I don't understand my mother and my health

My mother and I have a somewhat rocky relationship, last week when she was down visiting me and I had mentioned how my pdoc and t and CRT think if things didn't start to change this time round the next step was the hospital. Well my mom say to me " you don't want to keep going to the hospital, you can't just rely on hospital visits" in a very judgmental tone. I tried to ignore it but then my sister tells me my mom had told her about this conversation Aka talking behind my back. My sister was disgusted by this.

I have been dealing with bipolar an psychosis from a young age. I have been in the hospital only one time last year. I'm am very stubborn about the hospital and usually refuse or do eveything in my power not to go. Not always a benefit to me. I had a hard time accepting I had been in the psych ward and had a huge fear of going. I finally got to a place where I was a litle more ok with this. So I don't know how to take what she said. Feels like a huge slap in the face to me. And makes my thinking on the hospital go back to square one.

I know I should have been in the hospital this time and I did not go, I've been doing terrible and am barely holding it together. The psychosis has been worse and the moods are still way out of control. This just makes me doubt myself so much. What have I been trying to do all this time, for nothing???

You and your therapist know what you need better than your mother does. I can't say why she does or says the things she does. Maybe she doesn't even know, but she sounds kind of toxic. The important thing is to get yourself as healthy as you can. If what you need is the hospital than there is nothing wrong with that. If you were diabetic and your insulin was out of control no one would tell you to just stay home and deal with it. These chemicals in our brain are out of whack and they affect our body and our wellbeing and sometimes we need help to get them sorted out so we can be healthy. It doesn't mean we aren't strong enough or that we're failing in some way, it just means we need a little more help. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. I know it's hard not to takes things to heart and we want our mothers of all people to be supportive of us and to validate us but sometimes they just don't. Sometimes we just have to surround ourselves with people who will fill that need and accept that we might not get it from our mothers. Take care of yourself, you have just as much right to feel healthy as any other person.

Zbmom, thanks for that.

She can be quite toxic, I actually think she is mentally ill herself. So I usually try not to take things to personal, this one just hurt tho.

I was looking through the forum at all the unsupportive family threads. Nauseating...

My family is a little weird about it. It's like they acknowledge it's there, but I think they assume I am strong and am always doing ok. None of them really realize how poorly I am doing at times, and non of them offer any real support or help. And mostly I notice they avoid asking me how I am doing or any such questions. Outta sight outta mind I think is the method here. But they do claim we are a real tight family.

Um....I think THEY are delusional. Just stay away from your mom until you can cope. She is not in your circle of support, and no one that you are going to be able to go to if you need someone to say "Yes Anika...do what you need to do for your family, and I will help you for however long you need." You need that person right now. It is sad when your family isn't that person or people...but you just have to come to terms with the fact they are never going to change. The only person who can change is you, and after a while that'll make you stronger. Because right now I'm hearing I get strong...and then I let them rip me apart. You may have to stay away from your mom for a good long time.

When you are sick, you need to surround yourself with positive supportive people. They will help you and support you and encourage you to do anything you need to do to get well.
I'm sorry, but your mom sounds rather negative. I would not take what she says to heart. Maybe she's more concerned with "what will the neighbors think?" than your health. Or maybe she has her own issues, I really don't know.
Whatever you do, you must put yourself first when you are sick and do everything you can to get well, no matter what anyone thinks.

I don't know how close you are with your mother generally, but my mom, whom I am very close to, will say things that can be hurtful in her attempts to be supportive.
your mother may think that by telling you to stay out of the hospital that she is actually telling you to try to be healthier in some weird way -
When they don't have the illness, and don't understand it that much, their ignorance shows in how they deal with it.

There are times when i am doing really badly, talk to my mom, tell her i'm doing bad and she ignores it...like she doesn't want to know, or by ignoring it, it will go away.

i love my mom, but my friends are way better support for me during the bad times. What i've learned is that she won't change, so I can't expect anything different from her.
it sounds like you know your mom is negative about this stuff anyway, so lean on the people you know are really there for you and understand what's going on with you. Only you truly know how you feel. don't worry about what she says...she doesn't seem to get it so what she says doesn't really count.

Anika, as a mom myself... but not knowing the full extent of your relationship with your mom...

I know for myself that I would just love to ignore and not believe that my children are struggling with anything. In my case, this isn't the truth, but I just so want to believe...

As moms, we give so much of ourselves to try as best as we can to give our children a better life. And when we discover that our children are struggling, it brings great pain. We question if we really were good parents.

I am learning that my adult children have to make choices that are best for themselves. There will always be a part of me that wants to fight what they tell me - but deep, deep down, I know they have to do what is right for them.

Don't know if this helps you, but hoping it provides some perspective.

Thanks for all you're input.

I've had a very rocky relationship with my mom for a very long time. Usually I don't let her bother me so much, we don't live that close to each other either. This one just hurt my feelings.

I have tried to look at things from the perspective of being a mom since I am one, I understand that bit. No one wants their children to suffer.

My mom has lots of issues and doesn't seek treatment, so I try to understand that she is also not well. I would lean on friends but I really have none, literally.

Sometimes it's hard tho I know I'm an adult but sometimes I still want my mommy you know? It sucks when you realize you always have to play the bigger person with your parent, role reversal.

Anika, I too have a huge rocky relationship with my mom. It just makes it worse cause she is so different with her biological son. She just does not notice that she treats us different. The thing though is that it made me the person that I am now. I was not always there for my daughter due to my illness but when I was I was a better parent in which I could show my love to her, better listener, more supportive when times were hard for her, and I broke the cycle of the rocky relationship for the future of our families to come. It does hurt but think of what it has helped you become as a mom to your children. This also will help you with your relationship with them. So even though I have to live her with her and we argue constently, I either walk away, or just plain avoid her and do things when she is in another room. I am thankful though that it made me be a better person in life and a better mother now that I am back to stay.

Thanks for that perception Mokie. That is a good way to look at it, and your are right. It has helped me be a better mom (I hope)