Bipolar 2 -- personal experiences please?

I have a long history with depression among other things. I'm currently in therapy and a few weeks ago my therapist said she's been thinking I could possibly be bipolar 2. While it's something I have thought about, I keep going back to no I really don't think I am.

I have a few family members who are bipolar, and two of my siblings are.

Anyway, it seems that my "mania" is more severe anxiety and irritability. I also have shopping issues which I do when I'm in my up moods. Then I crash. Sometimes I can go days with bad anxiety and being highly irritable and some days I can switch back and forth in the same day.

I'm currently on Celexa and am on the highest dose, I want to go off my meds again. I hate being on them and I hate that I'm taking something that doesn't seem to make any difference.

I guess I'm just confused, frustrated and have reached my breaking point. I'm kind of scared to bring some of my feelings up to my therapist because she has thought about having me hospitalized and I refuse. I'm scared if I tell her how low I'm feeling again that she will force it. She told me recently that during my first session with her she thought I needed to be hospitalized but decided to wait it out and she thinks I've improved, which I have from where I was... I've now written a novel and I'm sure this makes zero sense.

I want to know how others cycle and what they had to go through to find a diagnosis.

Finding my diagnoses of Bipolar was slightly easy. I told my doctor exactly how I was feeling and what I was experiencing and he diagnosed me and it was the right diagnoses and I have been thankful ever since. From then on it was just a process of finding the right Bipolar medication to be on. I flew through them and have been finally placed on Depakote (1000mg) and Abilify (15mg). My cycles can range from fast to slow ones that can last weeks. They usually are accompanied by shopping sprees on my highs like you mentioned and anxiety and irritability like you mentioned. But my lows are very low after I drop from those highs. I can cycle through these in the matter of hours as well. I hope this helps you out a little J Best of luck.

JustWannaDisappear I was diagnosed at 31, but have had symptoms since I was 8. My diagnosis came when I was found attempting and I was committed to a Psychiatric Hospital for major depression. By the 2nd week I was manic.

Prior to me being diagnosed, the hypomania normally presented as me being highly driven. It could also turn into irritability. I explained away the depression as burnout.

I would suggest tracking your mood. I use this online tracker http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker When you refer to a therapist is this a Psychiatrist? If it isn't I would suggest speaking to a Psychiatrist. It's also important to be completely honest with your doctor(s). I suffered in silence and told no one how I was feeling. Learn from my mistake.

My diagnosis was obvious in hindsight (walking around the roof of an 8 story building among other things) but was about 7 years after the onset of my BP. I asked for a referral to a pdoc, got asked a heap of questions, got diagnosed and then put on meds. It took a long time to get the right med combo, but now things are good.
Here is a good website to take an online test: Black dog institute self test

My "mania" is the same. Some times it presents as extreme happiness but not very often. Most of the time I get really angy and yell at everyone.

i just want to say that it is possible for the brain to heal, and the moods to just taper off,, but if you find meds help, then that is good. you might read my post in the Alternative Therapies forum, posted in early october, about CenterPointe auditory technology... best wishes~~ and

Was horribly horribly depressed, fits of tearfulness crying..suicidal thoughts....went to get some help since i was going to lose my job due to me never wanting to leave my house. I was perscribed celexa just like you..and it made me EXTREAMLY manic...like..spending thousands..i felt invincible..unstoppable and happy...but i would snap at the blink of an eye. I told my pdoc and she said that anti depressants can cause mania in folks with bipolar...so she prescribed a mood stabilizer (abilify) that helped alot. I was happy...maybe a tad hypomanic..for a long time..but "happy"...for the most part...accept ..i couldnt...cry..or feel..really...so..like 2 weeks ago i had strep throat...followed by stomach flu...and it caused me to go off meds...i don't know how i feel about it...i do know however..that meds made a huge difference...and now i just have to decide whats best...(no feelings or anxiety)...and maybe (being a miserable ***** to my family or severing all contact with the outside world)...not much of a choice if you ask me

Ooooooh, yeah. Hear ya, BlackPup! Flippin' textbook case here. Still, went years and years w/o diagnosis. What ended up leading to the dx was going to a GP in the midst of a massive depressive phase. She prescribed ADs. BIG problem. In short, went through hell. Finally was properly diagnosed by a Pdoc. Learning about BPII was like reading my life story. It wasn't "like", it WAS.

