Indestructability/Super-Hero???

Ok for a wee while I have struggled with thoughts in my head and impulsive behaviour(s) which I have acted on.... some of this may trigger ok

Every so often I become compusive to walk in front of traffic. I have done this when I am both manic and depressed.

When I am Manic I will do this as a kinda buzz drive that I thrive on. I will just casually walk across a road and think I can miss the on-coming traffic. I think I am a super-hero who has powers. I think I will be un-hurt as will everyone else and that its all going to be ok!! However I now realise that the drivers would toot their horns at me and or curse at me.

When I am Depressed I will do this to well how to put it PC wise and not offend people... injure myself if not more.

I know what will happen if both of the above happens.... The drivers and passangers and their vehicles will be damaged if not worse. I know I could and be severly hurt if not worse. But I still want and have urges to do this.

I told my Psych Nurse when I saw him yesterday and he says I am a danger to myslef and others and he is concerned. He has said he has a duty of care to me and the public. He said if I can't be safe he will need to inform my Mum as she is my next of kin.... worried about that bit. He said even worse I might be hospitalised if it gets worse.

I have a secret to tell and that's I have not been taking my meds. I have took them today but have not been taking them. I really opened up to Psych Nurse as usually I am quiet but he said I did well to tell him. He noticed I was really edgy and was anxious.... he said is this your mood today or is it just talking to me you have been feeling this way.... it was my mood. He always comments on how animated I am in sessions.... I have no idea what that means though.

I am worried as I am not seeing him for 3 weeks and a lot of things have/are happening in my life which is making it all topsy turvey at the moment. Psych Nurse said I wouldn't like to be sectioned and said I am a sensible woman and should be sensible.

He joked at the end that if he saw me jumping out while he is driving he will get out his car and kick my butt.... which made me smile. I was anxious to get out of the clinic but anxious to stay there

I just dont know what to think/feel at the moment and about my above scenario....

Am I a super-hero?

Hey guys,

Anyone got any thoughts on this?

Kinda struggling here

I'm not far enough along in my mood disorder to be able to help with this. All I know is you are not a super-hero, but I understand you may be feeling like one. I'm glad you took the meds today, Try to keep taking them. Your life is at risk with you playing in traffic.

(Awww, sorry you had to bump your own thread, Miss Laura! I thought about it when I first read it, and should have responded.) I relate, just a bit differently. I've definitely had the depressive one, in fact there was one point where... I don't know exactly what to call it psychiatrically-speaking, but felt physically pushed toward the road. Like someone was shoving me from behind. That was really messed up.

The manic-y side. A thing that comes to mind (rather different, but definitely not thinking rationally...).Was riding a bike. I had the right-of-way and this old guy was cutting me off (as in turning right into my path to hit me), while wagging his finger (!!!) and well, let's just say there was nothing about his behavior that didn't p.o. me. Big time. It was all I could do not to chase him down and flip my **** on him. I had NO fear whatsoever. Mind you, he was driving a giant RV. I was on a bicycle. Didn't phase me one bit. I was invincible.
(The only reason I actually didn't do it was that I was already late for work. Even once I got there, I still felt very compelled to head straight back out to do this! I'd've had at least a mile to catch up, but seriously thought this was not an issue.)

Are you a super hero? I dunno, but I have a cape if you'd like to borrow it!

Yes, Miss Laura, you were good to speak to your psych nurse about it.
You said, "He always comments on how animated I am in sessions.... I have no idea what that means though." Do you mean that you don't think you are, or that you literally don't know the expression? If it's the latter, it just means you are very expressive in intonation of voice and motion... lively.

You said you'd been skipping your meds, but then had re-started. Are you staying with that? Hope so, because yeah, it is dangerous. (Hope things are smooth out for you, you've been having quite a rough patch lately...)

Thanks guys, sorry to be a pain and want/need an answer.

I have started my meds again as much as I don't want to. I just don't no what to do at the moment.

The manager at the group I attend has done a risk assessment and said I should crozz at pedestrian crossings at all times and wait for the safety of the green man. So I think I will do that.

Still feel like a super-hero though

I feel invincible too when I'm manic or mixed. I tend to make long car trips and sometimes drive dangerously. So I'm the one in the car, not the pedestrian. I realize I have endangered my life and others in the past, so now I have my SO drive me when I'm feeling that way.

Stay safe and keep on taking your meds. If they're not helping ask for a change in them.

((Miss Laura)) - sorry you're experiencing this and it's good you were honest about not complying with your meds ...yes you really need to take them. I feel a little funny answering in this forum because you all might wonder...how can I relate to the biplar forum? - my now deceased brother had bipolar disorder, so it's familiar to me.

