[AbeIsAbe]

I could be wrong but I feel that once I come to terms with having my diagnosis of bipolar disorder with psychotic feature, I will be able to start healing and working on what I need to do stay well. Everytime I am angry for no reason, depressed for no reason, I get stuck on the fact that a year ago, I did not have this problem. A year ago, I did not have to worry about triggers, or working to be happy. If a problem came it, I just dealt with it naturally. Nothing comes natural anymore. And nothing comes with concrete reasons anymore. Again, stuck on the past and how easy life was. Does anyone have any tips as to how I can work through this? Any reflection from how you worked through it? I was diagnosed in January of this year. I feel like I should be "over it" by now.

[kaliope]

abe
i dont know if there is a "getting over it". i have been diagnosed a long time and i am still angry about it and cry over it, feeling like i have a life sentence. One thing you can change in your thinking is when you say "i get angry for no reason, or i cry for no reason" ....you have a reason...you are bipolar, mentally ill...that is the reason. I used to think it came out of nowhere. it made me feel powerless. but there is a reason. something is wrong with the chemicals in my brain. i finally had to get on meds after years and years and years of unsuccessfully trying to fight it in many other ways. i finally had to accept that i was powerless over this illness.it totally took me out. so after a couple of years i found the right meds for me and now life is stable. I have never known the peace i have today. i have been stable for nearly two years. but am i over it? i dont think i will ever be over it because i want a life without drugs. so i just live life one day at a time and try not to think about it. and when i do, i remember what life was like without drugs and that is just to scary to go back to. so its about enjoying what you have in the now. being grateful for the good times. and praying the meds keep working so you dont go back to hell.

[GreenIvy]

It takes time to adjust to the diagnosis. This is a lifetime diagnosis. There is no cure. There are methods to manage it, but it is something that never goes away. Because of this I would think it is fairly normal for it to take awhile, even years, to come to terms with it. Don't beat yourself up because you haven't come to terms with it yet. Give it more time.

I also suggest a different way of looking at things a year ago. Don't look at it as when you didn't have BP, instead think of it as when you didn't know you had it. While it is possible that you didn't have BP a year ago, more likely you did and just weren't diagnosed yet. Then you didn't have a reason for certain moods, symptoms, or behaviors or the knowledge of how to deal with them. Now you know what you are dealing with and have some tools on how to do it. Now you also have ways to try and manage the symptoms to help minimize them. With the diagnosis you gained more control over what you are dealing with. The diagnosis isn't when the BP started, it is when you decided that you were going to take control of how you were feeling.

[popeye]

I was diagnosed BP when I was 23....I did not accept it then because I was working with BP"s at the state hospital and they were exhibiting symptoms that I was not. However in 1997 I had to go of waork partly because of bipolar sumptoms. The condition had me by the tail then and I accepted my diagnosis. I have no trouble dealing with the acceptance and discuss it wth my family and friends. Some of my kids(5) are already showing symptoms but they don't want to talk about it. They are in denial just like I was when I was first diagnosed.

[Bipolar Mark]

I think I went through a bereavement process when I was first diagnosed. It felt a bit like losing a loved one, but instead of someone else the person that I had lost was me. It does get easier in time and if I am honest now, I feel blessed to have BP. The energy and creativity I get in my highs is imense and better than what I used to have before I became unwell. I try to view depression as a time of regeneration of my energy, ready to start my next adventure when my next high starts. I view the world from a differnt perspective to what I used to. Once you are over the initial bereavement process hopefully you will see some of the positives which can come with BP. Good luck with it.

[charlene323]

Sorry I can't be much help, but I can say I feel exactly like you, I was diagnosed just last month. I feel like I am so helpless I just can't believe how quick everything can change.

[popeye]

My wife is not supportive and sick of my moods...she does not show mw an ounce of love anymore.

[wing]

I agree with the bereavement..I lost myself somewhere, and it took years to get myself back. The "me" I was betrayed me. The highs are sadly gone for the most part, but I don't forget how horrible the depressions were. The acceptance came when I looked back and was able to see how high a price I had paid in terms of years being sick and refusing to acknowledge it. I wouldn't have wasted those years fighting BP on my own, if I would've accepted it sooner. I would hate to see anybody waste time like I did when it is so much better to take the bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground with meds and therapy.

[abipolarmom]

When I was diagnosed a year and a half ago, I felt a huge relief because I had answers for what was wrong with me! For once I didnt feel broken and there was a reason I felt the way I felt all the time.

Consider your diagnoses a new beginning. Research the heck out of everything and work hard to fight it. You are not bipolar, you are still YOU, surviving bipolar disorder. Dont ever be bipolar, always be you, and you will survive!

