What a rough day :|

Wow what a rough day , or I should say week... Started out seeing my Pdoc Monday and he upped my Seraquel to 400mg at nite.. SO im still getting used to the increased dose ( ugh) .

Today I saw my Therapist .. He really pushes me hard to try and get me to find " good things" in myself, I have pretty much no self worth and I feel like a burden so his homework he gave me last week for to find the good in me.. well I honestly couldnt find any ,, any that I could actually truly believe in. So I felt like even a bigger failure** sigh**
So My therapist and I agreed to do some more Hypnotherapy, working mainly on me being able to see the positive in myself not just the negative. ... I do feel great after a session I feel moe positive but the strugggle for me is to apply it daily and actually beleive in it.

I know that coming to terms with this illness and feeling better isnt going to happen overnite but it sure would be nice to actually start seeing a differance instead of more problems and isssues on top of more.

Wishing everyone some peace ~

Thank you, morethings..............I could certainly use some of the peace you so thoughtfully put out there.
I was diagnosed late in life with Bipolar 1. I do take Seroquel (and Lamictal as well.) My doses have been upped and dropped down several times. This illness is complicated and, as you said, coming to terms with it and feeling better isn't going to happen overnight. But for you, it will happen. I'm confident of that. Your therapist is pointing you in the right direction. That you've felt more positive after just one session speaks volumes. After three, or four, or five.........it will come to you more easily and that's when you will really start to notice the change. It's not easy, I know, but try to stay as patient as you are intelligent. It will happen........all my best, grey

One good thing about you is that you are seeking out other people who are struggling too. You recognize that you need support and help and you are giving it to yourself. It takes a lot of strength to go through therapy and to join a support forum and put yourself out there for strangers to read about. The only failure in therapy is giving up. As long as you keep working at it, keep putting in as much as you can give, and working as hard as you can with wherever you are at, then you are succeeding. There are no grades, it's there for you, you get to make it into whatever you need it to be so you can heal.

You're not a failure, you just have chemicals in your brain that are out of whack. Finding something positive about yourself could be as simple as, "I like my eyes" or "My name is pretty". It doesn't have to be a personality trait, although you sound like a warm-hearted person.

This is definitely a disease that gets better with time. We just have to be extremely patient with ourselves and let ourselves heal through therapy. In time, you will easily find things to be positive about. For now, give yourself some credit! This is a tough disorder, and you took the first couple steps, getting to a doctor and a therapist and reaching out on here. That all sounds very positive to me! *hugs*

I have to agree that coming on here and trying to get support is a very powerful thing.

Work with your therapist on your self-hatred issues. I am stubborn and will not let myself feel like a failure. I am on disability, but am contributing to my household a whole lot. My husband told me that I am basically paying the mortgage with the money I get now from SSDI. I just stay at home and do the housework.

Find something positive about yourself through therapy. It will take some time but I am sure you will find things to be positive about regarding yourself.

I know I will never set the world on fire, but I do the little things that help me. I have a good heart and love to help people, so I feel like I have some self-worth.

I know you do too!!!

Wow ! Thank you EVERYONE !

I so needed this overwhelming words of support. It really helps to know I'm not alone in this huge battle to find the peace in my life I have really never had. Of course I wish NONE of you were dealing with this mess, but Im glad you took time out of your busy life to reply to my thread.

Wishing all of you some peace~

I took this approach your therapist is taking many years ago and it sure has snowballed. i had lots of negative selftalk that kept me in the dark. My T does not understand how i can go to such dark places, but it has been a long while since i have been there. I teach a class now that discusses selfconcept and i go around the room asking people on a scale of 1-100 where their self concept lies and I can usually say mine is in the 90's. But it definately hasnt always been that way.

I started with one good thing. I can write well. (not that its always demonstrated here) But i write professional evaluations and they are kick *****. No matter how depressed I got, this one thing could not be taken away from me. I have a file cabinet in my head. So i started adding to the file cabinet. My boss appreciates me. That was another thing that could not be taken away. Slowly, I kept adding to the positive file in the cabinet. Then when the negative file drawers were open spewing out their vile garbage, I could open the positive drawer and say, "yeah, but i am an excellent writer and my boss appreciates me. I do my job well." Its taken many years but now the file drawers are pretty much filled with positve stuff. I went back to school, got my degree, doing lots of positive things with my life. All goes in the drawers. I still struggle with finding meaning in life, but the things I do have meaning.

so find something small and indisputable. are you kind? if not kind to everybody, maybe kind to children, old people or animals? do you have a talent? can you manage your money? your time? your household? r u a good listener? are you caring? empathetic? can u work on cars? fix household appliances? problem solve? cook? cook anything, just one thing well? garden? fish? take care of a pet? personal hygeine? helping others? hooking up electronics (that takes talent!)? photography?

another way to look at it is what brings you joy? if you are doing something that brings you happiness then chances are, you are good at whatever that is. if going to listen to a band makes you feel good then one good thing about you is that you appreciate music. going to the lake or hiking, you appreciate the outdoors.

there are lots of different ways to find good things about yourself. and if they are indesputable, then you will actually believe it because there is no way to say it isnt true.

Kaliope,
Thank you sooooooooooo much for your post.. I can sit and read this and think "of course" there are good thing about me... right now I just cant seem to " believe" them.. I know its going to take alot of work on my part to be able to STOP beating myself up and focusing on the negative.. For months and months I felt like a complete burden to everyone around me.. My T and I worked on that and now I no longer feel like a burden , well I have my moments but I for the most part no longer feel like a burden. Today my biggest problem is i have eaten everything that doesnt move thanks to damn Seraquel... Its horrible .. I have gained 15 lbs and I feel HUGE ,, I have issues with anorexia so the weight gain is a HUGE deal .. I know most all mood stabalizers have an increase in weight issue. Whats hard for me is I have Severe Fibromyalgia so i cant just increase exercise to deal with the increased weight . So i sit here thinking is it better to go off the meds and deal with my brain racing a million miles an hour or just learn to live with the constant hunger and constant eating.. My T is aware of my issues with the medication .. I told him I would give it another week or so and see if the food issue calms down. I also have a Self harm issue and im worried the increased weight is going to trigger a round of that..

I have alot of issues and im fighting all of them so thats theone positive thing I can say and believe about me today " Im fighting all my demons "

Wishing you some Peace