I get the impression from your post, that you're not wanting to go in front of cars because you're 'suicidal.' You actually are engaging in daring behavior because you don't think you'll get hit. Now I don't know if this is the 'manic' part of bipolar or delusional or it could be 'intrusive thinking' which would fall under compulsive disorder. The unfortunate thing is, you're not just thinking but also acting on the thoughts. Please do take your meds and tell the attending medical staff that you're having/acting on these thoughts. Be safe ((Miss Laura))

You aren't a superhero, FYI. I know you feel like one though. I currently feel like a condiut between the energy of the universe and all life on earth. The energy is running through me and into the life of all beings.
Hooray for hypomania?
Be careful!

Why have you been reluctant to take your meds?

Thanks guys,

I dont' feel suicidal at all well not at the moment. I do have this when I am suicidal though so I know its a catch 22. My Psych Nurse knows about my "risky behaviour" at the moment. He is seeing me again in 3 weeks time which is the only time he can see me. I haven't told my GP as I was a bit antsy when I saw her. I am more manic now as I am talking to these guys online and 1 of them has my phone number. We chatted last night. I have told them I have BP as when this happened the last time my GP and Psych Nurse said they don't know I am "ill" I am not "ill" btw!!!

I told my friend today that I am having this problem and she has said I am being dangerous and I need to stop it in a sense. We were crossing a road today... before I spoke to her about it and I walked right out in front of on-coming traffic she pulled me back and looked at me. She has had to do that a few times. She tends to hold my arm or has her arm out in front of me. Which is embarrassing.

I don't want to take my meds anymore, I just want a life without them. But I have started taing them again.... took them yesterday and today

My brother would have trouble not taking his meds too. Non compliance happens a fair amount with bipolar, especially if the person has frequent manic episodes. From what I know, my brother used to feel great when he was manic and the meds took that feeling away.

Good you're taking them and you need to take them everday. Sorry you're having a hard time ((Miss Laura))

I totally get this.

My last manic episode had me running out in front of cars because I believed I was invincible... I couldn't see the danger in it, that's the scary bit.

Crisis services told my bf that I shouldn't go out alone or face hospitalisation.

I identify... Keep safe xx

Thanks guys,

My Psych Nurse said I might need hospitalised if it continues as I am a danger to myself and to others. Said I need to keep safe. When I'm depressed its versed and it's suicidal ways that make me do this.

I guess what I want to know or need to know is what can I do to stop/prevent it?

Unfortunately, to be safe from self-harm we need meds. Fact of the bipolar life.

Thanks Wingin'it,

I know meds solve some of the issues..... just wish someone can tell me something else. I think the thing is Psych has said I was stable 2 wks ago and now this has happened....... doesn't make sense

I dont mean to be "bad" at taking and nto taking my meds. Sometimes I am better without them. A few sessions ago my Psych Nurse had asked if my behaviours.... not taking meds, staying up late, not sleeping were due to "bad behaviour" or "bp behaviour" Am I a bad person??

Hi Laura, you're not a bad person. You're also not a super hero... there's no such thing as super heroes. But you're super brave to have told your pdoc, and to recognise that this is an issue, and to be looking for ways to control it.

This thread has really surprised me, because I used to think I was the only person who this happened to. And now it seems it happens a lot... The main reason I fought against it was that there was always that little niggling thought... if I die, who's going to look after my son? And sometimes there was another little niggling thought which was... well, I'll not tell you, I don't want to trigger you.

Personally, I think you're doing all the right things. You've spoken to your pdoc, you've asked for help here, you're taking your meds, and your friend knows. I would suggest that until you stabilise on the meds you should only go out with friends. I wish I could offer more concrete advice... have you contacted your local chapter of MIND? They offer befriending services, and you might have someone else to help you with your shopping, etc, who can keep an eye on your self injurious tendencies.

Hang on in there. This will pass.

Thanks Mgran,

My problems with indestructability has been getting worse and I also wanted to know if it was a Psychosis thing I was expereiencing. I spoke to my Psych Nurse as I have no relatives/friends with BP. So he is my in RL real person in dealing with this disorder.

I know I thought it was only me too!! Guess it is part of being BP that we feel like this. It is really hard though and its good to know we are defo not alone huh!!

I attend Penumbra once a week which is a support charity for MH issues. So the Manager knows as we were doing my Risk Assessments on Wednesday so she has said to start crossing at pedestrian crossings and to be very careful. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't- depending on my mood huh!!

I tend to go out with people well once I get to them I go out with people. I live at home with my folks.... but they don't know. I hide a lot of things from my family and this is one of them.