[malapp1]

When an un-medicated person who suffers from BP has delusions, do they remember the actual facts or only the delusions. I asked this because my wife has BP and recently has suffered nunerous delusions. Her last set have all but ruined us. I wonder if when she cycles out of the manic phase, what will she remember, what really took place or what she thought took place.

In a few day's, she is being charged with serious domestic violence charges. Assuming she is still in the manic phase, will she continue the attacks. It is amazing to me that a person who suffers from theis condition can be so normal to most people and yet so aggresive toward the one who loves her the most. Can any one expand on that please

[Ryask]

I assume since she is in custody, if this is the case the real blessing here is that she will be given medication and that she is no longer a danger to anyone.In my experience she will remember a little bit of both, some delusion...she will realize was delusional thinking, and some she will think was absolute fact. This is only if she is medicated though, if she is not she is likely to continue on with delusional thinking...and with attacks. I'm really sorry to hear of your situation, it really breaks my heart, and i cant even imagine how you must be feeling. I dont know if your religious, or if you will be offended but i am really going to pray for your situation, and your family and i hope you dont mind me sending a hug your way.
Please keep us posted, and feel free to post your concerns, i sure worry about you, if your the one she attacked, no one should have to go through that

[blueoctober]

It really depends on how serious the manic episode was, but for some people that have experienced Psychotic breaks during a manic episode he or she don't recall anything that happened.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by malapp1

When an un-medicated person who suffers from BP has delusions, do they remember the actual facts or only the delusions. I asked this because my wife has BP and recently has suffered nunerous delusions. Her last set have all but ruined us. I wonder if when she cycles out of the manic phase, what will she remember, what really took place or what she thought took place.

In a few day's, she is being charged with serious domestic violence charges. Assuming she is still in the manic phase, will she continue the attacks. It is amazing to me that a person who suffers from theis condition can be so normal to most people and yet so aggresive toward the one who loves her the most. Can any one expand on that please

Thank-you so much and please, pray away, I need all the help I can get. She is currently not in custoday. However, on Monday, she will likely be locked up for five day's and then she will have to enter an intervention program. I will be meeting the DA prior to the hearing and I have the "Baker Act" forms completed. Its anyone's guess as to what the judge will do. I feel so bad for all who suffer from this terrible disease. I know it is not her but, the damage she has done makes it near impossible to carry on. I do love her but I just can't fathom her being able to deal with the guilt if she does remember. Oh, she is NOT medicated.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by blueoctober

It really depends on how serious the manic episode was, but for some people that have experienced Psychotic breaks during a manic episode he or she don't recall anything that happened.

Does that mean she won't remember anything, how can that be? Its been nearly three weeks and she continues with the delusions. I assume that is because she is not medicated. Thank-you so much for your response.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by malapp1

Does that mean she won't remember anything, how can that be? Its been nearly three weeks and she continues with the delusions. I assume that is because she is not medicated. Thank-you so much for your response.

I have not experienced this myself because I haven't had a full blown manic episode, but from what I have read this can happen. A person with bipolar can still experience symptoms even when on medication. I still do and have been on medication since I was diagnosed in 2007. My symptoms aren't as severe as they were prior to being diagnosed, but I definitely still experience them.

It's a difficult disease for those diagnosed; their family, friends and significant others. The book in my signature is written for spouses, family members of those diagnosed. It's excellent and may help you. Please remember to take care of yourself and reach out to your support network.

[Ryask]

Originally Posted by malapp1

Thank-you so much and please, pray away, I need all the help I can get. She is currently not in custoday. However, on Monday, she will likely be locked up for five day's and then she will have to enter an intervention program. I will be meeting the DA prior to the hearing and I have the "Baker Act" forms completed. Its anyone's guess as to what the judge will do. I feel so bad for all who suffer from this terrible disease. I know it is not her but, the damage she has done makes it near impossible to carry on. I do love her but I just can't fathom her being able to deal with the guilt if she does remember. Oh, she is NOT medicated.