It's been a year and a half since my diagnoses, and it hasn't been easy. With the right doc and the right medications you can and will overcome this. Just dont give up whatever you do because we live in a world full of men and women just like you who have a lot of advice and support here for you!

[hanners]

Originally Posted by charlene323

Sorry I can't be much help, but I can say I feel exactly like you, I was diagnosed just last month. I feel like I am so helpless I just can't believe how quick everything can change.

I received my diagnosis about a month and a half ago. This is really scary for me because I don't know how this will affect my future, its already cost me my partner of 4 years. I'm also scared that it will get worse (I'm just shy of meeting the criteria for BPII), especially if I ever experience psychosis. My pdoc says it's unlikely, that if it were to happen, it would have happened by now, but I feel like it's been getting progressively worse all along. I wish I knew how to come to terms with this blasted illness.

I agree with nikki and abipolarmom. You have always been you.

[SunAngel]

When I was diagnosed I was relieved to find out why I was feeling the way I was. I got an answer to all my feelings and thoughts.

You have to embrace your diagnosis, no matter how difficult it is so you can get the proper treatment.

With one pdoc, I did deny my diagnosis and was questioning it. When I was really manic, I told him that I just wasn't depressed and I was NOT bipolar. I went of my meds., had a psychotic break and then I embraced my diagnosis and went back on my meds.

[AbeIsAbe]

I guess the reason it is hard for me is because I did not have very many symptoms before my diagnosis. I had been depressed all through out my teenage years and the early 20s. My psychotic/manic episode was my very first and so everything before my diagnosis, truly is different becuase my diagnosis happened right at the onset of the illness. Everytime I feel angry for no reason, I get mad because it was never like that before January 2011 (when I was diagnosed). I have researched the **** out of this diagnosis and all the meds I get prescribed. I go to DBT group. It just never seems like it's enough and I think my true problem is coming to terms with the diagnosis and I think that the person who mentioned bereaving who I was is right. I think I need to mourn the past, when I didn't have to work to be happy, when I didn't have to worry about snapping at someone and being mean for no reason, when I had an emotion, at a "normal" level, for a "normal" reason. Thank you all.

[Rose76]

Doctors don't like to give anyone a diagnosis that is "heavy duty," if a more light duty diagnosis will seem to fit the bill. That's how one pdoc expressed it to me. Now, it wouldn't be good for you to get told you have a cold, if you really had pneumonia. And it does happen that people get under-diagnosed with less than what is wrong. That results in care that is not adequate and the problem having more freedom to snowball out of control. I'm glad you have a doctor who has done the "heavy lifting" in the diagnosis department.

Like nikki says, more than likely, you didn't get the BP around the time you got the diagnosis. Instead, you were finally getting a tough problem adequately recognized. I think your future may be brighter now, than it was before. As BPMom says above, learn all you can and apply it - "working on what I need to do" - as you put it, yourself, very wisely. January of this year is still pretty recent IMO.

[lostbythesea]

Originally Posted by popeye

I was diagnosed BP when I was 23....I did not accept it then because I was working with BP"s at the state hospital and they were exhibiting symptoms that I was not. However in 1997 I had to go of waork partly because of bipolar sumptoms. The condition had me by the tail then and I accepted my diagnosis. I have no trouble dealing with the acceptance and discuss it wth my family and friends. Some of my kids(5) are already showing symptoms but they don't want to talk about it. They are in denial just like I was when I was first diagnosed.

MY dx came in 2003. Not only does it feel like a life sentence, it feels like my life comes to an end. It still feels that way today. Like everything is a big failure. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[Hydrophobic1212]

I really don't know how to help in this situation... Maybe what I'm saying will help, but who knows.

I was diagnosed as Bipolar at a young age (only recently got my diagnosis changed to Bipolar-Type Schizoaffective Disorder), so I've known something was wrong my entire life. But what really helped me was this:

First you have to accept the fact that there is in fact something different about you. I used to try so hard to pretend like nothing was wrong, but when I finally admitted that something was, I felt a whole lot better.

Next, it really shouldn't matter what your diagnosis is (save for the fact that the doctor needs to know so they can help treat you), as long as you understand what you're feeling yourself. The illness can present itself differently in each person, so it's important to understand how it presents itself in you. Try not to think of it as a label either, try to acknowledge the fact that it is part of who you are - NOT who you are, only a part. That's what I've been doing and I finally feel happier about my situation.

Another thing that really helps me is the support of my family. I have a lot of love and support from them, and then also the help of my psychologist and psychiatrist. Having a good support system is a great way of coping too.

So I don't know if that will help you or not, but that's what I did and what is helping me. Everyone is different and I hope you find what you need soon.