[DarkDay]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar two weeks ago after I went to the hospital for Mania, it's been an insane two weeks, with me trying to mend my family, friendships and make amends all while undergoing treatment.
All of this done, and nothing to really show, I feel like my family only cares about material things like a Job and College, even though I HAVE a job and I'm planning on going to college, it's not enough, it's not enough that I'm making social interactions and trying to enjoy life a little bit. No, they always have to see the negatives and drill them home, in fact they seem to see social interaction as bad, and even though I'm only 19, and I've taken up so much responsibility in the last month, the only thing they can focus on is little things, for example that I didn't mow the lawn right when asked, in fact screaming it in my face even when I cooked and cleaned. I feel emotionally drained whenever I'm around them, they have so many marital issues and I've had to deal as their sandbag for so long, that wasn't easy, but there's so many scars.
I know this is without much direction, but I'm just so hurt, I try so hard to make them happy, but they never seem to care, I know I can't fix their relationship, but the fact that they seem to direct all the negativity onto me is just hard to deal with, and while they can support me financially, they don't seem to get just how hard my life has been mentally.
I don't know what to do, thanks to anyone who responds.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm sending lots of hugs and encouragement your way! XOXO

[Forgive77]

Sounds overwhelming and very sad. If you were older and didn't need their financial support I'd say take yourself out of the situation as much as possible. Can you go away to college? You might want to.

Are you going to therapy? You might need that for coping skills right now. Also, you have to remember you have a disease that can make your perception of things a little skewed. I'm not saying they aren't being abusive...I'm just saying try to not make too much of it. Put up a boundary and tell yourself it's not my fault, they are just angry right now due to there own issues. Then so much doesn't and wont sink it.

Also so many of our parents don't understand or want to admit their kids have this disease because it's hereditary. Back in the day it wasn't acceptable to have a mental illness, people like us were locked up, never to be seen again. It might be scary and overwhelming for them, and it's coming out in anger. Find a good circle of support, like here, and maybe some outside friends that you can talk to, because it might not be your parents at the moment. Kinda sad I know....but it sounds like they have some things going on, and they are focusing on the negative, and not what to do to help you, and none of us need that.

Big hug. xoxoxoxoxxo

[zbmom]

If definitely sounds like a toxic relationship. It is hard when you are in that environment. You just have to keep reminding yourself that it is THEIR problem and not yours, nothing you do will ever be good enough for them because they are the ones who have the issue. If moving out isn't an option for now. Just do your chores the best you can, if they yell and scream, pretend to take it but deep inside protect yourself and say "you can't touch me, you have no power over me". When I was a teen at home in an abusive environment I coped by staying out of the house as much as possible during the day, and I did whatever they asked me to, didn't argue or fuel into the fight or fire, and just kind of bided my time. I just kept telling myself, I am going to get out of here, I am not going to be here forever. It will get better. Take care of yourself Ok.

[wing]

That's what I did too^. Bided my time till I could move out. In the meantime, I just accepted that I had no support at home, and learned not to expect any. I also attempted to accommodate their wishes for me as much as possible, swallowing my pride sometimes. I worked on not internalizing the abuse they dished out.

You sound like a great kid, sensitive and responsible. I'm sorry you are not receiving validation for that by your parents. Know deep down that you are someone they should be proud of. Hang on to your sense of self. Soon you'll be out of there and can be free to heal, and find unconditional acceptance elsewhere.

[aeylania]

My parents should have gotten a divorce when I was three. I am now about to be 24 and they are just now getting lawyers for what will probably be a nasty divorce. My dad used to yell at me a lot, nothing ever seemed good enough. I hated when he was home from business trips because I'd always end up locked in my room, crying. I did the best I could, and it never was good enough.

I didn't learn then how to deal with it, it just contributed to my disorder. I spent as much time away from home as possible, and kept telling myself that when I could afford it, I'd move out. It may be that your parents don't know how to handle your diagnosis, or they may recognize the symptoms in themselves and wonder if maybe they have it, too. That thought might scare them even more, causing them to lash out in fear. It sounds like they have a rocky relationship with each other, and are both unhappy. People who are unhappy like to spread it around, and the best thing you can do is tell yourself that you won't let their misery hurt you any more. When they yell at you, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are better than they treat you. You deserve better!

Something that helped me is the idea that one day I'd be able to start my own family and I made a promise to be the best parent that I could be. Now I live on my own, with my husband and daughter. I have a decent relationship with my parents, as they've both gotten therapy and have come to terms with their own problems. I can actually discuss my feelings with my father-- something I never thought I'd do. No matter how desperate a situation seems, there is hope. Just keep reminding yourself that you won't always be living with them.

