It has been awhile since I have been on this site, or any other site like this for that matter. Yet, I don't know what to do. As Ive mentioned in other (older) posts, I do not see any Dr.s or take any kind of med's for my bipolar, or other disorders I have.
Nothing has changed there, I am still suffering daily without any pro help. I have thought long and hard about going into seeing a counselor, however, I am still against taking any kind, or type of med's prescribed by a Dr. I just don't think that is the whole answer.
The reason I am writing this today is, well, I am lost and I don't know what to do. Dealing with the day in and day out problems with being bipolar and suffering from intense social anxiety I find it very hard to do what needs to be done in my life for a positive change.
Ive worked going on over 19yrs in the bar industry and I'm am very tired of it. I need a change in my life or one of these days I'm afraid loosing this battle that myself has waged on myself.
I don't know, i guess when it comes down to it I need positive change, having positive people who actually care in my life would be nice. I spend an awful large amount of time alone, withdrawn, and isolating due to everything i go through so no one else has to be bothered by it. Yet, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm living on the edge. One day I feel wonderful, spectacular even. The next day I find myself fighting with myself wondering why I am even alive if this is all i have to look forward to. There as to be more to life than this, isn't there? I don't like who I have become, and I want more. This cant be all there is to live for in this life. I push people away from me so they either one, don't have to deal with what I go through due to dealing with their own problems in their life's, or two, I stay single and alone cause the way I can be at times effects others and often hurts them. Why cant I just be normal? I cant even work and hold down a normal job. The current job I have my boss has wanted to fire me many times for quote, "having to deal with my BS" unquote. I often spend hours trying to find answers to this perplexing situation, yet, I am coming up short handed after all these years. Not to mention the desire to try anymore.
If anyone has any suggestions other than going to see a Dr, a counselor, or getting on, or taking meds. By all means, please help me?

[Detach]

Hi there,
I started posting to this site again the other day. I just had an episode that required hospitalization, but I'm getting better- not manic any longer. I wanted somewhere to get more support, which is probably why you are posting. However, I looked up your old posts and read some of them, because of how you refuse to get advice regarding seeing a Dr, a counselor, or getting on, or taking meds- as you put it.

I will not try to sway you or give unwanted advice in this post...I try not to beat my head against a brick wall if I can help it. Anyways, I know that my counselor told me that I had my "episode", not because the meds weren't working, but because of being "out of balance" and stress. However, since those things happened "I" need my meds adjusted. Basically, I had a breakthrough episode, like someone with a seizure disorder.

I have a stressful job as a nurse and we were short staffed all summer, plus I was training 3 nurses, working longggg hours... it was too much and bam I became manic and could NOT control it on my own. Counselor said I MUST stay in balance - work/family/eating/sleep/etc or I WILL have another episode-meds can't and don't do it ALL. She said when out of balance your body adjusts, adjusts and adjusts, then finally can't adjust any longer and illness ensues. Being a nurse this made sense to me and I have been "out of balance" for at least 3 months no wonder I broke....

So my advice...stay balanced and reduce stress, whatever it is you personally find stressful.

[FeelingHopeful]

Blue Casper i a so sorry you are struggling so much , you sound so similiar to my friend and i hate to hear of your struggles im a good listener so if you ever want to talk im here everyone on here has been so wonderful to me , this is a great place! I would really like to help others if i can so im giving you a hug , im here if you need a friend or advice you too djjmaert

[Detach]

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

Blue Casper i a so sorry you are struggling so much , you sound so similiar to my friend and i hate to hear of your struggles im a good listener so if you ever want to talk im here everyone on here has been so wonderful to me , this is a great place! I would really like to help others if i can so im giving you a hug , im here if you need a friend or advice you too djjmaert

Thanks Feelinghopeful! very, very nice...

[Anneinside]

You say "I have thought long and hard about going into seeing a counselor, however, I am still against taking any kind, or type of med's prescribed by a Dr."
So obviously you are considering therapy. Therapist don't prescribe medicine, they do talk therapy. Mine helps me with coping skills and to recognize when I am starting or in an episode. I find it very helpful.

[BlackPup]

I agree with anneinside... I learnt so many coping strategies from my therapist, it has helped me as much as my meds.

[Seaswept]

Hi Blue Casper,

I'm sorry you are going through all of this, I get how you feel with the isolation and social anxiety as I get like that when I am depressed.

How do you know for sure that you have Bipolar disorder? Were you ever diagnosed with by a psychiatrist?

As far as avoiding meds, a support group might help. You could Google any 12 step in your area. Do you have anyone, who could go with you, to at least a 1st meeting? It would make the next one way easier to get to. The people are always really kind.

Best wishes to you.