Well then the program she enters will most likely connect her with both medication and therapy. I know one can not know for sure what the judge will do, but i'm really hoping for her sake that he makes her participate in mandatory therapy.I suppose people are different...maybe some remember..and some do not..and still others may remember partial events.I think your last statement speaks volumes about you as a person, after all the hurt she has actually caused you and your family, you still worry about if she will feel badly if she remembers. She's lucky to have had you in her life, whether or not she knows it.I am praying for a good outcome. Please keep us posted.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by Ryask

Well then the program she enters will most likely connect her with both medication and therapy. I know one can not know for sure what the judge will do, but i'm really hoping for her sake that he makes her participate in mandatory therapy.I suppose people are different...maybe some remember..and some do not..and still others may remember partial events.I think your last statement speaks volumes about you as a person, after all the hurt she has actually caused you and your family, you still worry about if she will feel badly if she remembers. She's lucky to have had you in her life, whether or not she knows it.I am praying for a good outcome. Please keep us posted.

Thank-you. I can tell you something for certain. It is one thing to get treated and fight back another, to deny and run. I applaud you. This is a horrible disease for all who it touches. I still love her even though she refuses treatment. I am sure your family will love you too.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by Ryask

Well then the program she enters will most likely connect her with both medication and therapy. I know one can not know for sure what the judge will do, but i'm really hoping for her sake that he makes her participate in mandatory therapy.I suppose people are different...maybe some remember..and some do not..and still others may remember partial events.I think your last statement speaks volumes about you as a person, after all the hurt she has actually caused you and your family, you still worry about if she will feel badly if she remembers. She's lucky to have had you in her life, whether or not she knows it.I am praying for a good outcome. Please keep us posted.

This is without question the "rock and hard place." Regardless of what anyone does it is still up to her to accept it. I am so confused by this, she has to know something is wrong. She has read volumes on this subject and she knows it is genetic. I guess the worst delusion of all is that "I am well."

[BlackPup]

Praying for you and your family. for me, understanding what is real and not has come slowly with the benefit of hindsight, however, I have never been as manic as your description of your wife. To be honest I don't know what she will remember and how she will deal with it. It will be a huge challenge regardless of if she remembers the reality or delusions.

You are very wise in understanding the difficulties of accepting and fighting against BP. Thank you for your understanding. I am sure that if your wife was well, she would thank you also. She is very lucky to have you.

Listen to Beth (blueoctober) when she says to look after yourself and education such as reading books and internet research may help you understand what is going on in your wife's illness.

this forum is a great place to ask questions and get support during tough times, I hope it helps you as it has helped me.

Sorry this reply is so long... I got carried away

[sugahorse1]

I hope the correct intervention can take place, and she can be helped - for the sake of both of you

[Topher]

I can remember many events that occurred while manic, although the memories can be distorted. I would imagine she would remember many of the violent acts, and I hope would show remorse upon recovery. Most of the impulsive things I did and said while in manic delusions I do not recall. My family and spouse seem to know I am out of my mind and do not expect me to apologize for things I can't remember. Unfortunately some of the most inappropriate things I have done are exaggerated expressions of things I actually felt inside. I lose my filter when manic. Other craziness has no explanation other that loose associations, grandiosity, paranoia, and a racing brain.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by Topher

I can remember many events that occurred while manic, although the memories can be distorted. I would imagine she would remember many of the violent acts, and I hope would show remorse upon recovery. Most of the impulsive things I did and said while in manic delusions I do not recall. My family and spouse seem to know I am out of my mind and do not expect me to apologize for things I can't remember. Unfortunately some of the most inappropriate things I have done are exaggerated expressions of things I actually felt inside. I lose my filter when manic. Other craziness has no explanation other that loose associations, grandiosity, paranoia, and a racing brain.

Thank-you so much for your reply, she is not medicated and under a tremendous amount of stress. My concern is that she won’t address the delusions or her actions. Her daughter is in a facility now, my God, it would seem that she would understand that this is genetic. I have heard her say that she feels like she has lost years of her life. Prozac was the only medication she was ever on. Problem is she drank excessively when people were not looking. If alcohol wasn’t available, she would smoke pot. I guess all the self-medicating was not a successful replacement for therapy.
I worry that when or if she ever comes out of her delusional state, she may hurt herself. I just cannot believe she could live with herself after what she has done. I am so scared!

