NO ONE UNDERSTANDS

To warn ya this might be triggering. Im a little pist right now.
i appologize for the swearing.

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NO ONE IN MY FAMILY CAN SEE THAT THERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET HEALTHY. I HAVE AN APPT IT WAS EITHER THE 8TH OR THE 20 WHICH I GOT BOTH. MY GRANDMA WANT ME TO CANCEL CAUSE SHE SAID I WILL BE FIRED IF I GO DURING WORK. WELL I TALKED TO MY BOSS SHE SAID IT WILL BE ALLRIGHT. SHE SAID HER BOSS WILL FIRE ME.

I GUESS I WILL STOP TAKING MY MEDS CANCELL ALL MY APPT CAUSE OBVIOUSLY MY JOB IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY HEALTH. OBVIOUSLY I DONT NEED MY BIPOLAR MEDS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I GUESS I CAN SHAKE IT OFF SHE IMPLIES.

MAYBE I WILL SI. DONT WORRY IM NOT THINKING ABOUT THE BIG S. SO THIS IS BY NO WAY A SUICIDE NOTE. THIS IS BASICALLY A VENTING NOTE.

IM GOING TO MY THERAPIST FOR MY EATING DISORDER AND BIPOLAR. WHICH TO HER I CAN SWITCH OFF I GUESS. I WANT TO GO BUT I GUESS I CANT. I GUESS SHE KNOWS MORE ABOUT MY WORK THAN ME. SHE MUST KNOW THAT I WILL BE FIRED FOR THIS. SHE MUST BE PSYCHIC. SHE MUST HAVE TALKED TO MY BOSS AND THEY TOLD HER THAT I WILL BE FIRED FOR ONE MORE DOC APPT. THE LAST DOC APPT THAT I HAD AT WORK WAS IN SEPT. I GUESS SHE KNOWS I WILL BE FIRED. MAYBE I SHOULD QUIT SCHOOL AND MY MEDS AND MY THERAPY APPT AND PSYCH APPT TO JUST WORK. WORK WORK WORK. MAYBE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO GO TO SCHOOL. MAYBE I SHOULDNT OWN A CAR. MAYBE I SHOULD NOT EVEN BE GOING. CAUSE OF COURSE BIPOLAR IS A DISORDER U CAN SWITCH OFF AT ANY TIME TO HER.

I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND I CANT. BUT I GUESS I CAN. SO THEN HERE IS MY DIAGNOSIS TO HER.

I AM A ATTENTION SEEKING LITTLE PEICE OF %#@&#! THAT WANTS TO SPEND MONEY AND GET INTO CAR ACCIDENTS AND RUN AROUND WITH GUYS I DONT KNOW AND BREAK THE LAWS, AND STAY UP ALL NIGHT AND WORK VERY FAST AND TALK FAST FOR ATTENTION. I GUESS ALL I WANT IS ATTENTION. THATS WHAT SHE IMPLYS.

SO HERE IT IS. I WANT ATTENTION. THATS MY DIAGNOSIS. DONT GIVE ME ATTENTION. THATS THE CURE I GUESS. SO HERE NO ATTENTION. THATS MY MEDICATION. NO ATTENION AND YELLING TILL IM BACK INTO THE PITS WERE I WONT HAFT TO GET ATTENTION.

I HATE THIS PLACE.

Blackdragon, i am so very sorry that you are in such a hard and painful place right now. my family doesn't understand bipolarII either. it's very hard for us to get along, when things are going well, but when family turns on us...it gets almost impossible.

please don't quit your meds or your T. you need it. the day will come when you'll look back on this and you will be glad you stood your ground. xoxoxo pat

Black dragon,
I agree with Pat on this, big time. Please do not quit therapy and meds., don't give up on yourself, just because the people around you (family/work) are ignorant about Bipolar, most likely they are ignorant about many mental disorders, and that is very hard to deal with.
Too many stigmas,stereotypes, that really complicate life for us. It sounds like they would benefit from some sort of counselling, and from reading some info. about Bipolar disorder, etc.
There is one organization I can think of to start with that may help, DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance)
I picked up an info pack at my pdoc's office to show my husband, my biological family is already familiar with this disorder, my brother and other relatives are also Bipolar, my brother is Bipolar-I and I, Bipolar-II.
Not to stray, let me give you their phone number and website, perhaps they can mail you some of their info.pamphlets/packages to help educate those in your RL world. DBSA's phone# (800) 826-3632 or (312)642 - 0049
Website: www.DBSAlliance.org
Also, some of the books I listed at the top, "suggested reading", are and were very helpful providing info.

I wish you lots of luck,patience,and hope. Please do not give up on yourself, there is help and hope.

Take care now,
Rosanne

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