describing.

I don't have a solution for you Pamela, but please consider the possibility that the symptoms result from a combination of the stimulant ritalin and the withdrawal factor of risperidone. If either of those apply, I'm not at all surprised by your account.

All things considered, I think you're currently handling the situation beautifully! You're calmly considering the repercussions of the evening, and you're taking responsibility for the outburst. That's not the same as obsessive guilt, which you certainly oughtn't feel, and should try not to. Don't beat yourself up over this.

Again--not a doc, but if I've understood what you've described, it seems to have 'bad cocktail' written all over it. Do you feel comfortable discussing the symptoms with your doc / asking whether the current drugs might have played a part? If not, it might be time to seek another psychiatrist.

[Pamela Choi]

Thank you all so much, i don't feel alone or a freak. Matter of fact, last night I tried one of cold october coping skill. I told my mind to "stop" over and over again. That night, I had 5 hours of sleep, thank god. As for the medication, I do agree, the Risparadone with drawals are horible. I can tell the I am with drawing based on the twitches and sweating i do at night.
Again, you all have been such a help for I am not alone in my feelings and some of the actions and mind sets I have exhibited over the past 33 years. I appreaciate that you all understand.
Thanks again.
Pam

[perpetuallysad]

HEY PAM!! It's been so long since I've seen you. I am sorry you had such a bad experience and I don't know what to say about the violent outbursts other than you aren't alone. I do much the same thing. I have (so far) not ever hit anyone, but it seems like controlling the urge gets harder every time I get angry. It's weird for me that I swear the reasons I get angry are totally stupid and definitely not angry worthy. I have no advice, apparently! Sorry, I am glad to see you. Did you ever get a job?

[onlymedid]

I can relate to you on so many levels. The anger and lashing out is one thing I always have to check myself on. It's sooooo hard!
I have obsessive thoughts quite often. It sucks!
I wish I had some advice, but know that I am thinking of you!

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by newtoBD

Does a higher dose of Lamictal help with the mania? My hubby is on 100mg and is still hypomanic. HELP! His doctor said "enjoy the summer" (his hypomanic times) and he will watch his depression signs (usually in September). Shouldn't he be increased now????

Lamictal is actually not a great med for controlling the upswings and sometimes has an add on med to help with that. Lithium is a better med for controlling the highs. As far as doages everyone is different I am on 125 mg, but I have more issues with major depression. I also take 300 mg of wellbutrin/day (anti-d)

Perhaps ask your husband if you could sit in on his P-doc appointment and/or speak to him/her about the symptoms you have been noticing. I am not a fan of either depression or the hypomania, so "enjoying the summer" while hypomanic would be near impossible.

I can suggest a great book if you haven't read it already "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" by Julie Fast. Hope that helps.

[Pamela Choi]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Hi Pamela! First off, it's good to see you back. I don't know if I have an explanation for the violence and the temper and playing things over and over, but can tell you that I relate Blueoctober has good comments, and yeah, the BP does intensify such things. Also about that everyone loses their temper sometimes. I've found it useful to apologize fairly quickly after I calm down enough. No excuses, BP etc, just so sorry that I did that and reassuring them how much I care about them. No promises for the future (ie. "I'll never do it again..") because I don't *know* that and would rather not make a promise I can't necessarily keep. But what I can do, and do know, is that we're in the present and that's the action we can take and mean. When we're mortified over our actions, it's hard to let go, but when we take restorative measures, it's all we can really do, and we need to remind ourselves of that. We can't go back. You wrote the letter and are dealing with it positively, which is all anyone can do, if that is any consolation for helping to put it to rest in your mind. Granted, we never really forget our worst moments, but we can move forward from them. It will take some time, please try to be gentle with yourself.

Its good to talk to you again

[Pamela Choi]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

HEY PAM!! It's been so long since I've seen you. I am sorry you had such a bad experience and I don't know what to say about the violent outbursts other than you aren't alone. I do much the same thing. I have (so far) not ever hit anyone, but it seems like controlling the urge gets harder every time I get angry. It's weird for me that I swear the reasons I get angry are totally stupid and definitely not angry worthy. I have no advice, apparently! Sorry, I am glad to see you. Did you ever get a job?

Thank you, its REALLY great to see you too. I did get a job, but my boss is threaten me that he is going to be fired. I am such a loser. Wish I could be like more ppl. I have no idea why but I just keep a job for more than 6 Months!!! We need to chat sometime. TC

[sugahorse1]

Hey there, have things calmed down a bit? I hope you are feeling better

[Pamela Choi]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Hey there, have things calmed down a bit? I hope you are feeling better

Yes they have, I am working on talking to my pdoc about the options for anxitey and paranoia.
Thanks for caring.
Pam