[sugahorse1]

Just a head's up to you guys, who are like my support network.
Kind of decided with my T that therapy has done as much as it can for me and that I'm pretty stable. Going to have a 3 week break until my next session, and then probably another 3 weeks, and then that will be it.
She's probably going to give up her consulting rooms, or if she stays on, it will probably be a set day of the week.

Sure, I understand I'm pretty stable, but with the stresses in the last few weeks, it's felt like the wheels are getting a little loose (What can I expect?). She's there between the 3 weeks, but I asked her what would happen beyond that. If I'm ok for a few months, and then I need to come back. She said I'd probably end up phoning someone else. Hello - a different T??? While I understand it's not meant to be a forever relationship, I am very anxious. Over the past few weeks I have already been pulling away so as not to hurt.

So, I have that hanging over my head. I have an internal job application I'm holding thumbs for. I have a manager and colleague who I HATE, and they just make me feel terrible about myself. Right now I have one sick horse, but he'll be OK. Once month to go for exam results. If I pass this module, I'm hoping I can move my credits and finally get my bachelor degree....
And I guess I'm just going through a phase where I feel lonely again. What's up with that?!? Am I alone? It's terrible! I know my boyfriend loves me, and I have a few friends that care and will listen, but it doesn't help me to actually feel that.

So, just a note to you that I just need a little bit of help through the next while...please... any correspondence or comments will be much appreciated.

Love you guys

[dragonfly2]

It is hard sometimes when therapy ends. I went into a tailspin once when my pdoc (whom I was seeing for therapy) wanted to go to every other week. Try to focus on the next 6 weeks. A lot of your stresses will likely be resolved by then, or at least you'll have a better sense of what to do next if things don't work out. If things start to feel really out of control, back up to one day at a time. Don't forget to breathe.

[ScooterBug]

Wait a second ... therapy ends for you guys? You don't get a T and stick to him/her? I am REALLY picky!! I actually interview my T before choosing him/her and let them know "I am a 24/7 patient, I need to count on you from now and til we have to part ways for life reasons (moving, insurance change, etc)"

I have found that this builds a different bond with my T. I still email and call my old T back in CT and we are friends. My current T doesn't even charge me for my visits anymore. I can email him or call his office and leave a message and he gets back to me immediately.

I honestly thought you get a T and just stick with 'em. *shrug*

Anywho ... Suga, hang in there ... maybe for your next T you can do what I do and make a friend out of 'em. I am sure in a lil while, you'll be able to think back and say "whew! glad that's over" *hugs*

Suga, we are here for you.
Try to take it a day at a time right now.

As for feeling lonely - I've felt lonely in a room full of people.

If you need to find another T, you can do that...do you feel like you need a regular one now - do you agree with what yours said?

I'm with Scooterbug - I've been with mine for 8 years - I don't plan on ending. It's a regular part of my life. Sometimes I go every week, sometimes I go every month depending on how I'm doing.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Suga,

Awww that's great to hear that you are doing soooo well. Ye it's tough when you have to move on huh!! I took leaving my 1st Counsellor really badly and was miserable for a wee while after that but had to keep reminding myself it was so that I didn't get too attached. I know it's hard now to think you will be on your own... but you will have PC to help you out and I guess "someone else" if needs be. I am so pleased you have had such a good time recently- mood wise. You have came a long way.

Feeling lonely is tough, but you know you have been there before and will be able to come through this. Spend more time with your B/F and your Horse and you will feel better

Chat any time

[BNLsMOM]

We're here for you, Suga.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks. Flip, just reading this now makes me tearful...

I guess my T thinks it's time to end therapy because I'm pretty stable. And I don't want to get too attached, as I noticed a few weeks ago, and purposely pulled away. Plus, she's looking to give up the lease on her rooms, which will severly limit her availability, espec as she's down to only a few patients right now (she works mainly at a government hospital, and only has a very limited personal practice)
So, I should be ok on my own.

I do see my horse a bit more frequently, and my bf and I do live together, so we spend most of our free time together.

I don't really want to go back to my T sessions, because it's going to be a bit painful to leave.

Going to hand in my internal job application today. Think the email didn't go through. Feel very anxious today- so it's either a mixed episode or finally some depression coming back - YAY!!

[wing]

Sounds like a big improvement, suga...have you given up treatment for your PTSD, or do you feel as if that episode is behind you now?

Hey just dropping in to say hello.
I was thinking of you last night as we took a ride through a very "horsey" area by us.
I hope you are feeling well today.

Hey Suga, sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. It's always difficult to stop therapy, and the possibility of changing therapists is tough too, especially if the two of you worked well together. It's great to hear that you're pretty stable though. I hope you'll keep us updated on how things are going!

[angel700]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Just a head's up to you guys, who are like my support network.
Kind of decided with my T that therapy has done as much as it can for me and that I'm pretty stable. Going to have a 3 week break until my next session, and then probably another 3 weeks, and then that will be it.
She's probably going to give up her consulting rooms, or if she stays on, it will probably be a set day of the week.

Sure, I understand I'm pretty stable, but with the stresses in the last few weeks, it's felt like the wheels are getting a little loose (What can I expect?). She's there between the 3 weeks, but I asked her what would happen beyond that. If I'm ok for a few months, and then I need to come back. She said I'd probably end up phoning someone else. Hello - a different T??? While I understand it's not meant to be a forever relationship, I am very anxious. Over the past few weeks I have already been pulling away so as not to hurt.

