Unsure

Well sleep still f@@@@@ up! Feeling suicidal now. Feeling indestructable. Feeling sad. Feeling empty inside. Feeling dead inside. Feeling manic. Not tired. Yet again still wide awake. Nearly 3am up in 3 hours for work. Goin through a self hatred and binge eating session. Just really unsure what to do now. Also wat to think.

Are you safe Miss Laura? Please go get help so nothing happens to you friend.

Sounds horrible....
Can you call your pdoc for an emergency appt? Keeping the highs under control is really important. Hope you can work something out.

Please take care of yourself, You are loved here on Pc!

I am safe, im just muddled up! If I tell my gp she wil make me come off sick from work. I cant do this. I need to hold on until next wk I come off on holiday for 1 wk end of next wk. I really cant come off work before that. I am sitting in bed its 740am I start work at 8am dont care. It takes half an hour depending on traffic to get to work. Oh well. Taxi I think is needed. Slept in for work. Only woke up at 715am. I just really hate feeling like this. Wish it would just go away

May I ask what if any meds u take for sleep? I am living in hell to so I'm not totally qualified offering any good advise except this. If you truly feel like ending your life. you really should find a way 2 b safe even if it means having a friend stay with you for a few days. I feel all the emotions that you just wrote however, I can't work so I can sleep during the day. I feel bad 4 you. I also have problems with sleep. It is 2:30A.M. and I am on my 3rd pot of coffee but may be able to sleep some now because I took more morphine 4 my pain.

I am not one to say hang in there but rather this.

Try to see the moon tonight, and see the sunlight in the morning. If you, or myself.....ALL of us can do that then we can know in our hearts no matter how dark every thing feels that we ARE still here.

Hey midnight_soul. I am so glad to hear from u! I was on Lormetzapam but it didnt work. I have also took Zopliclone(sp) and Mirtazepam too. Nothing helps. This is where my indestructability comes into it. Nothing can destroy me.

I live with my folks. But they dont no half of wats goin on. As usual mask it all. Came into work miserable. Feel ****. Want to go back home. Feel like I wont cope today at work.

Zopiclone worked well for me.
I'm sorry you're going thro such a hard time.
Please speak to your pdoc. Being booked off cannot be such a bad thing - if you are feeling the way you are, you are probably not being very productive at work anyway - they'll carry on fine without you - you need to be safe and look after your well-being.
I felt like you are a few days ago. And the stresses of work can be triggering and just make things worse.

Do you see a T to discuss these emotions with? When you're going through them, please journal about it.
Thinking of you - I'm just a PM away!

I see a counsellor. Seeing her next Tuesday. I cant afford to take time off though. I am just getting myself back into a kind of financial stability after being off for 3 months.

I work in care. I work with a young guy and am in his house all day. So I do stuff with him. I have to do things with him. He has an activity planner which I follow. We r heading out soon prob after lunch for our outing.

I am just so tired. I think if I wasnt so tired I would b fine. I feel depressed today. Put my mask on wen in the office. So people dont ask questions.

I am not due to see my psychiatrist til end of month. I have a gp app next Tuesday too. I just need time to get myself sorted out

Thinking of you - you are obviously stronger than you realise and have a real tenacity!

Just try to hang in there hun. You can do it. You are strong, otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far. I am only a pm away I am here to help!

Thanks guys. I lied. I am not doing good. Why I need to lie I dont no. I am sorry.

I have stopped myself from crying. I am not functionin in work. U guys probably know this anyways. I just want to sleep

wish there was something to say....
....please stay safe, can you call someone?

I am meeting a friend now. Just finished work. Had a long day at work. I just want to go home but said I would meet her. Just feeling low

Stay strong, hope you get some rest. Check in soon and stay safe.

Miss Laura, do you have a safety plan, some plan as to who you can contact and what to do when you feel like this? It sounds like you are in a mixed episode love and you need to calm down. It's not us you're lying to, dear, it's you, and you just can't do that with this disease. Please call your pdoc. See what you can do. Maybe it won't be so bad as to need to leave work right away. Just let soemone know how it is so that you aren't so alone. HUGGGGSSSSSSSSS

Hey....

I feel BRILLIANT now..... CONFUSED YES SO AM I!!!

I spoke to my friend..... she knows some of the things thats going on but not everything as I couldn't get it all out so I had to just be happy to know that she knows and has spoken to me and listened to me.

I don't have a safety plan. I have never actually thought about that. I know I have a few people I would contact if I was really not good. I know I could contact my GP Surgery during the day if needs be.

I am struggling to cope with the no lying thing. I don't know why I need to lie. I lie to people cause I don't want to hurt or let people down. But then I don't want people asking me questions. My friend tonight asked me how my mood diary was going and how the counselling was going. She said she knows I am not telling eveyone everything and she knows I am not writing it down either. I said I am and I am trying to be honest. She just looked at me. Its frustrating.

Work doesn't know as I am just putting my mask on. I can hold on until end of next week. I am off on holiday as of Sunday 17th

Another sleepless nite. Could barely get up today. Heading for a 'family' day today. I feel so much better from yesterday. I am sorry for moanin on here. Sometimes I just need to moan.

Glad things are looking better and you got through the difficult parts. You are an inspiration to me- I'm busy going through such mixed extremes at the moment; from wanting to cry one minute to being so loud and jumpy in the office I get told to Shut up.

I hate this, I really do - going to run away from work just now

You moan all you want...peaceful vibes coming your way for lots of sleep.

Thanks guys,

I am sorry though. I feel lately I am being a cow and I am sorry

I have had a great day shopping in Edinburgh. I was out with the family. Bought a few Christmas presents so I am happy I have started that. Slept all the way and all the way back from Edinburgh. Didn't sleep good last night and desperately needed it.

Its on 7pm here but I am in my pj's as I have a stinking headache again. Just when everything was going good.

I have been slightly manic today. So I guess my crash will soon come

Awe thank you Sugahorse.... I feel I haven't dane anything though to inspire you...

Nah, not a cow, just bipolar. hang in there, start thinking safety. HUGGGSSSSSSSS