[Topher]

I was in and out of the hospital, falling flat on my face every time I came close to finding a direction in life. Then my son was born and I was in the State Hospital. Even manic I decided I would accept taking lithium so that I could get off the roller coaster. I went 25 years on lithium without a relapse until two years ago when my mother died. I was careless with my meds and ended up in the hospital again. I'm stable again. I hope your wife somehow accepts her illness and gets the help she obviously needs.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by malapp1

Thank-you so much for your reply, she is not medicated and under a tremendous amount of stress. My concern is that she won’t address the delusions or her actions. Her daughter is in a facility now, my God, it would seem that she would understand that this is genetic. I have heard her say that she feels like she has lost years of her life. Prozac was the only medication she was ever on. Problem is she drank excessively when people were not looking. If alcohol wasn’t available, she would smoke pot. I guess all the self-medicating was not a successful replacement for therapy.
I worry that when or if she ever comes out of her delusional state, she may hurt herself. I just cannot believe she could live with herself after what she has done. I am so scared!

Hi, malapp1..it seems as if everyone here has addressed some of the practical steps your wife needs to take. The only thing I will add regarding treatment is your comment here regarding Prozac; having been the Prozac only route, I can tell you that it actually triggers manic phases: the alcohol and pot would likely have dulled that some.

What I'd really like to say is I hope you can find a way to, first, move past the "whys" that are not helping her needs now. Particularly the "why didn't she understand?" I can tell you why, but it's really best to let that one go; there is no answer and it's not helping either of you to focus on that.

Secondly, she will probably not be able to acknowledge anything until she's had treatment, and treatment starts with meds. They don't fix it, but they make treatment possible.

She will eventually be aware of all her actions, even the ones she might not remember will be addressed in therapy. And she will hate herself for it. As the one person that loves her the most, please, please find a way to not judge her. You said she feels like she's lost years of her life; help her hang on to the ones ahead by being an active participant in her treatment and forgiving her (and yourself) for what is in the past.

It is one thing to get treated and fight back another, to deny and run. I applaud you. This is a horrible disease for all who it touches. I still love her even though she refuses treatment.

She is refusing treatment because she needs treatment..
sorry for sounding a bit touchy; I've been there. I denied it for a long time, too, with all the evidence right in front of me. I'm going to be 53 in a couple of weeks, and only admitted that I needed real help this past summer. So I know it can get better.

So, yeah, never allow a situation where anyone is in physical danger. But try to love her more than you hate the illness that she has.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by PT52

Hi, malapp1..it seems as if everyone here has addressed some of the practical steps your wife needs to take. The only thing I will add regarding treatment is your comment here regarding Prozac; having been the Prozac only route, I can tell you that it actually triggers manic phases: the alcohol and pot would likely have dulled that some.

What I'd really like to say is I hope you can find a way to, first, move past the "whys" that are not helping her needs now. Particularly the "why didn't she understand?" I can tell you why, but it's really best to let that one go; there is no answer and it's not helping either of you to focus on that.

Secondly, she will probably not be able to acknowledge anything until she's had treatment, and treatment starts with meds. They don't fix it, but they make treatment possible.

She will eventually be aware of all her actions, even the ones she might not remember will be addressed in therapy. And she will hate herself for it. As the one person that loves her the most, please, please find a way to not judge her. You said she feels like she's lost years of her life; help her hang on to the ones ahead by being an active participant in her treatment and forgiving her (and yourself) for what is in the past.

She is refusing treatment because she needs treatment..
sorry for sounding a bit touchy; I've been there. I denied it for a long time, too, with all the evidence right in front of me. I'm going to be 53 in a couple of weeks, and only admitted that I needed real help this past summer. So I know it can get better.

So, yeah, never allow a situation where anyone is in physical danger. But try to love her more than you hate the illness that she has.

I am so lost, I just don't know what to do. Because she did not show up in court, the judge issued a warrant for her arrest. After she cost me my job, I asked for an injuction which was originally denied. After the District Attorney got involved, she sent me to victim assistance. In Florida, it is mandatory that the abused also get help. Because the pictures of what she did to me are so serious, the judge issued the injunction.

Now, I can't talk to her either. This is without doubt a hugh mess. I do not blame her for anything. I know it is a disease and I am probably as guilty as she is of denial. I love her and I knew she had problems when I met her. I really have no body to blame.

