freshly diagnosed.....

Hi everyone,
I've been posting mostly in the psychotherapy forum, but have visited here from time to time, because I suspected I was BP. I especially suspected I was BP because I rode quite the wave of mania for about a week or so recently and only crashed down to earth after seeing a pdoc for the 1st time and starting a med. It was pretty clear to me for the 1st time that I was manic.....because I always thought I was mainly a depressive who felt sort of happy at times. And actually, though I was sort of scared by how exalted I felt, I thought, why is this so bad, exactly.....feeling like there is no gravity holding me down is better than feeling like gravity is 10x more than usual!
Now, I have seen a pdoc, a couple days ago and have indeed been diagnosed BP. Not BP2 as I thought, but BP1.....and borderline traits as well. Even though I certainly expected the BP diagnosis, and am not surprised really at the borderline, this is still somehow painful to take in, getting an official diagnosis (not to mention the pdoc made various deeply blunt, harsh comments that cut like hot, sharp swords ). So I am working on coming to terms with this and will probably be dropping in more now to visit here!

Hello! I hope you enjoy your time here. I'm also diagnosed Bipolar, but Bipolar - Not Otherwise Specified. I get depression, hypomania, and mixed episodes that fulfill the mania criteria. I'm sorry your psychiatrist made some insensitive comments

The pDoc insulted you? what on earth for? I mean my old D.O had called me out on a few of my insecurities when i thought they were delusions, and that cut like knifes in my heart. But that was after several sessions. My apologies if it seems nosey; i certainly do not wish to pry. But what did they say that upset you so?

To tell you the truth, I was suspected BP since i was a teen, but no clear diagnosis until about 3 months ago, and a not-so-clear diagnosis about 3 before that. The stigma I placed on my self still lingers, and it takes time to fully accept the diagnosis for what it is on the surface: a label. Nothing more, and nothing else. It's a label used by Psychiatrists to put clear definitions on clusters of symptoms related to specific defined mental disorders. I truly hope you come to a healthy and accepting perception of your self when you come to terms with the DX.

This is a life time journey. One that you don't have to take alone. Many people will always be at your side helping you through the many stages of episodes. Bipolar spectrum disorder takes form in many unique ways for people, and not everyone's experience is the same.

Welcome to the club.

Hello there. I was diagnosed three years ago but am only getting sufficient treatment for my bipolar now. I just started Lithium and it's finally hitting me that this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. But having a diagnosis helps, at least for me, because it brings you one step closer to living a healthy life without your moods, thoughts, and behavior all over the place. I hope everything works out and that you get the treatment you need.

Thanks for the welcome!
As for what he said that was especially cutting, he said that I had lived a charade my whole life, being someone I am not, wearing a mask that was not me....
and that I had no skills to manage BP without meds like some can...
and that I didn't have insight and he wasn't sure I could ever change, and if I did commit to it (which he doubted) it would be a long, hard road and my T had her work cut out for her!
Other things he said were very direct and cutting and he minced no words but I could take them because I could see the truth....these things were hurtful. But then I have realized I don't have to own all his words....and thankfully my T didn't think I had to own all of them either, especially the no insight thing!

Nobody, let alone a professional, should ever say those things! What a harsh, callous person! I sure hope you can find another dr!! YAY!! for your therapist!

If he said those things then he's an arse, and you can print that out and show it to him.

It is however possible that he was (in an overbearing way) suggesting possibilities to you which you took as fact. My first pdoc made comments which I initially interpreted as attacking me. Fortunately I wrote down what he said, and looked at it, two months later to discover that he wasn't actually attacking me at all. I had misinterpreted everything. This was deeply shameful for me to admit, and I still think he was a bit of a git (very grateful when he left the country and I got someone else instead) but I don't think he was attacking me as I thought he was.

He is an idiot!!!!
As for the mask - most people do to some extent..... and its not always a bad thing...
The conventional thinking is that we all have to manage BP with meds as therapy/skills alone are not enough....
Most people don't have insight when they are diagnosed and it is a long hard road for everyone (and who is he to say you won't commit to it - however unfortunately most people don't change)
So maybe he was just stupid in the way he said things that are generalities and made them about you rather than all of us...

Welcome poetgirl. The pdoc sounds like a bonehead. I hope you find this site supportive.

Thanks again for the support!
I decided about pdoc that he was right about some things and it hurt and ticked me off because they were right. Some things I can see he wasn't right about so much, and I don't have to take it all to heart as gospel truth. He was just blunt and a hard*** about most things. Direct is something I can handle, but direct with tact and a bit of gentleness would be nice....this was direct at knifepoint! Someone you've never seen in your life stripping you of your dignity and your (self)deceptions....hard to take. Grrrr!
And he's right, some important things I realize I don't have the insight about....like, for instance, I really had no clue how severely my mood shifted upward at times until this current mania. And then I only saw it because I had had a pronounced manic reaction to Lexapro last month....

I'm glad that you've seen something you can work at with him. The truth is never one sided, there's always a tension between one point of view and another... the actual "truth" is somewhere between them, in the tension. I think you've "got" this secret, even if your therapist hasn't yet. I am glad you did, because it means you have something to work with.

I just saw the King's Speech, and I keep wanting to talk to people about it... there's a scene where the therapist, Lionel, really wants to get a truth across to the future King, and he over steps his mark, and the patient walks off. They nearly lose their relationship. Fortunately for "Berty" (future king) and, as it happens, Britain and the free world, things do work out... but it's an interesting example of how the therapeutic relationship is a fragile thing. Honest to God, I don't have stocks in the movie or anything... but go and have a look at it... it's a great movie, particularly for those of us in therapy.

And... I'm glad that it sounds like you're doing okay. Keep well...and give me a shout if you ever really need someone to talk to.

thanks, mgran, I appreciate the support a lot!
My T saw The King's Speech and was highly recommending it to me. I really want to see it, just haven't gotten to it; maybe I'll buy the DVD.

I'm going to buy it when it comes out on dvd, and I'm even thinking of going to see it this weekend with my son if we can get there. And believe me, I'm an Irish woman, who isn't at all fond of the English monarchy... and by the end of this film I was in love with a dead English king! Very good film painfully true and psychologically real. And apparently the queen (daughter of the king in the film) has watched it several times, and is very moved by the sympathetic and accurate portrayal of her father.

OK, I'm going to stop selling it now....

Hi PoetGirl,

I also am new here, not just to the forum, but to the site as a whole. People don't always understand that a message delivered with compassion and care often makes more of an impact than one which is delivered abrasively. Even if he did mean to shock you, that can be acheived through repetition and emphasis. Your doctor's reaction indicates that he somehow holds you responsible. For what?

What more can be expected of someone suffering from bp than to seek treatment (the very thing you were trying to do)?

It's the anticipation of reactions like the one you describe which prevent people from seeking treatment even when they know they need it.

I understand that. I'm very direct with people, and appreciate that in others, but I think it needs to be done with tact. If it's not it becomes abusive.

I took part in a group therapy program and I really enjoyed one of the pdocs. A lot of the members couldn't stand him because he cut through the bs and got to the point. I grew a lot from working with him because I was the queen of putting on a facade.