I am SO happy for all those that have found a Therapist to help. However, one thing to keep in mind here is, "Everyone is different" Or am I wrong in saying that? I have been to Dr's and counselor's since I was 17yrs old. That has been over 19yrs ago. Dont get me wrong here, I have my good days where I am full of unlimited hope that one day I will never be effected by my issues again. Yet, this is reality, and Ive been on meds before, all of which did not help, even had coping strategies suggested. Yet, still nothing has helped.
I get that I may be like this for the rest of my life, that nothing is truly gonna help 100%. However, I guess i went about wording my post all wrong. What i really wanted to say is, I have a really hard time being around people. Im either wanting to scream at them to leave me alone, or I just isolate myself away from everyone so i dont end up doing, or saying something i will regret. As I cant handle my own emotions let alone dealing with interacting with others to boot. I dont like that Im this way, quite honestly I loath it. However, having to deal with both the social anxiety and bipolar on a dialy basis (among other things) Is there anything out there someone like myself I can get into as a career other than being a janator to be able work within' my ability to support myself? If you dont have anything nice to say, or your just gonna be condescending pls i beg of you to not say anything at all. I am not saying my situation, or my experience are any worse than anyone else's. As I dont feel this is a contest, I am only trying to get helpful advice from friendly ppl. Thank you all

[Martek]

I just found a job as a machine operator that would probably work. It lets me earn a decent wage and the work is on my own, sure other people are around but everyone does their own thing so there is very little interaction. I know I wouldn't do well in a traditional office career so I had to look for alternatives. Hoping the best for you.

[SunAngel]

Originally Posted by BlueCasper

It has been awhile since I have been on this site, or any other site like this for that matter. Yet, I don't know what to do. As Ive mentioned in other (older) posts, I do not see any Dr.s or take any kind of med's for my bipolar, or other disorders I have.
Nothing has changed there, I am still suffering daily without any pro help. I have thought long and hard about going into seeing a counselor, however, I am still against taking any kind, or type of med's prescribed by a Dr. I just don't think that is the whole answer.
The reason I am writing this today is, well, I am lost and I don't know what to do. Dealing with the day in and day out problems with being bipolar and suffering from intense social anxiety I find it very hard to do what needs to be done in my life for a positive change.
Ive worked going on over 19yrs in the bar industry and I'm am very tired of it. I need a change in my life or one of these days I'm afraid loosing this battle that myself has waged on myself.
I don't know, i guess when it comes down to it I need positive change, having positive people who actually care in my life would be nice. I spend an awful large amount of time alone, withdrawn, and isolating due to everything i go through so no one else has to be bothered by it. Yet, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm living on the edge. One day I feel wonderful, spectacular even. The next day I find myself fighting with myself wondering why I am even alive if this is all i have to look forward to. There as to be more to life than this, isn't there? I don't like who I have become, and I want more. This cant be all there is to live for in this life. I push people away from me so they either one, don't have to deal with what I go through due to dealing with their own problems in their life's, or two, I stay single and alone cause the way I can be at times effects others and often hurts them. Why cant I just be normal? I cant even work and hold down a normal job. The current job I have my boss has wanted to fire me many times for quote, "having to deal with my BS" unquote. I often spend hours trying to find answers to this perplexing situation, yet, I am coming up short handed after all these years. Not to mention the desire to try anymore.
If anyone has any suggestions other than going to see a Dr, a counselor, or getting on, or taking meds. By all means, please help me?

I just want to say welcome back. I had wondered where you went to. Something that may help you a little bit is to take fish oil (Omega 3's). It is natural and can help with BP Disorder since you don't want to go on traditional medication.

As far as work is concerned, I hope you find your niche somewhere where you can feel better about your life.

Make sure you take some time for YOU and YOU alone. Maybe do a little bit of Retail Therapy if you have the money to do so. If not, just take some time doing something you enjoy to offset your problems a little bit. Make sure that everyday you take some time out to do something for yourself, even if it means being alone with yourself for awhile to decompress.

Originally Posted by BlueCasper

...However, having to deal with both the social anxiety and bipolar on a dialy basis (among other things) Is there anything out there someone like myself I can get into as a career other than being a janator to be able work within' my ability to support myself?...

This is an excellent question, BlueCaspar! I don't have quite the same situation, but do have a job that is driving me right over the edge, NEED to find something else and have been wondering the exact same thing... WHAT to do! I have such scattershot skill set and most experience in jobs I can no longer handle, not to mention not paying nearly enough to live on (which, being divorced, I need to be able to do now). Ack!

Originally Posted by Martek

I just found a job as a machine operator that would probably work. It lets me earn a decent wage and the work is on my own, sure other people are around but everyone does their own thing so there is very little interaction...

This sounds like a good one. Yours undoubtedly pays better, but is similar in interaction level to working picking or packing in a warehouse, which I have done (though it was 25 years ago...). Guess another brainstormer would be something one could get into that wouldn't necessarily require experience. It's very frustrating to know you would be able to do something, but can't get in to prove it (especially in light of the current economy...).

I've not done the janitor thing, BlueCaspar, though at one point I did have a cleaning business (just me, so no employees to deal with, because I just couldn't handle that), which is kind of a twist on that, though probably a bit more appealing. Did both residential and construction cleaning (which you can charge more for). Yes, there is the procuring clients bit, but if you can get a couple, are good at the work, and trustworthy, word of mouth definitely helps pretty well eliminate having to turn them up cold, which saved my bacon, because that scares the crap out of me(!)

Very curious to see what others might suggest.