I was once in the hospital for 13 months. I had a serious car accident and broke everything. I was very lucky to live through it. My, now deceased, wife, stood by me all the way as I did through her cancer. I know it is easier to withdraw but I either can't or don't want to.

This is so painful, I can only emagine what she is going through. What I don't know is what does she feel, she is un-medicated and I am sure she is drinking and smoking dope with her son. Do you think she is still in a delusional state. I don't know if she wants to contact me and is scared to do so. I am absolutely over taken with the emotional "what if's."

The counselor told me that I can't help her. She said that this will just continue to repeat itself over and over again until she is medicated and in therapy. It sounds like everyone has givin up on her accept me and I am legally bound to not do anything. If and when she does come out of the delusions, I truely fear that she will do something to hurt herself.

[Moose72]

I know this is hard. I'm bp1 and unmedicated I would probably be in the same place. When you get sick like this you really aren't right. The brain betrays you. It really does. She needs love and hospitalization and meds and more love.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I know this is hard. I'm bp1 and unmedicated I would probably be in the same place. When you get sick like this you really aren't right. The brain betrays you. It really does. She needs love and hospitalization and meds and more love.

Thank you for your response. I don't know the difference between the BP diagnosis. I guess my question is, do you not need meds and if so is it because you are in therapy. After my car accident, I had a really serious panic attack. I remember it today. It was very scary for me.

Once again, I applaud you and everyone else who is dealing with any of these horrible diseases. Acceptance has got to be a very difficult thing to do.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by malapp1

Thank you for your response. I don't know the difference between the BP diagnosis. I guess my question is, do you not need meds and if so is it because you are in therapy. After my car accident, I had a really serious panic attack. I remember it today. It was very scary for me.

Once again, I applaud you and everyone else who is dealing with any of these horrible diseases. Acceptance has got to be a very difficult thing to do.

I am on lithium. If I miss a dose or two, I get manic or dysregulated moods. I've tried depakote and four antipsychotics and quit all because of side effects. The lithium I like.

BP1 has mania and psychosis but BP2 does not.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I am on lithium. If I miss a dose or two, I get manic or dysregulated moods. I've tried depakote and four antipsychotics and quit all because of side effects. The lithium I like.

BP1 has mania and psychosis but BP2 does not.

You seem so aware. That truely amazes me. What was it that made you decide to do something. I'm sorry for prying, its just that if you did, why wouldn't everyone.

I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

[BlackPup]

Originally Posted by malapp1

You seem so aware. That truely amazes me. What was it that made you decide to do something. I'm sorry for prying, its just that if you did, why wouldn't everyone.

I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

The reason I take meds if that the depression is so bad that I can't live without them.
The reasons why I regularly stop taking them are:
For me the highs are great cos I have BPII so I get less of the nasties with the highs
It can really be hard to let go of the good times and alot of BPers find that they lose some of their creativity on meds
the meds often have horrible side effects: weight gain, nausea, drowsey, dull, difficulty concentrating....
It is also a symptom of the disease to believe that you don't need meds or that they are causing the problems...

Hope this helps you understand... and your not prying

[PT52]

I'm BPII - I have hypomania (no delusions), but the depression is more severe. And like BlackPup said, it's a catch 22 - if you need meds, you don't think you need them; if you're on meds, you can easily convince yourself that you don't need them. There isn't a cut and dried answer to why or when someone decides they need help; each one is different. Just because she doesn't want help now doesn't mean that it won't change.

Originally Posted by malapp1

I am so lost, I just don't know what to do. Because she did not show up in court, the judge issued a warrant for her arrest. After she cost me my job, I asked for an injuction which was originally denied. After the District Attorney got involved, she sent me to victim assistance. In Florida, it is mandatory that the abused also get help. Because the pictures of what she did to me are so serious, the judge issued the injunction.

Now, I can't talk to her either. This is without doubt a hugh mess. I do not blame her for anything. I know it is a disease and I am probably as guilty as she is of denial. I love her and I knew she had problems when I met her. I really have no body to blame.

I was once in the hospital for 13 months. I had a serious car accident and broke everything. I was very lucky to live through it. My, now deceased, wife, stood by me all the way as I did through her cancer. I know it is easier to withdraw but I either can't or don't want to.

