Feeling Down

Hello everyone. I guess I'll explain myself. I've been feeling pretty down, and I know why. It's because I stopped getting ECT treatments. However, the ECT scares me...it makes me nauseous/vomit, so it's out of the question. I'm trying to live my life with my medications: 10mg Abilify, 800mg Tegretol, & 500mg Seroquel.

I'm not in therapy because of an extremely long waiting list. The only therapy I tried was group therapy, which annoyed me extremely, so I stopped that. I would only like one-on-one therapy. I do see a psychiatrist every month or so. My next appointment is December 2nd.

Lately I've just been feeling unmotivated about life. It doesn't help that I know someone who has been missing for over 72 hours, and I am fearing the worst. I'm also stressed out about moving into my first apartment with my brother, worried about finances and all that.

I just get these thoughts...not super serious or anything, but thoughts about OD'ing, even though I can't (my medications are locked up, and the key is kept by my father), SI'ing, running away and hurting myself, etc...

How can I keep myself happy and excited about life, without doing the one treatment (ECT) that helps me? What do you guys do when you feel depressed? I'm worried that things will eventually get worse, and I'll have to call crisis or stay in the hospital or something.

I also have found that I am sliding after stopping ECT. I had ECT from the end of May 2009 through October 2010. I don't have much in the way of side effects from it. I, and my psychiatrist, are considering starting it again. In the meantime she increased my Cymbalta from 30mg to 90mg. It is too bad that ECT doesn't agree with you. It can be very effective.

Hi melissa - so sorry you're feeling so bad! The only advice I can give is to weigh the pros and cons of your treatment and do the right thing for your well-being.

When I'm depressed, it's hard to remember why I bother to stick around. The only thing I do at all is to be here, trying to feel better.

What actually turned out to be the one thing to help me out of it was an unknown benefit of being glued to my computer. My screen saver is a slide show of my photos..once I sat doing nothing for long enough that the pictures started and I watched them for hours. Now I watch them deliberately and it really does make me feel better. I hope that helps! Sending you tons of hugs and depression lifting vibes....

Hi melissa.recovering; I'm sorry you're feeling down. For me when I'm feeling depressed I just force myslef to continue with my routine. It's difficult, but I find if I don't the depression becomes worse. I will continue to go to work, exercise, see my horse, get outside in the fresh air etc. It's an awful feeling not getting any joy out of things I normally enjoy, but I just remind myself that the depression will lift. Another treatment that helps me is the use of a SAD lamp. It really makes a difference for me.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

Thank you for your responses.

Anneinside - Thanks for your response. I too regret that ECT affects me both positively and negatively. I wish it was all positive. I would start ECT in a second if it didn't cause the nausea/vomiting.

PT52 - Thank you for your kind words and suggestions.

blueoctober - Thanks for your advice and kind words. I will try to stick to a routine...I know all too well that when I stop doing things, I feel a lot more depressed. I've also considered getting an SAD lamp too...I've heard great things!

Hi Melissa, here is the website that I got my SAD lamp from:

http://www.northernlighttechnologies.com/

I have the travelite model.

The others have given some great suggestions that I agree with. For me I get an appt with my pdoc, and we modify meds to increase ADs. sometimes i wont go to my T, but if it gets to bad I will call him or have an appt. I have friends who will listen when I need it.
I try to give myself a break when things get too hard, but try to do as much as I can, especially of things I enjoy.
With T, it is the best thing I have done, learning about how and why I react in certain ways. I find it works best when I'm in a normal (or elevated!!!) mood. In the mean time, I would suggest finding a self help work book and working through it could be worthwhile... Anyone have any suggestions???
And.....keep well

a self help book is a great idea. It sucks you cannot get a therapist... but wouldn't there be another group which works better for you?

Are you able to do yoga, meditation, matras...some of these? They have been incredibly helpful to some... learning to rewire the thinking is hard... but rewarding in many ways.

Do you have any coping mechanisms that seem to work for you?

self-help: I'm doing the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook..kind of sporadically, but it does help. Another that I've read repeatedly from long before my diagnosis is Life 101. It is the essence of all self-help books in one neat package. I'm on my third copy.

((((((((Melissa))))))))) I don't really have anything to add to the great suggestions everyone else has made, but I just wanted to leave you a hug I'm really sorry it didn't work out with the ECT because of the side effects. That sucks. Do you think it's worth trying one of those anti-nausea drugs to see if that makes any difference???

At any rate, I totally agree with all the suggestions the others have made here. I think regular exercise is especially important. I can't think of a self-help book off the top of my head that I would recommend. I've read quite a few and they all become a bit of a blur after a while!!! But I will have a look in my "library" later and I'll definitely let you know if any book in particular leaps off the shelf at me.

Wishing you all the very best (((((((((((Melissa))))))))))))))))

I have a work-book and also a reference book I'm reading at the moment. I also have a biography I'm reading to get more insight.
I try keep myself occupied or sleep when I am depressed. I know it's not easy
I cannot comment on ECT and its effects
I wish there was something I could do to take this pain away from you - really