Its hard to focus on getting stable when you have negativity in your life. I'm glad you reached out on these forums, so far my experiences with everyone has been a very positive one, and has helped me find a bit of stability when I was spiraling into a depression. I really hope that you find the support you need, both in life and online. Send me a message if you want, or if you ever need to talk. *hugs*

[SunAngel]

I lived with my parents until I was 25 and then I got married.

My mom sounds so much like yours and it was terrible living like that. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach living there and now whenever I get that yucky feeling in my stomach now, I know something isn't right with my life and I need to change it. It has become a great signal for me that something is just off.

You are only 19 so I know you can't move out of your house and support yourself financially.

When I got married, my mom kept on calling me and telling me to leave my husband because he was controlling. I am/was on disability by that time because I couldn't hold down a job due to my BP. She always followed by saying, "You are not going to just sit around if you move back home because you are going to get a job". Even when married, she wouldn't let up on me. Why would I move back to the situation is beyond me.

I know you are "stuck" in that situation and it is a sucky way to have to live.

All I can say is that it won't last forever. You will find that someday, you won't be in that situation anymore. If you can get your parents to do some research on BP, that is a great thing to do, or next time your see your pdoc, have them go with you so your pdoc can explain exactly what you are going through.

Hold on sweetie because it won't last forever. I PROMISE!!!

[mokie]

Darkday, I really feel for you. My mother was always on me for things. I never did anything right, my hair, my shoes, the way I cleaned, my grades I can go on and on. I still live with her. I did however get through to my dad when he was alive. I explained how hurt I felt from my childhood. They were old fashing and my mom was the materialistic person. So I am not sure but will you let or will your parents go with you to pdoc appt or T sessions. It may help coming from a professional. Try to find a support group in your area to attend. You may find comfort there as well as here. Try as hard as possible to drown them out and remember you are a good person no matter what they may think of you, you are doing the best you can and make it apoint to educate yourself on your diagnosis, education really does help you on making life more managable. Everyone has life issues ours are just a little more difficult at times.

[DarkDay]

Thank you everyone, I feel like I may have over-exaggerated in my opening post, but it still remains that I feel stuck here and that my accomplishments are short lived, but my failures are everlasting here. I'm trying to seperate from my family's problems and worry about my own I just wish I could find more support here. I am trying to do the things here and manage my life accordingly, however most people, especially my brother have told me how restraining my parents are and that I should move out, if I can get the means to do so then I probably will eventually.

I should mention that I was hospitalized three times before for suicidal thoughts, one thing that happened while I was there is that my parents made me feel really guilty for being there, by crying and not being strong at all, I felt like I wasn't supported really by them, in fact I felt terrible for draining their money. Then again they have had little expirence with people who have mental illness, growing up in fundamentalist, farming communities. The one time that sticks out in my mind was when I told them I had been having suicidal thoughts, my father just ignored everything and ran off, said he didn't care, that it was my "mother's responsibility" I know that people said it was a shock, but I really don't care, that's no way that any father should behave, he didn't want to listen, didn't care. Just ran off, then weeks later he starts crying and making me feel guilty.

There's so many emotional scars here, as my brother told me, he had it bad, but I had it ten times worse. All of this living with bipolar, being misdiagnosed with depression, confusion over sexuality, bad social relationships, rejection, weight problems, getting charged in court with false charges, grades, loneliness, school, spiritual problems. I felt like my parents were not people I could turn to for help, that they would only react and try to have someone else deal with me, or to punish me. It's just so much pain and its so hard to just move on from it all.

One thing that someone mentioned is making a safety net, I've always done bad in social situations though, I've been burned a lot in the past by people who have back stabbed me, and loneliness is a big issue for me. People use me emotionally, and never seem to reciprocate any feelings that I have for them, maybe because I'm insane, or because of my past, or whatever their problems with me, in the end though I feel like I get used.

One of the best friends I ever had is going through a really bad drug addiction, and I'm trying to just live and enjoy life, it's just there's so much pain that I want to end, but I don't see it really happening.

I'm so tired of being alone, I want other people to see that I have flaws and that I need other people there, also I wish I could find love and have some sense of being normal, but then again I've ****ed up a lot of things in my past. I want to just start anew, a different town, a different place, but I guess it's all about managing here for now.

[wing]

If you knew what my life was like 20 years ago, you'd never believe it! It can be what seems like a long climb out of a deep hole, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Focus on school, it is your ticket out, but secondary to treatment for your depression. There should be a place for mental health counseling at school that you can take advantage of.