This is so painful, I can only emagine what she is going through. What I don't know is what does she feel, she is un-medicated and I am sure she is drinking and smoking dope with her son. Do you think she is still in a delusional state. I don't know if she wants to contact me and is scared to do so. I am absolutely over taken with the emotional "what if's."

The counselor told me that I can't help her. She said that this will just continue to repeat itself over and over again until she is medicated and in therapy. It sounds like everyone has givin up on her accept me and I am legally bound to not do anything. If and when she does come out of the delusions, I truely fear that she will do something to hurt herself.

The counselor is right. It's really hard to feel there is nothing you can do. And admitting that you can't help her is not giving up on her. Like being an alcoholic, it sometimes takes hitting rock bottom before someone will admit they need help. And the hardest thing to accept is that there is no guarantee that everything will work out. Maybe if she does have to spend time in the system, they will be able to get her the help she needs.

The what-ifs are tough, no doubt. But you have to take care of yourself first. The thing is, she's an adult; even ill, she will still have to accept the consequences of her actions and make her own choices. And it's clear that you love her very, very much; maybe it's a good thing for now that you can't talk to her. Maybe it will give you both a chance to heal.

Hope that helps.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by malapp1

You seem so aware. That truely amazes me. What was it that made you decide to do something. I'm sorry for prying, its just that if you did, why wouldn't everyone.

I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

For one, I am fairly stable right now. Second, I've been diagnosed for a bit over four years. I've been working on learning when I'm having mania, hypo mania, mixed episode etc, I might be completely out-of-it but I've had practice knowing the cues - and then call my dr.

I've had times when I either didn't realize what was going on or I enjoyed the mania and it's derealization so I co tonued with it- didn't answer my phone and wandered the world aimlessly. I've hallucinated- aurally and visually, and wanted to stay unwell. Eventually, I got to where those episodes got worse- not fun anymore. And each time I had an episode, it w'S worse than the time before. I had to choose to get healthy. You can get into real trouble when manic- buying sprees, risky sex, thinking you can fly off balconies....

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by malapp1

You seem so aware. That truely amazes me. What was it that made you decide to do something. I'm sorry for prying, its just that if you did, why wouldn't everyone.

I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

forgot to answer ....

Do you mean decide to do something as in see someone for having bipolar?

In my case, Id had episodes previously, but it wasn't until I went wandering in a derealization and depersonalization state and hallucinating people who "disappeared" that I went to my GP. I was then diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder and put on celexa, an antidepressant. This threw me into mania. I got a new pdoc and eventually was diagnosed. But my other pdoc six months earlier knew full well I was having horrid hallucinations and still put me on celexa! it's not easy getting diagnosed.

[malapp1]

Originally Posted by BlackPup

The reason I take meds if that the depression is so bad that I can't live without them.
The reasons why I regularly stop taking them are:
For me the highs are great cos I have BPII so I get less of the nasties with the highs
It can really be hard to let go of the good times and alot of BPers find that they lose some of their creativity on meds
the meds often have horrible side effects: weight gain, nausea, drowsey, dull, difficulty concentrating....
It is also a symptom of the disease to believe that you don't need meds or that they are causing the problems...

Hope this helps you understand... and your not prying

As I read these posts, I sit and wonder just how difficult it must be to keep an inventory of the emotions felt. I think I am starting to understand at least part of this. It is not easy to understand. In a way, I feel like I have been married to a ghost. That ghost being her disease. What I really wonder is, was there really any love there or was I just part of the psychosis.
You are able to recognize the signs of the severe emotional swings. So, you take your medication and fight your way through. Hence the terms “keep on swimming.” Kudos to you for doing so, I know that all I have done is sit here and play the part of a victim. I guess that is just part of the whole mess the disease can cause. Trying to keep a clear perspective is hard. Those of us who claim victim status are a victim of the disease not their partner.
Separation of what is real and what is not is as difficult for me as it must be for those who suffer from the delusions. I am really worried that I am about to give up. I am starting to feel that way. Part of me wants to get on a plane and go find her. Another part just keep’s saying let her go.
I took some of the personality test available. I guess in one sense, I am looking for something that I did to make this happen. All I really found out is that I am not a quitter and that probably explains why I don’t want to give up.
Oh my, this is really a tough spot for all of us.