Mood stabilizing med made a very big difference. In terms of cycling, I can flip-switch quite quickly, but overall, the states last much longer, especially depression. Longest hypomania (since knowing what it is, lol!) was about a month and a half. Most much shorter. Depression... it's hard to say, though many went on for months and months, there were also 3 years when the vast majority of time was spent there. (So, as you can imagine, I laugh at the 4 days and 2 weeks criteria! ) In terms of quick switch-flips, I almost don't even think of those as the same as the others. How to describe it? I think of it like... depression _or_ hypomania_or_ "bouncing" (my word, obviously not technical!). (The other option being "even" of course, though I barely knew it before meds.) I can suddenly plunge into despair or be flipping off the walls, but that is not a constant state of affairs for me.

Blueoctober is right in recommending keeping a mood tracker. I've been keeping one for quite awhile now. Huge help, in that I have an absolutely horrible sense of time. It helps to have it right there in black and white as a reference, especially in terms of how long phases go and the things that can affect them.

JustWannaDisappear,

My story starts with a few episodes of depression through college and early grad school. Maybe a high score or two on the bipolar scale questionaires that made me and my psychiatrist wonder whether I was bipolar II. I found some stability with effexor and risperdal. But then one spring came the drinking; it got heavier and heavier and the next thing I know I am this tightly wound ball of anxiety and irritability and my wife is telling me she doesn't recognize me and if I don't shape up she is gone and I'm so unable to get a grip on it I don't care what she says. It went on for a couple of weeks before letting up. These episodes, sometimes with drinking, others without, kept recurring. I changed psychiatrists for insurance reasons and after seeing him a year he says, you know what, I think these are mixed episodes and you have Bipolar I. So now I take lithium and newly abilify and live with these deep doubts over the diagnosis. You see, I have spent time as a student on psych wards and have seen the worst of what bipolar mania can be. But I'm not that bad, so I wonder how can the diagnosis be, you know?

Tell your therapist what you are thinking. Open communication is the only way to make it work, because meds alone won't do it for you.

I had my first recognized depression at 16yrs, and as far as I can remember, about one a year since.
Hypomanias have also occurred regularly, with happy mood, ideas, initiative, productivity, grandiosity. -just great. I did some stupid things in grandiosity, but no harm.
I have considered myself healthy, and mood swings a thing to cope.

When I consulted a pdoc 3 yrs ago for adhd i realised that the incentive was current hypomania - just knew.
Hypomanias bring creativity, self confidence, flow of ideas, pleasant mood and high activity for maybe 4-6 weeks. Then I often crash down into a middle to severe depression for about 4 weeks, withe fatigue, stagnant head, no fun, no good, isolation, no desire to stay alive ---.
I have always lived according to the recommendations for bipolars - maybe that has made me able to stay in work all the time, and nobody reacting. Self disiplin and heavy mental effort as well.
So good not needing that any longer. Lamictal renewed my life.

My hypomania is like yours. My docs are still deciding if it's BP I or II, or even a bit of Borderline PD added.
I started with sever depression.
Please try and trust your T - it's the one person you can trust. And it's imperative that she knows the full story to be able to fully help you. She'll never do anythint o your detriment - she's there to help

Reading your post brought such a sense of relief in me. That probably sounds rude, but it feels like you were describing my experiences. It feels like someone understands.

