[wifethatwas0102]

I guess I should have asked this before my other post.

When you are depressed, or manic, do you go through stages of not loving anymore? You kids, your family, your s/o? Do you lose your feelings?

DH plummeted for the second time in 3 months, and both times now he told me he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't feel in love....But last time, after a week or two, he leveled out and came home and was head over heels again.

Please share you story!!!

[CesarioRose]

Very much yes; that's a part of the major depressive side of our disorder. Some go as far as to self harm to confirm to them selves they still can feel. I don't go that far (yet at least, *crosses fingers*) I use other means to confirm i still feel, which is more common, like crying from psychological pain, or perceived physical pain.

Or do you mean apathy where you just don't care, or cant care enough to care to feel?

This is a tough question to answer as there are many layers.

I've never experienced pure Mania, or Psychosis, but I have gone the other end very deep, and have become very numb. Even with my parents holding my hands, and telling me they loved me, i could not even fathom that to be possible. In the altered state of mind, it cannot process the very notion that an emotion can exist. I have even gone as far as dissociated from the stress of either perceived pain, or real psych pain, or stress in general from life, and sudden become numb from feeling. Again, altered states of mind, and tunnel vision.

Very complex stuff.

[wifethatwas0102]

well, as i said, my DH could literally pinpoint that yes, he loved me last Tuesday when we shared a special romantic moment. But that he "no longer has feelings for me" and is debating whether to leave me.

This is the second time he has gone through this, and as he came out of his "darkness" last time, he came home and was the same loving man. The emotions he showed for me didn't seem fake-able. Tears of joy, deep heart felt moments of love. When I asked him what made him "fall back in love" last time, he said nothing happened. It just was.

Its only day 3 this time since he told me, so I don't know what will happen. I'm trying to encourage him not to do any decision making, as I don't feel he is thinking rationally.

[CesarioRose]

It's a state of mind kind of affair, i'd imagine. But i'm not there; i cant feel the senses given off, so i am only going by your words. I mean, if you're looking for advice, keep the love on. Keep faith, and keep telling him you love him. I know it's really tough to watch, it's tough first person, too. This illness doesn't just effect the sufferer, but those around them, too.

Empathy is a pure cure for psych numbing. I mean, there are medical ways to stabilize moods of course.

But, keep faith, and keep loving him no matter what. I know this is tough.

[wifethatwas0102]

my goal is to go home and hug him (we haven't touched since the day before he said it....my birthday). I want to tell him, "I love you. I took vows when I married you that I would love you through sickness and through health. Your words hurt me, but deep downin my heart I don't believe them to be true. I truly believe this down will pass, and I will be here with you until it does. I'm here if you need me. I'll give you space if you ask for it. We can spent time as a family if you need it, or you can take evenings to youself if you want it. Share with me what you need, and I'll try my hardest to give it you and still love you."

That may be the hardest and most brave speech of my life. Wish me luck.

[kitty004567]

good luck

[Ryask]

I just want to say there has been times only in depression..where...i generally did not care one way or the other if i ever saw anyone ever again. My sisters,,,nieces, nephews and mother (who i am VERY close to) I felt..no love for them at all...not even a little bit...thats really a terrible thing...and even more terrible...i told them that they didn't really mean anything to me...and i didn't care to even see them again. So yeah it's definatly possible for someone to have no feelings of love whatsover....and then have that change with mood.

[Eloise42]

I have been so depressed that I couldn't stand to hear music because it was too emotional and I couldn't stand to have anyone touch me at all or I would totally shatter.

There have been times when I pushed away the people closest to me because I thought I wasn't in a good enough place for them or because I didn't feel worthy of being loved and sometimes because sub-consciously I irrationally resented that they couldn't heal my pain. Of course that was always when I needed them the most.

It's amazing how supportive you are of your partner and I know how hard that is sometimes. It's hard to tell when "go away" means exactly the opposite.

[sugahorse1]

I think it depends on the person and the state they are in.

When I am in a deep depression, I just want to be left alone. My life has no purpose, so I cannot possibly love anyone or anything. When I am in mild depression, I crave my boyfriend to be there for me. I love him so much, I can start to smother him.
When I become hypomanic, I become very self-confident and tend to pull away from my boyfriend. It's not that I no longer love him, I just am able to do things without being too dependant on him.

But ultimately my goal is to be stable and be able to have a healthy and consistent relationship.

Is your husband actively involved in getting himself better? Taking meds and interacting with his pdoc? Going for therapy? It needs to come from the person themselves if there is ever going to be any healing

[rdwebb]

When I am manic, I decide I no longer "need" my husband. I get irritated at everything he does. I imagine scenarios where he is cheating on me. I give myself "reason" not to love him, so that I can move on to my own agenda. When I come crashing down, at first I am so thankful he's still around and I am the most loving wife ever. Then as the depression gets deeper, I withdraw. There are times when I think it must really suck to be married to me. It can't be an easy thing to share your life like that. All I can tell you is to try to love him, but take care of yourself, too.

[wifethatwas0102]

Jackie-- he's been in counseling for a few months now. He has his intake appt with the pdoc on 2/10.

When he's stable, he's good. When he's at the start of a manic cycle (hypomanic) he's head over heels in love. He's cuddly, lovie dovie romantic. But the pattern I've seen so far is that fades into manic, which is very agitated an annoyed with everything and everyone, which fades into rage, and then depression. So in his annoyed stage, he starts nitpicking and picking for arguments, and reasons to be mad. Then he bottoms out.

On Monday, He told me he was considering leaving because he was unhappy and not in love anymore. I asked him about last week (he was very sweet, romantic, sappy last Tuesday). he said that was real, but now it was gone. That just seems outrageous to me. But he doesn't see it. But he also said he woke up one morning hating his life, his family, his wife, his job, himself and wanted to be left alone, but didn't want to be alone. (?)

[Trippin2.0]

When I am severely depressed, I'm apathetic, and it kills me to say this, but I went through a few weeks of self-harm,auditory hallucinations, suicidal thoughts and not caring about my 7 y.o daughter I told my Dr and was hospitalized immediately...

[Amazonmom]

I have never stopped feelings for my husband or daughter during an episode. I usually feel things deeper and with a desperate edge that makes me feel overwhelmed instead.