[rdwebb]

I often wonder where my friends went and then I remember, "hey stupid, your last manic episode pushed them all away". I had an affair with a friend of ten years. Ending that, of course, ended the friendship. It also ended friendships with most of my female friends that thought he was the best thing ever, since they thought my husband was a bad person for cheating on me sometimes, too.
The other "friends" I chose to cut out of my life were the ones that only like me when I'm manic. Apparently, I'm a lot of fun then, the party girl and the "I can do anything" girl! Whatever.
I'm left with one friend who can't talk about anything but herself and her issues, and one friend who's son was killed in a car crash and she rightfully deserves her own time to heal, so I don't bother her with my issues.
BiPolar can be a very lonely thing.

[MissMay1977]

Yes I have experience with " fair weather " friends. When I had a lucritive job at a Fortune 500 company, I had many friends. Now, that I am unemployed, my friends don't call or dont text as often and it seems they have forgot about me since I can't go out and party all the time.

Originally Posted by rdwebb

I often wonder where my friends went and then I remember, "hey stupid, your last manic episode pushed them all away". ..The other "friends" I chose to cut out of my life were the ones that only like me when I'm manic. Apparently, I'm a lot of fun then, the party girl and the "I can do anything" girl! Whatever.
I'm left with one friend who can't talk about anything but herself and her issues...BiPolar can be a very lonely thing.

I can honestly say I don't have any friends (except BF). Did in high school and college, until I had my first major depression, to the point I had to drop out, and that was the end of that. Over the years, any others it would only be accurate to call acquaintences. The very few times I started to think it might actually develop into a real friendship, it went away --moving, distance (not due to moving) etc., even death once. That one really broke my heart. In fact, it's making me cry now, and it's been years.

Can relate to the life of the party thing. Damn hilarious and boisterous. But with people who were very bad for me, and really not friends, more...drinking buddies. I always drank less and maybe it just made them feel they did too. Dunno. Or a small group who had one thing in common, but nothing else. Nothing to build on there. Ooooh, and the one-sided thing being the one whose only function was to listen to a drama llama? Yup.

Even before I (selectively) disclosed, this had been the pattern. After disclosing, this pattern bothered me even more. Depression has been the state disconnecting what tenuous ties even existed. They knew I had serious depressions yet never ever checked in (or the one to whom I became the disorder) when I disappeared, knowing full well the far most likely cause was depression, when I actually would've needed them. Fair weather indeed.

For me it's not just the BP, but being introverted and shy as well. Still, it can be very lonely. But just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the loneliness thing!
(Sorry for going on and on. It's not to but to express what seem like they might be common experiences.) Your post really struck a chord...)

Welcome to the forums rdwebb . Hope you find comfort and empathy here among those who understand, so you can feel less alone. )

[Ryask]

I can really relate to this, in fact..i don't have any friends, the only peoson i could possibly consider a friend is my sister and husband...but i am not sure if that counts...really. I used to have friends....but had a really really really long 4-5 year depression...i compleatly isolated myself from everyone and rarely left my house...after that...i found when i finally came out of it...i had no one in my life..met my husband online...been married for 6 years...i guess he's and my sister are my only...friends..i tell myself all the time that i don't need friends...not sure if it's true or not.

[Moose72]

I used to have trouble with friends in school. But now I'm apparently really funny. However, I have had to learn social cues because I would frequently find myself with reactions the opposite of what I expected and this really thew me for a loop - like I'd been put in another universe.

[Anneinside]

MissMay, I also thought I had friends at work. Once I went on disability, they disappeared. I have called one of them and had lunch...several years ago probably 6 months after I left work. He didn't seem interested in meeting with me again.

I have found 3 friends in the past 3 years but they are all needy or have only minimal contact. One of them that I haven't seen in a few months just called, not to talk with me but to ask me to fix his computer. (I will on Monday) The other two don't have cars and call me only when they want to go somewhere. I do like visiting with them but I have to be willing the be the one who is OK.

[Amura]

I just went on a leave from work to try to get my depression under control. I am BP, but have not had a manic episode for so long. Oh how I miss that some times. (Off track, sorry.)
I have been contacted by 2 people from work, one a gossip girl whom I am convinced was just trying to get the scoop. And one that I thought was a true friend, when I told her I was having a hard time and changing my meds her reply was only: "Oh that explains your previous sick call, I was really mad that I had to come for you."
How do you respond to that?
I did not have any 'friends' outside of work. I thought that the people I worked with were like family.
I have been devastated that no one has even made an attempt to reach out to me? Sounds like I am 'full of myself' when I put it like that... But shouldn't friends check in? When you are at a place where you can't reach out, shouldn't a friend offer you a hand?
Sometimes I think I expect too much of people. I don't know. I don't now why I can't seem to make or keep friends.
I get so jealous when I see girls together chatting it up having a good time.
I do feel very alone, and unlovable. I don't understand why I can't have intimate relationships?
I also get very angry at all my FB "FRIENDS", who are these people anyway? I have not posted any thing in a while, nobody noticed I was gone. Some times I feel like I could just drop off the face of the earth and no body would notice.
Ugg... Thank goodness for you all.

[sunshine285]

Wow. I can't believe that all this time, I thought there was some sort of defect in me...I had problems with friends throughout school and college, and after my first manic episode two years ago, I scared off a group of girlfriends who I believed had my back. I disappeared for months (had mania and a long depressive period) and they called me maybe once (I hadn't my phone on me) but didn't try beyond that or come see me. Two of them claimed to have driven past my house to "see if I was ok", but none of them bothered to really check if I was all right. I now have a handful of friends that I feel I can trust and rely on, but deep down, I'm afraid to let them know I am bipolar. I make up excuses when I'm so depressed I don't want to get out of bed, it's easier than having to explain to them and see the fear and repulsion on their faces when they discover I'm bipolar. I've only told one friend I'm bipolar and she's been great, probably because she has a brother who is mentally ill. I should be happy I do have a few friends who care, but at the back of my mind I fear I'll end up alone if I ever told them I am bipolar.

[rdwebb]

Wow is right. I thought I was the only one who had managed to wind up friendless. Apparently there are a lot of shallow, non-supportive people in the world that don't want to be friends with someone who might actually need a friend the most. Thank you all so much for making me feel better about this!

[Kymaro]

Ha, what an interesting thread. I so understand all of you. I'm married (18 yrs now - to a wonderfull, helpfull, understanding, supportive, bestfriend). Little off track there, but I feel all of my friends are only my friend because of my husband. They will call my husband regularly. They usual ask him "how is the wife" but never ask to talk to me. I get angry because if they were truely my friend why wouldnt they just call me. We will go out as couples every now and then but not often. I tried to call a few and keep contact, but they always sound distant talking to me. I've inquired with one, I thought was one of our closest friend, and she said "I just don't want to bother you on your bad days, and I just dont know what to say or do" At least she was honest, but I feel like I have a large scarlet letter on me.

[ayana95]

I don't have any friends except my fiance. I tend to isolate. I am very shy. All the friends I grew up with areliving their own lives. My family doesn't include me in their lives. I usually feel vey alone in this world.

[Kymaro]

Originally Posted by ayana95

I don't have any friends except my fiance. I tend to isolate. I am very shy. All the friends I grew up with areliving their own lives. My family doesn't include me in their lives. I usually feel vey alone in this world.

((HUG)) we have the WHOLE PC world. :-)