I have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, although they are not sure quite which type yet. I have always told everyone "but I don't get manic!" because I thought mania was only euphoria, flying off the walls etc. Now I have had described to me that hypomania and mania (to a degree) doesn't have to be happy . Severe anxiety and irritability, being very very focused and driven at times and not being able to stand being in your own skin or standing still for too long can be hypomania/mania.

I've had a long list of diagnoses and have cycled through most kinds of medications until I was put on Lithium (7 years before I was officially diagnosed) and experienced quite a lot of stability and relief. Suddenly, everything wasn't constantly spinning and I could benefit from other kinds of therapies.

Please hang in there and thank you again. It did me a world of good to read your post.

Mia

My manic episodes are also mostly anxiety and irritability. At different points in my life I've handled it in different ways - shopping, cutting, sex, dangerous thrills. Now I handle it by running. I tell people that running is a lot like cutting - it's painful, it's hard on your body, people think you're crazy for doing it. The upside is that it's healthy, socially acceptable and there are actually competitions to see who's the craziest.

Right not my medication cocktail is paxil, wellbutrin and clonopin as needed. I use to take the clonopin all the time, but the running has really helped. I also use mindfulness breathing when I start to spin and feel manic. It slows me down enough to say "okay, you're manic right now. What can you do that's healthy?" Then I usually run. Unless it's the middle of the night and then I clean the house. Occassionaly it's back to cutting or trying the rubber band snapping trick.

I had a hard time accepting the diagnosis, but the more I learn about bipolar II, the more I know it's the right diagnosis. I haven't been able to take lamictal or abilify b/c I have ulcerative colitis and they gave me recurrences. The antidepressants help to combat the severe lows of bipolar II and the colitis.
I took risperidol for a while, but all I did was sleep. I could never build up a tolerance. Seriously slept all the time on that stuff.

We all react differently to medication and everyone usuallly has slightly different cocktail, but once you find what works try not to mess with it. Doctors are super trendy and always want to switch you to the latest and greatest drug, but don't let them. Stick with what works.

Best

My story is very the much the same as most here. I spent a LONG time thinking it was depression. After talking to my pdoc and having tried all anti depressants and have them NOT work she has diagnosed me as Bipolar II. I was very conflicted about this. I came home, went online and started reading. The more stories I read from people such as yourself the better I felt. I was not alone. I am still somewhat conflicted but after learning I can see it all in me. The Mania- NO the HYPOmania- absolutely. My advice read up educate yourself and defiantly be honest with your doctor.

Good luck

You sound a lot like me. I ran up thousands of dollars in bills by shopping during college. Didn't care about paying it back. I'm looking at bankruptcy now because of it.

I can remember feeling depressed back when I was about 15. It's been a problem ever since. Tried numerous antidepressants that pooped out within 6 months to a year. The anxiety kicked in a few years ago. It ruined my career and just recently I admitted that my bipolar got me fired. (the highs and lows just made for way too much swing in my work quality)

If the meds aren't working, try a new one. I agree with Vita. Lamictal changed my life. The only problem with me is I had a reaction to it and had to stop. But talk to your t or get a psychiatrist for meds.

Good luck and don't give up!!!!

Running....I think maybe you've inspired me to start running. I'm out of shape and need a release. I started smoking again....maybe I should replace it with running.

I first acknowledged depression at age 11 - that was when I was first suicidal. I can't say for sure about things before then, but I certainly had large chunks of childhood where I did not feel happy at all.

My "ups" aren't typically euphoric - well, they are for me, but there's still usually quite a bit of "I'm not good enough" still inside. But my self-esteem will be higher than normal for my own scale. I typically get a lot more chatty, social, and busy. I'll start new projects and then not find the time to work on them. I'll go on cleaning sprees. I'll keep myself booked up and busy. I'll drink more because I'm out more. Sometimes I am reallllly easy to get annoyed. When I do get myself focused on something, I won't stop until I'm done with it. I'll miss meals because I'm busy doing whatever it is. I'll have lots of energy even if I'm not sleeping much at all - and I find it difficult to follow the rules I've got set in place for myself.