So, I have that hanging over my head. I have an internal job application I'm holding thumbs for. I have a manager and colleague who I HATE, and they just make me feel terrible about myself. Right now I have one sick horse, but he'll be OK. Once month to go for exam results. If I pass this module, I'm hoping I can move my credits and finally get my bachelor degree....
And I guess I'm just going through a phase where I feel lonely again. What's up with that?!? Am I alone? It's terrible! I know my boyfriend loves me, and I have a few friends that care and will listen, but it doesn't help me to actually feel that.

So, just a note to you that I just need a little bit of help through the next while...please... any correspondence or comments will be much appreciated.

Love you guys

I get the change of therapist--the one I've been seeing for the past 2 months is leaving and I won't know until Thursday if the practice is going to have anyone who can take over my counseling. Major stressor, so I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Change is a de-stablilizer for me and it sounds like you've got several changes going on; maybe a positive is that you will have the opportunity to see if what you've learned can help you stay in a stable place even with the changes. I know I can also start feeling lonely despite having loved ones around; I just have to keep reminding myself to engage with those around me not just stay inside myself (if that makes any sense). it's a choice to be an active part of my recovery. Keep us posted.

[sugahorse1]

Crazy @ work at the moment, but pushing back what I can. Think I'm in a mixed episode, so I naturally feel I can tell everyone where to get off.
Haven't really been in the mood to drink, max 2 beers, so that's a good thing. And off to bed as early as possible.
Jumped on my horse last night, bareback, and all he had was his bridle and blanket. I know we just walked, but I needed those 15minutes to lose myself.
A bit peeved off with the HR lady who I'd started to trust - not yet to a stage where I could talk face to face, but getting there - and now the last while she hasn't had time/concern to mail me back. Oh well; will teach me to stop trusting people so quickly.
I think the PTSD issue is behind me; it never really hit me. While I'm surprised how I recated, and didnt try defend myself, I can't beat myself up about it and can just be glad things worked out ok.
I'm mostly stable, but the last 2 weeks have really been kind of mixed episodes, and I know I need to find the positives and stay away from depression.

Have an interview on Tuesday for an internal move as a Business Analyst. Now that Walmart has taken over, and it would be more of an IT department role, I really hope I can move. My managers have been a-holes and never made it as clear as the last 2 weeks that they want me out of their deparment. Hasn't done the self-esteem any good, and I do begin to question myself.

[sugahorse1]

Not enjoying life at the moment.
Having nightmares around this stupid hijacking, and I can't take sleeping meds every night.

Something wrong with my breathing and it's a little scary; just can't seem to really breathe deep. Sliding a bit towards depression
Life in general is just a little strained

I think the PTSD issue is behind me; it never really hit me. While I'm surprised how I recated, and didnt try defend myself, I can't beat myself up about it and can just be glad things worked out ok.

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Not enjoying life at the moment.
Having nightmares around this stupid hijacking, and I can't take sleeping meds every night.

Something wrong with my breathing and it's a little scary; just can't seem to really breathe deep. Sliding a bit towards depression
Life in general is just a little strained

If you are having nightmares, the PTSD is not gone.
I think you may be trying too hard to hold it all together. The breathing thing could be anxiety.
If you can see your T or a new T...I think you need to talk to someone...or your boyfriend. Don't let this get out hand.

[Trippin2.0]

Thinking of you hun,and i agree with JMB...

[sugahorse1]

I am just slightly more alert about where I drive, where I park, people walking across the road at a robot/stop street. My bloody dreams are making me even more vigilant and more nervous about situations I could never imagine awake.
From my dream last night, I don't even feel safe going to a shopping centre and parking in the parking lot.
I'm not consciously trying to hold things together, but maybe I am unconsciously.

My breathing is very shallow, and only every 5 mins or so, I realise I'm not getting enough air. I then can't take a deep breath, and it makes me slightly nervous. It's what I imagine asthma to feel like.

Thanks guys xx

suga There's no timetable, as I'm sure you already know. I think you are right in guessing that your subconscious is aware of what your conscious mind isn't, even if you feel your conscious mind is not trying to do so. The subconscious is a pretty perceptive little bugger. I'd listen to it. Not in the sense of it dictating your actions, but in the sense of awareness, you know?

[sugahorse1]

Thank you Inner. Nightmares again last night. And I'm not sure if it would be the right thing to take a sleeping tab to just over-ride this?
I am so grumpy and angry at everyone. So sensitive to anything my bf does and says. I just want to be happy again!!

Maybe you need a med change? Can you see a pdoc?
We want you to be happy again too!

[sugahorse1]

I have Klonopin prn, but have kept it to a minimum. Had some good sleep last night, and actually worried I was getting a bit hypomanic. I know that the only certainty is - uncertainty.
I do no know what to expect from day to day, but while my head is still above water, I'm going to keep treading

[Tsunamisurfer]

Hang in there, Suga. Thoughts are with you. Hope the T arrangements work out well & soon.
Pete

[sugahorse1]

It's a Monday. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and look @ what positives I do have in my life. It will pull me out of a rut and start looking forwards - if only it was that easy.
Did some MAJOR sleeping on the weekend...

I'm sending some special ' positive thinking' vibes your way, first thing in the morning.

I was happy to read your post, it's encouraging!

Originally Posted by sugahorse

It's a Monday. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and look @ what positives I do have in my life. It will pull me out of a rut and start looking forwards - if only it was that easy.

Wishing you luck!

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Did some MAJOR sleeping on the weekend...

Pass some over, ok? (Sleeping's been **** lately, waking up for hours in the middle of the night. Bleh.)

[sugahorse1]

Slept terribly last night and kept waking up. But doing ok